I’m A Little Bit OCD

I was enduring the season opener of Big Brother UK last night. Fionnuala watches this every year hoping to recreate the halcyon years of Nasty Nick, Craig the Builder and Tourettes Pete. But by Week 2 she has invariably given up as that years conveyor belt of desperate wannabes have her diving desperately for the remote control. 

This year promises to be no exception. The Bible tells us to love our enemy. I am reluctant to include perma tanned, obnoxious, Z list reality TV stars in this admittedly open ended verse. Serial killers, yes. ISIS, yes. But the Season 3 cast of Geordie Shore? God is really testing me here.

But I digress. Lurid as they were I manfully watched each contestant totter out on stage to give vacuous, insipid answers to questions posed by an increasingly bemused Emma Willis. Sexual conquests, excruciating personal hygiene issues, nothing was taboo for this motley crue. If nothing else it made my self-worth and value to society soar as the night progressed. 

Out traipsed Miss Nigeria UK (the best looking Nigerian woman in the UK or the best looking British woman in Nigeria I pondered) to proudly declare herself as the ‘definition of OCD’ to the baying audience. She loved cleaning or something like that.

Once again OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) had been dismissively stereotyped as a positive attribute, something to aspire to be, something to shout from the rooftops. OCD was quirky, fun and an invaluable life skill. Yet whenever I hear the words ‘I’m a little bit OCD’ or ‘I suppose we all have a bit OCD in us’ it is akin to scraping nails down my mental blackboard.

OCD is not fun. Asking your manager at work the same question 46 times in one day to the point where they look at you as if you are insanity personified is not fun. You know the answer in the first place. They have confirmed that to you 46 times. But did you hear them correctly? What if you misheard them each time? Or the answer wasn’t in exactly the sequence of words you needed it to be? Best ask it one more time. Just to be 100% certain. This will be absolutely, categorically the last time. Unless of course….

OCD is not fun. Binge eating eight days in a row to the point where you are nauseous but having to ensure that you eat certain foods in a certain order, in a certain room while reciting a certain mental mantra in exactly the right order is not fun. And if you get even one of these variables wrong then it’s onto Day 9. And you can’t finish on an odd number. So roll on Day 10.

OCD is not fun. Thinking you are a paedophile and a threat to your kids is not fun. Convincing yourself that you are a closet homosexual and you need to confess all to your wife is not fun. Compromising every living relationship in your life by wanting to blurt out unwanted, obscene thoughts about that person is not fun.

OCD is not fun. It never sleeps. It is the wriggling monster in your mind that you can never pin down, that you can never drown out. It is brutal, uncompromising and seeks to overwhelm every other rational thought in your mind. It wants to take over. It wants to break you. It wants to destroy you. 

I’m not a little bit OCD. I’m 100% OCD. It will always be there. Lurking, waiting, probing for the slightest chink in my armour. An armour of counselling, family support, medication and prayer built up through bitter experience and countless battles. An armour that works for me 99% of the time now after twenty years of utter chaos at the hands of this crippling mental illness.

It’s there. It always will be. And it’s not fun.

Do you have OCD or know of someone with it? Tell me about your experiences?

If you need support or prayer please comment below. We can help.

19 thoughts on “I’m A Little Bit OCD

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  1. OCD has been made to sound trendy for some reason. I think the fact that the D in OCD stands for disorder has escaped the minds of society. I join hands to pray for anyone afflicted with OCD.

    P.S: By the powers invested in me as a Nigerian living in Nigeria, on behalf of all Nigerians, I hereby disown and excommunicate Miss Nigeria UK😂.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for this blog entry and for sharing the truth about what it means. I don’t have OCD but I have known people with it and I know their suffering is great. It’s so much more than three little letters that people throw out casually at any mention of cleanliness. I know there are lots of hidden aspects and magnitudes of guilt.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Truth!
    Possibly the most misappropriated affliction in human history. Alas, I’ve got your kind, but I want the kind where I can be a world class footballer, a UFC champion or Miss Nigeria(well you know what I mean). It’s become a disposable fashion accessory unfortunately. It camouflages its true horrific nature, and makes it painfully tricky when dealing with anyone who you need to take it seriously. Like the welfare for instance if you lose your job because of it. “Didn’t do David Beckham any harm did it!”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very funny opening. Lol Yes, I know someone whose life has been saddened by OCD. My youngest granddaughter. She is now 20. She became sick at 4 years old. It started with fear of elevators and then moved to wind. She was terrified of wind. She saw a house destroyed by a tornado on TV and that was that until she was around 15.

    Any time there was wind or storm she would become hysterical, screaming so loud it sounded like someone was beating her. Then she would beg her mom to drive her around until the wind stopped. She felt safe in a car, which is not a good place to be in a terrible storm. My daughter didn’t get enough sleep all those years. Faith would pace in the bathroom for hours an want her mom there with her.

    Faith couldn’t go to school, so I tried to home-school her. It went okay for awhile, but we had to stop because if she couldn’t do something perfectly she would put her head on the desk and give up and feel terrible about herself.

    When we all went to Disneyland, Faith came the first morning and then had to leave. Too many people. At the campground she watched the flags and if they moved at all she wouldn’t get out of the motorhome. We took turns being with her while the other kids got to see Disneyland.

    She got over some fears as she got older. She got her high school diploma online. She was extremely proud of that. She had a job at a Dollar Store working for a friend. But her parents had to move to another city so she went with them. She is having some trouble there because it is in a prairie and the winds are so strong they actually push semi trucks over! She may have to move back here. Whew! Well, you asked!


  5. I don’t have OCD but I understand how debilitating it can be for someone. I know people who struggle with this and how it infringes on their ability to live and enjoy life. It bothers me tremendously when people misappropriate the name, especially when it is being used as an excuse to justify their lack of consideration for others, or given as a reason for being selfish and rude. Being persnickety is not the same thing as being OCD.

    God bless you for speaking so honestly about this. I think it’s this kind of sharing that will eventually convince people to stop trivializing it.


  6. Yes! I am so sick of hearing people say oh I have OCD because I wash my hands OCD washing hands is more than just washing them after use the bathroom it’s washing them till the raw is having to rewash them if you accidentally touch the surface that you feel is dirty. If I leave my house I have to shower the air is contaminated. That’s not a little OCD that’s a lot OCD


  7. I was diagnosed with OCD in January of this year – I was told I’ve had it from around 7. It all makes sense now, looking back – I just wish it had been picked up a lot sooner.


  8. Wow. The definition of OCD, just because she likes to have a neat and ordered space? That would upset me too. Part of my OCD is being a neat freak, but what people who claim it as fashionable don’t realize is how much it hurts people who really have the problem to be in a messy environment. For example when my husband puts a DVD on the shelf in the wrong place, it stressed me out to the point where I have to put it where it goes immediately, and I have been known to cry if there’s more than one out of order. It can be really hard to let it go sometimes, and just remember that people who say these things are just ignorant and mean no offense. I really like that you mention that in the Bible it says to love your enemies, and that you shared your struggle to do that.

    Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with OCD, and helping to increase awareness about this serious issue.


      1. It’s comforting to know that there were people with the same struggles back then that we have today, isn’t it?

        By the way I was wondering if you’d mind if I post a link to this post on my blog, so I can share it with my readers?


  9. https://wp.me/p1W1ot-tL

    My OCD takes the form of compulsive-cleaning and also germ-phobia.. Together, they work in tandem to create a maelstrom of havoc in my life both for me personally and those who live with me. That said, when my stress level increases, other “compulsive behaviors may arise that are all attempts on my part to alleviate my anxiety and/or overwhelming fear state. They involve “decontaminating” parts of the house I may feel have been “exposed” to something harmful like a chemical, pesticide etc. it drives those around me mad as they don’t see the need for these rituals / procedures.

    That’s OCD. Crippling . Intrusive. Destroying relationships one fear, one compulsion at a time.


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