We have all watched that scene in every disaster movie when social order starts to break down; mass traffic jams on the interstate as the asteroid plummets towards earth; chaos in the streets as thousands flee from the onrushing tidal wave; grown men fighting over the last bottles of water in the supermarket as the zombie virus starts to rage through the city.
Well that scene visited our household this morning. We were down to our last phone/tablet charger. Devices were down to their last few %. Hannah couldn’t face an hour without her favourite You Tubers. Rebecca couldn’t access her games. I couldn’t check how many blog views I had had overnight. Adam was dug into his man cave jealously guarding the sole functioning charger. We were teetering on the very edge of Armageddon itself.
Thankfully calm was restored without the need to call in the National Guard. Fionnuala, sensing the imminent bedlam, had wisely ordered two new chargers which thankfully arrived later in the day. All was well in the world again. Mankind had survived another day. We were connected again to our beloved internet.
I get the train to work most mornings on the way to my supposedly paperless office. But I now travel largely on a paperless train. Newspapers and books seem a remnant from the Dark Ages of the twentieth century. Nowadays we are glued to our electronic devices, shuffling through the day with our eyes down; trapped in the soul sapping universe of social media. The modern idol that we all bow down and worship at some stage of the day.
I have struggled with social media for many years. I had a major Twitter addiction (10,000 followers can’t be wrong) which evolved into a major Instagram addiction. I became obsessed with followers and likes. Retweets were my lifeblood. I began to care more about the opinions of online strangers as opposed to my family and friends. The people who mattered.
I began to delve into the murky world of private messaging. I won’t go into the details because they are not important. What mattered were the consequences. As a result of my online activities I lost most of my ‘real life’ friends and almost lost my family and sanity. It scarred me and broke me. Which maybe is what God wanted.
Six months on from my own online meltdown I’m trying to rebuild. Trust is a hard earned value. You can lose it in the blink of an eye what took decades to build. I struggle with real life now. I feel safe at home with Fionnuala and the kids (even in a home without chargers). I go to work and am grateful for having an interesting and rewarding job.
But I struggle outside of these two environments. I have hurt a lot of people and been hurt by others. I don’t attend church or my running group anymore. As such I have lost a lot of friends, some really good ones and some not so good. I don’t trust people in general anymore. Most of all I don’t trust myself. Or particularly like myself a lot of the time.
I cling onto Fionnuala and the kids as they are my life now and are all I have and need. I’m trying to develop my love of writing in this safer, online community and I’ve been touched by the encouraging support I have received from people on here these last two months.
And just like my online connection was on its last legs earlier today so I have often thought that of my heavenly connection with God as well. I have been angry with him. I have been impatient with him. I want him to use me to glorify him but I have no idea when or how he will. I believe in him but struggle to believe in myself. I need him more than ever yet my prayer and study life are so erratic.
I need to connect with him. I need to trust him and hand everything over to him. Everything. The negative thinking, the addictive behaviour, the destructive cycles. I give up Lord. You are in control. Connect me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’
Do you struggle with social media? How does it impact upon your life?
Does blogging help you with depression and anxiety?
What is your favourite disaster movie?