Forgive and Forget

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Fionnuala here today not sure if Stephen will be blogging as he is away with work so thought I would write about something I feel God has been nudging me about over the summer. 

Over the summer both of my parents became ill at the same time which resulted in me spending a lot of time waiting around hospitals and then at my mums house when she got home.  This resulted in me thinking about forgiveness and holding grudges 

I grew up with my parents arguing and fighting most of my life even both sets of my grandparents argued and fought with each other and one of them didn’t even share the same bedroom so to me this was normal life and how grown ups behaved.  When Stephen and I had an argument we both had different ideas of how things would go.  Stephen drove me insane by wanting to talk it out and try to resolve the argument where my idea of normal was going into a sulk and giving each other the silent treatment for not hours or days but weeks or months nobody saying sorry because they were right and the other was wrong and so this resulted in us arguing about arguing- total madness!

If holding a grudge was an Olympic sport I’d win gold every time.  I would mentally take note of anything that somebody said or did to me and bring it up months or years later just to prove that I was right and they were wrong.  

Eventually Stephen’s logic of “you should never go to bed on an argument” got through to me and I started to see that what I grew up with wasn’t normal it was time for that chain to be broken time to get off that roundabout so that it wouldn’t be the normal for our children.

I have now learnt that it is so much easier to love and forgive somebody than to take note of their wrongs and throw it up in their faces when they are at a low point in their lives this is what I did just to make me feel better but it never really  did if anything it just made me feel horrible.

Bearing grudges on others is like having a cancer inside of you it spreads rapidly throughout your body strangling all the goodness until you are left with nothing but hatred and bitterness.


Matthew 18:21-22

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

When stephen was at his lowest I didn’t like that version of him and it would have been very easy for me to turn my back and walk away from him but by showing him love, faith and hope, because he didn’t have any of this for himself, and putting all my trust in God I was able to forgive him.

So the question now is how do you forget?  By handing it all over to God he can take that hurt and pain and channel it into something beautiful.  Before I became a Christian there was a song that I could never listen to because it took me back to a time and place that I did not want to be reminded of then one day it came on the radio in the car and as I reached out to turn it off God gently nudged me and told me to listen to it I ended up laughing and since that day that song has no affect on me anymore. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

42 thoughts on “Forgive and Forget”

    1. That’s encouraging thank you for your feedback I don’t know what you are going through right now but God will carry you through this as I write this the footprints story just came into my head do you know it? Will keep you in our prayers xx

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    2. Footprints in the Sand

      One night I had a dream.

      I dreamed I was walking along the beach
      with the Lord..

      Across the sky flashed scenes from my life..
      For each scene, I noticed two sets of
      footprints in the sand,
      one belonging to me, and the other to the Lord..

      When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
      I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
      I noticed that many times along the path of my life
      there was only one set of footprints.
      I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
      and saddest times in my life.

      This really bothered me
      and I questioned the Lord about it:
      “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
      you’d walk with me all the way.
      But I have noticed that during the most
      troublesome times in my life
      there is only one set of footprints.
      I don’t understand why
      when I need you most you would leave me.”

      The Lord replied:
      “My precious child, I love you and would
      never leave you.
      During your times of trial and suffering,
      when you see only one set of footprints, it was then
      that I carried you.”

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  3. This is so true! Forgiveness is key. I have had a lot of things happen to me in the past that I could easily hold a grudge over, but by forgiving, I freed myself and moved on. It may not always be easy to forgive, but it is the best thing to do!

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  4. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post that I can 100% identify with. I, too, used to hold on to grudges and found it very hard to let go of offence. When you discover God’s forgiveness for you personally, its so much easier to forgive others quickly.
    Love & blessings,
    Hayley 😊

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  5. Such a tough virtue to make habit but such peace comes after we forgive and hand it over to God. Bitterness, resentment, forgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I have had to forgive someone that has never cared enough to realize the hurt I have had. That was the hardest thing I have had to do… and I can’t say that I don’t come back to those feelings and still have to actively work on them today. Thank you for sharing – good read!!

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  6. This is so true and as the current song states, encouraging others is difficult while we are held to the flame but that is when God wants us to encourage and testify to His mercy and grace. The victory is already won but the battle rages. Thank you for your great testimony and reminder that God is Good all the time.

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  8. So crazy how God laid this same idea on my heart this morning! He is really speaking to me about pride, and my constant holding on to every word in order to prove myself right. It’s just, well ridiculous and does nothing but cause pain. Thanks for writing, I love when God speaks to me in multiples 🙂

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  9. Hiya Everyone!! ❤ God Bless All my Sisters and Brothers in Christ Jesus-Yeshua and Your Families and Friends!!

    I am leaving this Friday from my home in Northern Oregon too take care of my 78 Year old Mother Marion who broke her Ankle in August, she is ready to go home in Very Northern California!! She cannot drive, so I have too take her too physical Therapy for about a month!!

    Please Pray for our Judeo-Christian Nation United States of America and Israel-Yisrael Everyday!! “Pray Without Ceasing.” ( 1 Thessalonians 5:17 KJV )!! 🙏💙

    Our ONE True GOD’S LOVE 💙💕 is ETERNAL THROUGH HIS SON Jesus-Yeshua Christ Forevermore!! Praise Jesus-Yeshua Christ for Today and Everyday, HE is KING of kings and LORD ( ADONAI ) of lords, HE is the ALPHA and OMEGA, HE is the BEGINNING and the END!! Glory Glory Hallelujah and Maranatha!!

    I Love you all Everyone through Jesus-Yeshua Christ, because HE LOVED ❤ EVERYONE FIRST!! Praise Jesus ( Yeshua ) Chirst for Today and Everyday!!

    Love 💕💙 Always and Shalom ( Peace ), YSIC \o/

    Kristi Ann

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  10. You don’t forget. I’m in the process of forgiving my mom, who’s now deceased, but that doesn’t mean I should forget, because all of the past pain and trauma are a part of who I am. I have to accept that. Through meditation I’ve been able to let go of long-held grudges and have found inner peace. However, though I’ve let go of what happened, they will always be there because they’re a part of me. I think of them as life lessons. Others may disagree, but forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Just my opinion.

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    1. Thanks for reading we are all very different what works for one may work for another. I went through one of the hardest times of my life earlier this year and thought I would never be all to recover from it but after a Holy Spirit experience all that hurt and pain was tossed away and I can honestly say it’s been onwards and upwards for me since. I will keep in you my prayers.

      God Bless ❤️

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  11. God has taught me through humility and forgiveness the sting of what others have scarred me can go away. I’m thankful He continues to mold my heart into His perfect form, as He is the Potter, and I am the clay. 🙂

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  12. Fionnuala, I think this is the first of your posts I have caught. I really enjoyed reading and can identify. I am grateful that Jesus doesn’t leave us how we came, but gently leads us to be more like Him who said “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” It’s a long road for most of us. I love His patience.

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  13. Hi, Fionnuala. Nice to hear from you. What a beautiful gift you have given to your family, and to Stephen, and to the Lord in doing so. May the Lord’s forgiveness to you shower your heart with a love only He can give. ❤ He loves you!

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  15. I have commented a few times on Stephen’s post. it’s refreshing hearing from you. You guys seem to be on a perpendicular line with my life when it comes to your writing. It’s amazing to read these things right when I need them.
    Forgiveness hasn’t been easy for me ever. I usually just forget about things entirely, and I have been known to hold a grudge or two, but usually I want nothing to do with an argument after it happens. Just let it go is my favorite thing to say. Maybe it’s time I look at that a different way… I feel like doing that just makes it easier for me to explode about the next thing, no matter how small

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    1. Thank you for your comments and for reading Stephen says I need to blog more I just don’t have a lot of time looking after the kids. I find it hard in situations and to just not say anything maybe I need to start saying ‘let it go too’. God Bless ❤️

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  20. Glad to learn about your blog. Think we’re on the same wavelength. Reading it brought back memories of our trip to Ireland too. Thanks for liking my blog, 101 Days of Love. Also have a devotional book by that title at Amazon (also Amazon UK, I think.) Spent a few months writing it when I got to thinking about love in the Bible.

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