Modern Life Is Rubbish

It doesn’t take much to annoy me and I got very annoyed at work yesterday. I felt left down and undermined by the actions of a colleague who had taken an issue to our boss rather than first discuss it with me and find a way to resolve the problem. I’m even getting annoyed as I type this now. So much for writing being a cathartic experience.

I lost a lot of respect for the person in question and, as for ever trusting them again, well don’t get me started. It was the trigger for me to look back over the last year or so and reflect on a number of people who I perceive to have let me down. People who I thought were friends but have subsequently been revealed to have been indifferent and uncaring. Others have attempted to dictate to me; throw my past in my face at every available opportunity.

I have very few friends now. I have massive trust issues given the events I have described above. The thought of establishing new friendships now fills me with dread. Why go to all that effort when ultimately it will all end in ruin. At this stage of life people have formed their inner circle of friends. They don’t want any more. I feel like an intruder and an interloper. Unwanted and excluded. 

My pity party was promptly ended by God. He has a habit of doing that. And I realised I was being a massive hypocrite. How can I be expected to trust others when I don’t trust God. When I don’t trust myself. What about the number of times I have betrayed the trust of my family down the years. Ripped it up and thrown it in their faces. Lived in the shadows and hid from the truth of who I really was.

Yesterday I told Fionnuala what was the point forgiving others when they just let you down time and time again. Why bother? Yet Fionnuala persisted with me when I didn’t deserve it and I hope that it was worthwhile in the end. Her love and courage dragged us through the mess I had created. She didn’t have to but she did. Just like Jesus dragged mankind out of its self inflicted mess at the Cross.

Recent world events do nothing but reinforce the mess we are still in. But God has not given up on us just like Fionnuala has not given up on me. She displays more Christ like attributes in her little finger than I do in my entire body. I do most of the writing for the blog and, as such, receive a lot of positive comments. But really they should be reserved for her. Without her I am nothing. I see Jesus in her every day and that keeps me going.

It is 6:00 am as I write this. Today is a new day. I hope and pray that my frustration and resentment do not get the better of me today. I hope and pray that I can rise above petty office politics and be the better man. I hope and pray that I can focus on those who choose to love me despite my many inadequacies. I hope and pray that I can be more like Jesus and less like Stephen. 

I hope and pray….

John 14:1 – ‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.’

Have you woken up feeling frustrated and resentful?

Do you have trust issues? Have you been let down recently?

How do you feel now after reading this post?

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 15 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

53 thoughts on “Modern Life Is Rubbish

  1. Am impressed again how you make your everyday events such a fascinating and inspiring read. You have high moral standards perhaps. It’s difficult then to not feel let down all the time. Don’t give up on making new friends just yet. There are so many more people who reflect midlife and are looking what you are looking for. They just don’t stand there waving out at you. 🙂 Just let life (and God) lead you there. So the trust can grow…

    Oh and one more thing: it’s difficult but maybe you get the chance to think if there might be a reason your collague didn’t come to you first. Sometimes it’s also something we signal (that we don’t see) that make people around us do incomprehensible things. Might not be the case, but might just as well… you’re the expert here. It may just be a chance to also forgive in times when forgiveness seems impossible at first.

    I hope I haven’t crossed the line with anything I say… Have a good day today.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am not to sure if it will or not. For the moment strangely i am happy as i am. I do what i want when i want i see Number 1 and we have great fun. My life may not sound exciting, but where i am at the moment it is creating a future for my daughter and myself that is all i care and focus on. Keep up with your fantastic blog……… I hope you have got over the Essex visit.


  2. Hang in there. This trust thing, the fear, the frustration and the seeming futility, will slowly transform. Just last night I was talking with friends about how my relationships have been renewed, restored or new ones created even though I feel completely unworthy of them. Maybe that’s the key, feeling unworthy, dropping my expectations and taking the companionship of others as a privilege that I don’t really deserve. I’m sure to be let down time and again, but that’s how it is with people. Most of them are worth it.


  3. It doesn’t take much to annoy me either. I actually have anger issues that I’m currently getting help for. Knowing there are other Christians out there who struggle with the same thing I do is actually encouraging. I hope you get things settled with your colleague.


  4. Yes, I have woken up frustrated and resentful. I pray. I have felt distrustful too. I pray :):) These are all human traits, and since we are human and all ;);) Try not to be so hard on yourself. I feel when we are struggling it’s not so much about what’s going on, it’s more about what is God trying to teach us at that time in our lives. I pray that you will find peace with this situation, that God reveal to you plainly what He wants you to learn from this, and that you find forgiveness for your co-worker. You are but clay, and God is molding you into the person He wants you to be. God bless you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I often struggle with disappointment. It seems to be such a “normal” occurrence in the world. It makes me angry that such people do not want to do better. That they are ok with being a disappointment. Then I remember that I am not perfect. But I am not as bad as them, right?! Then I remember we are all flawed and all God’s creatures. I cannot go around changing everyone. It is not healthy for me to keep being upset about it, either. So I pray for patience and understanding so I can let go of what I cannot change, and focus on bettering myself to make sure I do not disappoint.


  6. Well articulated. Life is a challenge is it not? I have come to the conclusion that the bottom-line, the end-all of all things is this: Life is a love test.
    It is a test of 2 commandments Jesus gave: Love God and your neighbor with everything you have.

    It is not possible with human effort. It is a supernatural love that only God can supply. Not preaching here, please. Just regurgitating some thoughts on this as it applies to your post. In fact, just this past Sunday the scriptures opened this up to me. Matthew chapter 5 starts out with what we call the
    “Beatitudes” – good or beautiful attitudes that Jesus asks his followers to pursue.

    Here is “the rub” if you will: the chapter ends with this verse: “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect”. Mat. 5:49
    Notice the verses preceding this verse that calls for perfection – they all concern the subject of – Love. And that is the key. My friend is this helps, consider these “light afflictions” just part of the grand love test that God puts His people through.

    Hold on for just a few more seconds. Have you ever noticed in the Old Testament that the patriarchs all had a curious inclination for beautiful women, beautiful wives (Abraham, Isaac and of course our man Jacob!). They all desired a beautiful bride. You know Jesus is also coming back for a beautiful bride – the Bride of Christ (without spot or blemish!). And this is where the love test comes in – having a pure heart is what makes up a beautiful bride for He looks upon the heart. Keep looking up. It is a test we all must endure and pass. And you know Jesus is good at giving make-up exams!



  7. So here’s another flip on this, one that’s going to take some courage and risk. Sometimes things aren’t what they appear on the surface. Your coworker may have gone to your boss with the issue rather than coming directly to you for any number of reasons – they may have needed advice, they may not have had the chutzpa to deal with it, there may be some unresolved issue between you.
    Perhaps a conversation with your coworker, over tea, asking the tough question “have I, in some way, made it difficult for you to come talk to me?” It’s a hard conversation to have.


  8. I feel you, dearest Stephen. As real the pain and despair is while we are immersed in such gut-wrenching trials, there is immeasurable wisdom in all seeming dichotomies. You will be more like Jesus And more like the truest Stephen growing in Him. Aren’t we all precious parts of Him after all? Much love and gratitude on your journey and my prayers are with you and yours 🌞🙏Leon


  9. After reading your post I turned to read proverbs, I read it by the date of the month, today is the 25 so I read proverbs 25, prehaps it will help assure you in the conflict with your co worker, God Bless!


  10. What a wonderful challenge. This is so hard. Thank you for pointing to yourself and the role you played in the heartbreaks. I forget to do that. Beth Moore once said, “people are not perfect, forgive them for not being God.” Oh boy!


  11. I own a business and have been crushed by employees and students equally. One day I was wrestling with hurt and anger. Then God said I AM LOVE, AND YOU HAVE HATE. YOU ARE CHASING ME AWAY!

    When God says that it is time to buck up and cleanse/renew my heart to love and forgive all. It’s not easy, trust me. But your perspective on life will improve dramatically! Be hurt and allow yourself to process it then ask God to cleanse you of it all!

    He will, I know because He has done it for me!

    You are an inspiration to so many people and maybe the ONLY CHURCH your coworkers will see!

    Well done good and faithful servant!


  12. Once upon a time I had these same issues in a dept. I was working in. Now I’m in a different dept and compared to the last one its like night and day. I’m a lot happier and I wish I’d moved a whole lot sooner.


  13. This is a great reminder to look at the log in our own eyes rather than the speck in someone else’s eye. I have known betrayal, and I understand the urge to close yourself off in order to avoid that kind of pain in the future. It seems so much easier than working through things. I’m not there yet, but one thing God has shown me is to remember what I’m trusting. It’s not the people in my life because they are going to fail as people do. I’m trusting that no matter how others fail me, God will be my strength, my peace, my hope. He will accomplish something amazing in my life through the pain, if I will only get out of the way and let Him.


  14. You sound a lot like me. Yes people let us down so often. Life really sucks and that is the truth. And I have a really bad attitude that isn’t nearly as bad as before, but still bad enough to be very bothersome. But this is the life we were given to live and I fight every day to make it better. God tests us, leads us into temptation, and makes holy living a hard thing to do. But still we have to stir up our resolve to fight on. I enjoyed reading this post.


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