Role Models 

Adam is playing for his school in a big rugby match tomorrow. He is operating in a new position this season (tight head prop) which has required some mental and physical readjustment on his part. Tonight we are going to watch the Ulster-Connacht match on television and focus for the entire game on the tight head props to try and better understand the tactics and requirements of the position.

I used to spend my Friday nights drinking beer and largely ignoring my family. So this, in itself, is progress. I am hoping that showing an interest in Adam’s blossoming rugby career will help erase the pain I have caused him in the past. I hope to devote time to all my family in this respect. But it just so happens that tonight it will be spent with my son watching a rugby match.

We can learn so much from watching others who are better than us at something which we aspire to become better at. That was a long sentence so I hope you are still with me. Just like Adam seeks to improve his rugby skills by watching professional players so I seek to become a better person by spending time in the company of positive role models. 

As far as displaying Christian values to those around me I have fared pretty abysmally this week. At work I have been moody, bitter and unforgiving. I have tried not to bring this home but Fionnuala has picked up on it. She can read me like a book. A book that nobody else would want to read at the moment. As far as being a light of the world of late I’m afraid my flame has been largely extinguished. And I have only myself to blame for that.

I have been a hypocrite. I blog daily about spreading love, light and hope to others yet in practice I have been a miserable frump. I am painfully aware of this situation but have been powerless to rectify it. I know I’m letting myself and others down when I behave like this but appear incapable of applying the brakes to the runaway train that is my malicious mouth. I can’t love others when I don’t particularly love myself. 

It is because of this that I am particularly grateful that we have got back into the habit of regularly attending church again. I need that structure, routine and sense of community. I need to belong. This coming Sunday Fionnuala and I are going to sign up to a house group. The church we have been attending is launching six this month and is encouraging people to sign up to one.

I think it will be good for both Fionnuala and myself to join a group. Within the smaller setting it will be easier to forge new friendships and thus begin to feel more at home within the larger church community. From a personal perspective it will allow me to hopefully be around people who I can learn from. People who consistently exhibit positive traits as opposed to the negative characteristics I have been displaying of late.

You can always learn. Just as you can always grow and change. It is never too late and you are never beyond help. I get a lot of positive comments about the honesty of my writing. It is not pretty. The only pretty I know is pretty ugly. But it is me and it is real. After a decade of pretending to be someone who I am not on social media I am finally unveiling the real Stephen Black. He is broken. He is inadequate.

But he is trying.

How would you rate your behaviour this week?

What can you do to improve as a person?

When you blog do your readers see the real you?

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 15 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

24 thoughts on “Role Models 

  1. Don’t beat yourself up about it – everybody has periods of when they’re not themselves – nobody’s perfect. My behaviour hasn’t been brilliant this week, which I’ve apologies for. I’m keeping in mind the ways I could have reacted better to things in order for next time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We owe it to ourselves to be honest with and about ourselves. This is maturity in Christ and allows Him to work in us. Sometime or another, we all need to say what you just shared. Thank you for your honesty reflecting that we all need Him!


  3. You have already improved as a person by doing all the things you have done so far. You sound very much like me sometimes. You are very hard on yourself. You have learnt from the past and you are slowly casting the shackles aside as you journey each day. My behaviour this week has been shocking. I have been restricting for some reason the food that i need to eat to get my weight up and move away from my anorexia has been left out totally. Why? I wish i knew. It is just a place i am in at the moment. I hate this place “the voice” has a strangle hold on me and is being stubborn to say the least. My readers certainly see the real me when i blog, i am very open about my struggles with my eating disorder and depression. It clears my head to talk about it, instead of shutting myself away and keeping it all bottled up.
    Enjoy the time with your son, enjoy the rugby, enjoy the night, just enjoy……………


  4. I am so in need improvement everywhere but like you I am trying. I will get that improvement through, prayer, God, and His Word. It is the only place I don’t get bogged down with opinions, or interpretations, it gives me what He wants me to have, when He knows I am ready to have it. I am me when I blog, so I figure readers see the real me. God Bless you :):)


  5. I admire your ability to blog daily. I write my posts well ahead of time, and edit them as their scheduled publishing date looms closer. But when I do blog, people definitely see the real me: the good, the bad, and the ugly.


  6. I haven’t the first clue about rugby, but I’m glad you’re taking the time to connect with your son over his sport. That is so important. I am the real me on my blog, but it can be hard! There have been some posts I thought twice about, but was encouraged by fellow bloggers like you and decided it was better to be genuine. And those posts have been some of my most-liked! I’d give myself an 8/10 for behavior this week. I’ve been sluggish and grumpy with sleep and health issues. I need to become more diligent about my exercise program.


  7. thanks for the post. There are a lot of good things to think about. I think i have been well behaved this week. I am cooprtating with the mrs and taking direction well and am intentionally being nice to cashiers and the like.


  8. I’m glad you’re accountable and honest. I think sometimes we can hide behind the messages we want to spread to others. We become comfortable thinking we are doing enough, but ignoring our heart. I understand that. That’s usually when God pricks my spirit, and is like, “Hey, you should write about this, others will understand.”

    I’ve been working on prayer time, trying to incorporate worship and then reading psalms as part of my prayer, reading scripture God places on my heart. It’s incredible when I give time God the time He deserves, how I hear Him. I really need to do it more.

    I hope the smaller group helps you too 🙂 it’s always nice to be surrounded by community, especially face to face.


  9. I admire your honesty and I totally get what you mean. It’s very easy for a blogger to be hypocritical, being a person online and another out of the blogging community.

    My week wasn’t so bad. I’d say I did okay like a 5/10, obviously, I could have done much better.

    Setting structures and accountability are very important.


  10. The Lord is faithful and ever present.

    To meditate:

    What are our own feelings?

    What do we want for ourselves and for others, and what do we put into practice?

    The focus of our own faith is good and love, or is it hatred, or is it mixed, what makes us false?

    We understand that the force that inflates and deceives our ego, and makes us the god of ourselves, is the same force that will take us to the abyss, will bring us down and make us suffer?

    We know how to descend from the altar of the ego, and thus refuse to worship the “I”, what would be an idolatry?

    With humility, we place ourselves under the protection of the Lord and his guidance, in all subjects?

    With honesty, do we know how to remain faithful to the Lord?

    Faithfully, do we invoke the Lord in the best and worst of times? And we call upon him in the Spirit and in truth, in person?

    Do we assume our weaknesses and our own mistakes, and set out to repair them?

    Are we grateful for your daily mercy?

    100% Jesus: There is a method


  11. This took a lot of self-awareness to even admit to yourself and courage to share with others. As someone new to her faith, I’m continually experiencing something similar. My prayer for both of is He continues to lead us toward His standards and expectations, that we may find and rekindle the light in us. God be with you.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: