Quietly Excited 

It is 6:37 am in balmy Northern Ireland and I can’t sleep. The reason why? Adam’s big rugby match is less than four hours away and I’m excited about it. I never sleep well the night before one of his matches and tonight has been no exception. I kept wakening up, had weird dreams and then dozing off again. I won’t get back to sleep now so thought I might as well squeeze a blog post out of it.

It is good to feel excited. I’m excited about being excited again as it’s an emotion I haven’t experienced much lately. I have been in a rut this last week or so and a lot of my writing has been negative and about my past. I have revisited a lot of dark places from there and this has taken its toll. Some of that darkness has seeped back into my present life and that has not been healthy. It has sucked the life out of my bones and left me feeling agitated and irritable.

I read a blog post the other day about a mental health illness where the sufferer is unable to derive pleasure from anything. They are incapable of feeling excited about anything. I know this does not relate to me because I am different. I have chosen not to feel excited about anything. I have allowed the darkness to suffocate my light. That has to change. Starting now.

I have a lot to be excited about. There is a lot happening in our busy lives and I’m grateful to God for everything He has done for us this year. The Bible is full of excitement. Imagine how Moses must have felt when he parted the Red Sea? David after he slew Goliath? Daniel as he walked unscathed out of the lion’s dead? The disciples on a daily basis as they watched and listened to Jesus? Never let it be said that the Bible is a dull book. It overflows with excitement.

My heart needs to overflow with excitement. Overflow into other people’s lives and drown their own fears and inadequacies. It is time to crush depression and anxiety. But that excitement has to be genuine. Not the once a week ‘happy clappy Christianity’ that some try to portray at church on a Sunday. Parading their perfect families and fake smiles while in their hearts there is nothingness. I want my excitement to be real and genuine. 

I am not that type of person. My default setting is ‘glass half empty’. I don’t run round church with my hands in the air singing ‘Praise Jesus’. I am a quiet worshipper. I read, I write and I think. A lot. Possibly too much. But I want to be a quietly excited worshipper. And that means immersing myself in more positive environments. The people I spend time with, the books I read, the music I listen to.

It will soon be time to get up and face the day. I am excited about today. And not just because of the rugby match. I am excited to be alive and well. I am excited to be married to a wonderful woman and to have three fantastic children. I am excited to be writing these words to you. In fact I am excited for you and the plan that God has mapped out for your life. I won’t shout. I won’t roar. But I am excited. Quietly excited.

2 Samuel 6:14 – ‘And David danced before the Lord with all his might.’

What plans have you for the weekend? Are you excited about them?

What is your emotional ‘default setting’?

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

16 thoughts on “Quietly Excited 

  1. Always appreciate your honest vulnerability – so different than the masks many wear. I have to constantly lean on the affirmations in the scripture and embrace the fact that my Maker made me contemplative and low-key. It helps me to walk in the gift of joy if I start my daily journal entry with a statement of gratitude.

    Had a friend of a friend pass from cancer this week (in spite of daily prayers for healing by my wife and I for many months). I could see that as a defeat by the enemy, but I know the enemy did not triumph in the end. I am grateful that he had a saving relationship with Jesus! And we have the explicit promise that not even death can take us out of His hand.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t know why but I’ve never really been able to wear a mask with anyone. I’m either all of me screw ups, gifts, and all or you don’t know me. As a child of a family of alcoholics I will say this everyone is different but: If my Dad were trying like you’re trying it would be the miracle answering my prayers since I was old enough to understand anything! Ruts do come, just like the Slough of Despond for Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress, but we have a glorious hope and Help to get us through them. Much love brother I’ll be praying that you have a better week 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand being “quietly excited” Thanks for sharing. I admit to being guardedly excited because I just know (Deep down) that somehow something bad will happen to squelch the good even though it often doesn’t happen


  4. I have a visitor here for over a week now. She suffers from depression and mental illness. I’ve spent a lot of time with her and it is affecting my mood, so I spent time in the Word this morning. Now, I’m at the computer having blogged with some Scriptures that lifted me up. My husband and I are taking the twelve step program through Celebrate Recovery so we can offer the program at our church. That too, has you take a personal inventory of the past – the good and the bad. It’s made me irritable as well. So, I’m so glad for this small respite to gather my emotions and set them on a better footing, so to speak. I tend to be optimistic, but there are moments….
    May God bless your weekend and your encouragement. How blessed we are to have Jesus on our side, no matter our circumstances. I will say a short prayer for you and your family. I dare not promise more. Nice to read your post.


  5. Well written, brother. Thank you for sharing and the reminder about God’s Good Book… You’re right, there are a lot of exciting things in there if we let it sink into our hearts. I can completely relate to your default setting… Mine is worry… I don’t find myself getting excited much these days either, I mean genuine excitement. I wear a smile every day, but inside I struggle to find joy and allow myself the freedom to rejoice even in the little things for fear that somehow that small act would take away that good thing. Anyhow… I can relate. 🙂 Thanks for your vulnerability. 🙂


  6. First read on your blog. I was studying to be a minister many years ago. I went through a solid depression from an early age. I stopped going to church and held my beliefs and fear inwardly. I started changing and forming a new set of God-based beliefs years ago. 7 1/2 years ago I had a massive bleeding stroke. It killed me and changed my life by rebooting my brain. Now, I have a very close relationship with God. I am spiritual, not religious. Church does nothing for me, but I know it does for others. I am happy and while I don’t run around praising God either, I do blog about my beliefs and talk about them and share them when asked.
    Glad to hear you are well, too.


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