For There Lurk Demons

Sometimes you hit a crossroads in life and I think I am there now. It has been an undulating and meandering route but I am there. So where do I go? The crossroads is barren and offers no clues as to the way ahead. There are no signposts or clues as to which road to take. There are no fellow travellers to consult with. All I know is that I cannot go back the way I came for there lurk demons.

I am weary and fearful that if I delay my decision much longer then it will be too late. The window of opportunity will be firmly and permanently shut in my face. The options open to me will disappear like wisps of smoke in a clear, blue sky. I look to the skies for inspiration but see only the gaunt vultures circling me under the watchful, unblinking eye of the searing sun.  They smell death. The death of my dreams.

I crave death. The death of my past. I want to cut free from the stifling chains of guilt and worthlessness. The voices that tell me I have failed. For they are seductive liars who flaunt their wares brazenly in front of my tearful eyes on a daily basis. I no longer believe the lies but they still sting like salt on a fresh wound. They circle me mockingly and show no respite. They seek to overwhelm me but I will not succumb to their falsehoods.

I look to God for guidance but he is silent. Is his silence a sign in itself? Is there a purpose behind his silence? Or is he screaming in my ears but I choose not to listen? Is my spiritual deafness self inflicted? The cruellest enemy is the one who knows you best. And I know myself very well. I know every chink in my threadbare armour. Every exposed area where the steel of the enemy can plunge deep through flesh and muscle until it strikes home, piercing my very soul.

I see myself lying at the crossroads as my essence drains out of me to be consumed by the dusty, thirsty road. My very being ebbs away as my eyes glaze over. There are no Good Samaritans on this road. Only the crossroads and a decision to be made. Is there a right decision? Is the wrong decision making no decision at all? I renounce the confusion in my head. The fog of the enemy has no place in my mind. I pray for clarity and truth. 

I look down as my right foot tentatively steps forward. Followed by another step. Then another. I am walking. Forwards. I know not where this path leads and I know not why I have chosen it. But a decision has been made. I leave the crossroads behind me and move on, leaving the vultures behind. The distant horizon offers only baffling anonymity. I see no end to my journey. I see no fireworks or marching bands. Only the road. But every step is another one away from my past.

For there lurk demons.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

37 thoughts on “For There Lurk Demons

  1. I cannot tell you how much this post echoes the thoughts of my heart on a daily basis. God give us both faith to hear His voice and see His guiding light. This year in His word has been revealing and often painful knowing where I’ve come from and all He has done for me! We must go on from our crossroads, let us remember to leave our burdens there for HIm to carry as He promised. Ahead there is peace!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Beginning eleven weeks ago, every Monday morning, I choose a new scripture to memorize for that week. Last week I chose Jeremiah 6:16 and it immediately popped into my mind as soon as I began reading your post. I think that is what memorizing scripture is supposed to do. It is always there for our heart and minds to draw strength from. Here it is: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” Jeremiah 6:16 For me, I am not only dwelling on the asking part of the verse, but also the doing – walk in it! Huh. That is the hard part.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Psalm 27 The Lord is my light and my salvation;Whom shall I fear?The Lord is the strength of my life;
    Of whom shall I be afraid?
    2 When the wicked came against meTo eat up my flesh,My enemies and foes,They stumbled and fell.
    3 Though an army may encamp against me,My heart shall not fear;Though war may rise against me,
    In this I will be confident.
    4 One thing I have desired of the Lord,That will I seek:That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    All the days of my life,To behold the beauty of the Lord,And to inquire in His temple.
    5 For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion;In the secret place of His tabernacle
    He shall hide me;He shall set me high upon a rock.

    We are each appointed a purpose. I have taken a journey of 3 years to understand that I don’t have to understand where I am going as long as I seek God’s face and will. We go forward in time but look to the past for understanding. I have turned my heart and look to God for understanding then step forward, knowing His rod and staff comfort and guide me giving me faith as I trust in Him.

    My purpose is to encourage others… I pray this encourages you to continue. I pray for you and yours constantly and thank our Lord that He has placed you in my life (via blog). Blessings and above all Love.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Less than 200 followers from reaching 2,000 and I think this post is a clear example of why 🙂

    Your honesty and openness relate to so many of us. I pray in as much as you help others and connect to them, that God connects whatever answer you need today.

    I feel compelled to say, a number of times today, I was reading about we can start making progress and that’s when Satan/darkness begins to try to crush us, to make us feel separated from God. God’s truth is He doesn’t want us to fear, and I find that very powerful.

    Keep walking forward! 🙂


  5. I love the line “I crave death, the death of my past”. It’s very powerful and relatable. I love this post ❤️


      1. I crave the death of my past as well. I wish there were things I could forget. Memories I wish would disappear. Choices I made that I wish I could go back and change.


        1. I’ve been blogging for 5 months now and much of it is about past decisions and mistakes. I can’t undo them but I’m trying to use my writing to show others that there is hope, no matter how dark your past is. I’m following you now and will get caught up on your posts. You are not alone. Every mansion can be extended to build new rooms and new memories. You are a work in progress and there are better times ahead. Feel free to read some of my other posts.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. A little late here, but a very powerful thought nonetheless:

    “All battles are fought over your future, not over your present or past circumstances.

    The enemy doesn’t oppose who you are – he opposes who you are to become. It is
    not what you did, but it’s about what you are going to do.”

    Rod Carpenter, Jr. The Necessity of an Enemy


  7. I have come to believe that it is when God seems so far away (the dark night of the soul) is actually when he is closest. We just can’t see. Remember you are in good company. Most of the saints and those closest to God experience this from time to time.


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