Two nights ago I woke up at 2:45 a.m. And that was me wide awake. No matter how much I tossed and turned I could not get back to sleep. Why? I have no idea. There was nothing particular on my mind and everything I tried to return to the land of nod was doomed to failure. I read, I got up for a while, I even blogged (my blogs have sent many to sleep these last few months but it didn’t work on me) but all to no avail.

In the end I gave up and drove into work early. I was in the office for 07:00 a.m. My colleagues gave me strange looks as they drifted in but thankfully none of the usual hilarious quips that accompany such an early morning premonition; for example ‘Has she finally seen sense and kicked you out?’ or ‘Did someone wet the bed last night?’ Oh my aching sides….

The rest of the day passed in a drowsy fog. No amount of Diet Coke could shake it. I was The Walking Dead. By 09:30 I was ready for my lunch (thankfully not brains) and I struggled to focus on my computer screen and the words on it. A lunchtime run helped lift my slumber a little but by 3:30 p.m. I was ready for home. My working day had been a bit of a non event. Sleep deprivation was wreaking havoc with my Friday. I was tired, grouchy and wide open to any negative, intrusive thought that happened to drift across my consciousness.

When I hit the sack last night I don’t think I managed five pages of the book I am currently reading. I normally need a good twenty pages before drifting off. I must have been asleep by 10:30 p.m. I slept, largely uninterrupted, until 08:00 a.m. I woke up a new man. Fresher, more alert and feeling less sorry for myself. When Fionnuala, who was heading out for the day with the girls, asked me what I had planned I even mentioned the words ‘gardening’ and ‘cleaning’ in the one sentence. Unheard of!

I had caught up on my sleep. I need it just like I need water and food. Without it I struggle to function at the level required of me. Physically and mentally. Deprivation leads to disintegration. The same applies to my spiritual life. These last few weeks I haven’t been at church, haven’t been reading my Bible and haven’t been praying. I have struggled as a result. I have been less patient with people and more likely to get annoyed with them. I have been bearing grudges and unwilling to forgive. I have felt sorry for myself and resentful of others. I have set a poor example to those around me.

I want my writing to inspire and provoke thought. I want to offer hope to those without hope. I want to bring light into the lives of those who currently are surrounded by darkness. I want this blog to be the launch pad for my book. I have a story and I want to share it with others. But without God getting involved none of that is going to happen. Even the most expensive sports car isn’t going to move an inch without fuel in it. I need spiritual fuel just as much as I need sleep. I need it more so. Without it I grind to a halt.

Today is a new day. I will run. I will garden. I will clean. Fuelled by a proper sleep. But I’m also going to make a point of picking up my Bible and talking to God. For without that my soul dries up and the words cease to flow from my keyboard. I just ask that you take care of your own needs today. Physical, emotional and spiritual. Whatever your belief system do what you have to do in order to be properly fuelled to face the challenges of the day ahead.

None of us can do it on our own. You may feel utterly lost and alone as you reading this. Broken and worthless. Running on empty. Let me tell you that you are not. You just need the proper fuel to get going again and back into the race. You are special, unique and precious. We need you to be whole again. Don’t give up. Ever.

Are you running on empty today? I hope these words have been of some comfort to you. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

25 thoughts on “Fuel 

  1. I also got a great sleep last night. this past week I’ve had early starts every day. I’m getting used to a new routine of early mornings. And so its also early nights for me. Night meds on bord and I’m done for. I’m glad you are having a nice day and that you feel refreshed. xxx


  2. Ah the miracle of sleep. It’s crazy how a good proper night’s sleep can set the next day so right. Even sets the brain right! Less opportunity for negative invasive thoughts. Always enjoy reading your posts. xo


  3. This is a refreshingly honest read. It is amazing the fresh perspective we get, from plugging into our source… and getting sleep. We are more prone to our own particular weaknesses when vulnerable through lack of sleep. Our wife’s are happier when we sleep well also…


    1. Great read. I know i write that everytime but it is such and enthralling read. I run on empty virtually all the time. I do not even know sometimes how i manage to get through a day. For some reason “the voice” in my head seems to be happy to make me feel physically and mentally exhausted for most of my days. I feel in a very very odd way more satisfied with how my day has gone if i am going through it running low on fuel……… Strange??????? Yes but it is the nature of my illness and mental state.


        1. Thank you i am slowly feeling like some days i am putting him in his place other days when i feel down he rules the roost. I too am looking to prepare to write a book. Will be interesting how we both perceive “the voice”

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Sleep is wonderful. After leaving my job, I knew my body needed to catch up on sleep because I was always so exhausted. But I also know the value and importance in spiritual fuel. I have been running on empty lately—while I’ve been to church, I haven’t picked up my Bible as I should outside of it. Thank you for the reminder and inspiration to do so. 💜


  5. A thought provoking blog! Thank you…

    My sleep has improved massively because I bought a Nikken magnetic quilt and pillow. There is also a mattress pad topper as well which is on my wish list for later this year. It is like having a cocoon of magnetic energy which is warming and soothing. It is an amazing way to recharge while you sleep… it takes sleeping to a whole new level.

    I have noticed it helps me to shake off all the toxic negative energy of the day. Not just toxic energy from other people’s energy, but the electromagnetic frequencies we are all being bombarded with every day from wifi, cordless phones, microwaves, cell phones, air conditioners and other appliances.

    Highly recommended. Now if only I could stop needing to get up in the night for a visit to the bathroom, all would be well. 🙂


  6. This happens so much to me, and then I stop for a while realise, am all alone, I’ve tried to do it all by myself and the results is things fall apart one by one in front of my face, (qm not saying that life is perfect when we pray, but it changes us to perceive, understand life differently,) when there is no sense of peace in the middle of my chaos then I remember I need my father to step in, I have left him aside!


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