Elf Hath No Fury

I appreciate that some of my subject matter can be quite dark and depressing at times but today’s post marks a new low. I apologise in advance to the more fainted hearted of you but this story has to be told.

We have a thief in our midst.

When Rebecca told me she wanted to bring home an elf this Christmas I was initially excited. I was thinking Cate Blanchett, Liv Tyler or Evangeline Lily.

But no I got Elfy the Elf….

Since then he has wreaked havoc. And I give you….

Day 1

Day 2

But much, much worse was to follow.

He had to take it a step too far. He drank all my Diet Coke. You don’t want to meet Stephen without Diet Coke. He’s like The Hulk. Except I’m not green. And don’t have his muscles. But apart from that. Literally identical.

Day 3

This means war on the elves. I shall be raising an army of orcs forthwith and descending from Mordor upon Elfy and his kin. They can expect no mercy when, on my command, hell is unleashed.

They shall not pass….

*Elf & Safety Footnote – No elves were harmed during the making of this blog post. So far *

Are you suffering an infestation of elves this Christmas?

What is your favourite LOTR race? Hobbits? Dwarves? Elves? Orcs? Ents?!?!

51 thoughts on “Elf Hath No Fury

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  1. The elves have been all over my Facebook this season! ๐Ÿ˜Š haha. A lot of my friends are experiencing it with their kids. And I think my favorite race in LOTR is the hobbits… because they are so ordinary, but yet they end up living extraordinary lives.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Humour and wit… ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I hope you donโ€™t mind my nomination for the lovely blog award…
    for the (boring but necessary) rules..: myaphorisms.com
    ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha. Thanks for the laugh, Stephen. I needed this this morning. Actually, upon reading your post I am reminded of an amusing news article about a globe-trotting garden gnome that I read some time ago: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1043552/Gnome-Stolen-garden-elf-returned-7-month-adventure-world.html

    As for my favourite LOTR species… hmm… has to be orcs.

    By the way – get this – I’m going to a “Satanic Flea Market” at Bethnal Green in London on Sunday (see:https://www.timeout.com/london/things-to-do/satanic-flea-market-anti-christmas-fayre) . It’s a Krampus Festive Fayre that’s held there every year.

    …Should certainly be different! Haha. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Oh and I relate 1000,000% to what you say about being grumpy without diet coke; I drink gallons of Pepsi Max and coffee every day – caffeine is like my performance enhancing drug of choice.

    Okay, take it easy – and once again, thanks again for the laugh, Stephen.

    Liked by 1 person

          1. I’ve only lived in the US. But, we’ve lived in Nebraska, Washington state, Florida and now Hawaii. My husband has lived in the Philippines, Germany, California, Texas, Nebraska, Washington state, Florida, South Carolina and now Hawaii.

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  4. these are some great pics. Is Cate Blanchett available for elf duty? The empty diet coke bottles remind me of a joke. Hey danny, why do you drink diet coke? So I can eat real cake.

    Like

  5. I never did the elf, the kiddos were too old and new the truth about santa by the time they started getting popular. Sometimes I wish I had the chance to do it, others I am thankful I didn’t have to because the poor elf would have moved for a week and probably stayed put until Christmas after that.

    Like

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