Beardy McBeardFace – Part One

I don’t have a bucket list but if I ever compiled one I reckon that growing a beard would have been on it. I’ve never had a beard, stubble yes, but never a full one. I’ve always wondered what it would look and feel like. Would I resemble a mighty warrior from Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones? Or a sad, middle aged man who should really know better.

Fionnuala hates all things face furniture and has always been strongly against the idea of me growing one; anything beyond a two day stubble and she looks at me disapprovingly. She thinks they are dirty but finally relented a week ago and said I could grow one over the Christmas holidays. So it was with much excitement that I banished my razor and shaving foam to the back of the bathroom cabinet. Operation Beardy McBeardyFace was go go go!

There was little to report over the first few days but, as we now reach the week mark, I have become fixated by my facial hair. I have been caught examining it in the mirror. This is bizarre as I normally hate looking at my own reflection and avoid doing so whenever I can. Yet the beard has an eerily hypnotic pull and keeps drawing me back. I find myself stroking it without realising that I am. I even shampooed it the other evening. If this were to continue beard oils and combing may enter the equation. I am like a child with a new plaything.

There are pros and cons to growing a beard. I considered working out how much I would save in toiletries over the course of a year but then decided this was a step in sadness too far. The same goes for the 3.475 days a year I now have to spend on other activities. Like staring in the mirror at myself. Or shopping for beard oils and other related products. The beard is saving me time and money. All I have to do is sit back and do nothing. What’s not to love about that?

The experiment has also reassured me that I do not possess a ginger gene. Being Irish this has always been a concern of mine. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against redheads. Belinda Carlisle was the first love of my life. I used to stalk Sophie Turner from Game of Thrones around Belfast city centre. And Ed Sheerin and Prince Harry have made it cool to be ginger again; no, this all comes from the darkest recesses of my school days when to be a ginger was akin to having social leprosy; you were a pariah, an outcast to be mercilessly mocked for all the days of your life. Duracell Head, Carrot Top, Ginger Ninja and so on and so forth.

I was tubby, shy and wore glasses but at least I wasn’t ginger. Or was I? Thankfully the beard has allayed any concerns I might have had. Not even a hint of copper. It has sprouted up reassuringly dark apart from a grey section around my chin which I think makes me look most distinguished. George Clooney eat your heart out. Why didn’t I think of this years ago. I could have been modelling for Armani. Not only does the beard turn me into a Holywood sensation but it also covers the many parts of my face that I am not so enamoured with. Everyone’s a winner.

Yes a week in and everything is going swimmingly. When I started writing this post I never envisaged it developing into a two parter. Yet it has. You see the beard is taking over. It has developed a life of its own. It is like an alien life form that has attached itself to my face and taken over my mind. And for all the advantages I have listed above there are as many, if not more, disadvantages. The beard is most definitely not beardier on the other side. Part Two will cover all that so try to contain yourselves.

And no before you ask I’m not posting a photo of my bearded self. Some of you may be of a nervous disposition and I don’t want to scare you.

Men – do you have a beard? What have been your experiences with facial hair?

Women – are you a fan of face furniture? Beards? Moustaches? Hipster goatees?

47 thoughts on “Beardy McBeardFace – Part One

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  1. Your post hits close to home. After never having a beard I have grown one, at least for a couple weeks, now and then over the past couple years. Shaving is a pain but I think I like the feel of a clean shave. Once the holidays are over I’ll be back to the old look.

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  2. I don’t mind if my husband is clean-shaven, but I like his beard. I told him that if he grows it long enough, I’m going to braid it like a dwarf’s beard. That would be awesome! ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. With my parents, it’s the opposite. My mom would love my dad to grow a beard, but with his job he can’t, as it would interfere with oxygen masks and such. I’m not sure he would want to grow one anyway ๐Ÿ˜‚.
    Looking forward to Part Two!

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  4. My husband tends to grow out his facial hair during vacations and holiday time off. I donโ€™t mind, except for the first few days of stubble that scratch my face. As long as he doesnโ€™t grow a hipster beard that goes down to his chest (which he would never do anyway), Iโ€™m ok with the face furniture ๐Ÿ˜‚

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  5. ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m so sad you’re not posting a pic of this shenanigan and I was icredibly surprised that having red haur in Ireland of places you would be an outcast ๐Ÿ˜ฑ I was always really sad I didn’t get the redish auburn hair that should have come from my long line of Irish genes but alas no luck…as far as beards go some people pull them off some people dont but I do agree that they beed to be well groomed to be acceptable at all a dirty greasy beard is tres mal. Enjoy yours while it lasts ๐Ÿ˜‚

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  6. No beard here. I generally shave every other day. If i go much longer than that i do not like it. I have thought about growing a beard but have never followed through on the idea. Good on you for giving it a go though.

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  7. You are so like my hubby! Being in the military, he has to be clean shaven. Whenever he has a few days off (which is very rare so I appease him and play along) he will try to grow a little facial hair. His problem is that it doesn’t grow! ha He looks like a teenager trying to grow a beard. It’s hilarious but I don’t tell him I just tell him he’s sexy either way! lol

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