Bite Your Lip

Sometimes you need to bite your lip. For the greater good. Today is one of those days. I’ve been worrying about today all week. Anxiety has been tapping on my chest like the first drops of rain tapping against a window, harbingers of the coming storm. For me that storm is avoidable today. But I will need to bite my lip. A lot.

Fionnuala won’t be with me today as she is away visiting her aunt and uncle in Dublin. I will be on my own. I feel exposed and inadequate but this is something I need to do, something I have to get through. Somehow. There is a bigger picture here, a longer game to be played. Today is only a skirmish. There are many more important battles after today. So I have to bite my lip.

I am passionate. I shoot my mouth off at times because I care. The old me didn’t really care about anything other than himself. I would trample over the needs of my nearest and dearest on a regular basis. Caring too little was my downfall. Today it could be because I care too much. Is that a sign of progress? Of a deepening maturity? Or is it merely a different side of the same coin?

I need to bite my lip until it hurts. Until I draw blood if necessary. Taste it, savour it, lick it from my dry lips but not a word, Stephen, not a word. Surround your thoughts and impulses with wisdom and patience today. I hate it, I hate it. I want to say it as I see it. I want to rant and rave at the injustice of it all. I want to kick and punch and scream until I’m blue in the face. But to do so would be selfish. And that boat has sailed. I’m different now.

So I’ll bite my lip. I will embrace the pain for the pain is my anchor. It will steady and focus me as events unfold. I’ll be the eye of the storm. I will smile and nod in all the right places and keep my thoughts to myself. I will not let the side down for if I do I might not be in the side come next time. It will hurt but that is nothing compared to the hurt and repercussions of speaking out today.

The truth will not be heard today. I will tuck it away for another time. It can wait. The weight of waiting increases my anxiety. The pitter patter on my window increases. And before you know it these isolated drops of anxiety have transformed into dark, unrelenting sheets of depression. I know the signs. I’ve been battered by this storm many times before. But not today. For today I’ll bite my lip.

The truth will set you free I’m told. Well that is true but today freeing the truth would be akin to unleashing a brontosaurus in a fine china boutique. So the truth must remain unspoken and in shackles. The truth is a double edged sword. It can be liberating but you have to pick your moment. Timing is everything. Today is not the time. So I’ll bite my lip and grimace through what needs to be grimaced through. That is what I must do.

Biting ones lip is often regarded as a seductive act. But today I cannot be seduced by the satisfaction of revenge and retribution. That would be too easy. I need to rise above it and survey the battlefield below. I want to be on that battlefield. I want to charge headlong into the enemy; screaming and slashing. Killing in the name of. Until they are no more and I am breathless and sated. Exhausted but exhilarated.

Revenge is so satisfying, it slides down your throat as smoothly as ice cream on a scorching summers day. But today I will feel as if I am swallowing razor blades as each pointless platitude is proffered. It will be the smallest of small talk but needs must and I need to muster the strength to get through this ordeal. Or deal with the consequences at my leisure. Today will be a hard day. My eyes will blaze and my heart will burn with white hot fury. But I’ll bite my lip. Because I’m better than them.

Have you ever had to bite your lip and say nothing for the greater good?

How did it feel? Was it worth it? Please comment below and share your experiences.

45 thoughts on “Bite Your Lip

Add yours

  1. You have such an amazing gift for writing, Stephen. Each and every time I read one of your posts, I am drawn in through the passion and the emotion that comes through.
    Never stop writing!
    Hayley 😊

    Like

  2. I bit my lip a lot against my mother’s constant criticism. I wanted to call her out on it, but most of the time it was worth it to avoid an argument, though that didn’t solve anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am finding that I have to bite my lip at work a heck of a lot at the moment. If I did not I would probably go ballistic but ultimately make a fool of myself and i don`t want to do that. So the lip is taking some punishment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I call this place the chameleon phase. It’s when I learnt that it IS necessary to display different aspects of our personality where and when needed, in order to not unnecessarily rock the boat and I for one do think it’s a form of emotional maturity. Where others might see it as being fake, I think it’s more like being authentic in that moment because not one of us are one thing. We are everything making a choice in each situation to act a certain way. Just my view

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Very honest and deep post. The search for these types of feelings is extremely dangerous without a doubt. As time goes by you need more and more of it in order to feel alive. For me, it’s speed, drivings very fast preferably on a motorcycle. I cheated death some many times and I must say I loved that rush it gives you. Maybe one day it will be fatal, I am fully aware and I am ok with it.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. As a child,’biting my lip never even dawned on me a possibility. I lied about everything. How awesome my absentee dad was, how much fun I had at home with my family,reality was, I was a latchkey abandon.I was fed & clothed out of obligation. Psych meds weren’t only a ‘go-to’, they were second nature. “Don’t you take your pills at breakfast & before bed?” Sadly, ‘friends’ cared not for the “Reality of Truth”. Only the idea of it. Now that I’m an adult, I tend to grip my emotions as if I’ll never feel anything again were I to let them run. Mangled & unbrideled to my lips. I never doubted my emotions,although Feared them at times.I use my vocabulary these days,while it helps,it never quite replaces screamin’ like a banshee or telling the world exactly how I feel. Takes a strong person to battle what they know to be true. Deep breathes. . The time will come & May your bitten lip show blinding strength, to a world I’m positive deserves to be bitten itself.

    Like

  7. Yes, I use to bite my lip, and still do but instead of burying it, I get somewhere where I can let it out, and talk to God about it. I vent, I tell Him exactly, and I mean EXACTLY what I am thinking and feeling, no sugar coating it. What’s the point of sugar coating it(lying) because He already knows. I feel better, and He resolves the issue. Even if He doesn’t resolve the issue on the outside, He resolves it on my insides. God Bless you :):)

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It won’t hurt to give it a try :):) try not to do what I did at first. At first I tried to sugar coat it, and got nothing. Then right in the middle of my sugar coating sessions, I said who am I trying to kid, Lord you know I’m angry, mad pissed whatever it was, and I let it rip, my TRUE feelings, and asked for help. A wave of peace came that only comes from Him. It was then I realized I wasn’t coming with an honest, humble heart. When I did He helped me.

        Like

  8. Is this another step towards evolution? Humans without lips/ mouths? We already don’t need our lips to speak, since we are in the age of texting + emojis. Now, the lip biting to prevent blunders, blowouts, whatnot. Why are we so angry at our lips. They can do so much good…

    Like

  9. I often think about the Scripture – in James – ”’…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.”

    I haven’t mastered the slow-to-anger part yet…

    Like

  10. Thank for writing this. I need do do it more. Apparently, not every thought you have has to be spoken out loud. Something I’m learning. Slowly.

    Like

      1. A great analogy. I’m going to need to visualise that speed bump whenever I think I might say something I need to think about first. I’ve also heard of doing nothing for twelve hours after something gets to you. Leave it for twelve hours and see how you feel. I guess it’s a bit like sobriety. Whenever I thought I might like a drink in the early days, I’d tell myself “I’ll have one tomorrow”. It always got me through.

        Like

  11. This brings to mind a verse:

    If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. – 1st Corinthians 13:1 (NIV).

    A few verses before one of the more popular ones (13:4). I can see that your posts are done with love.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: