I’m A Christian But I Intensely Dislike (But Don’t Hate) People

Sorry about the cumbersome title but I know ‘us lot’ aren’t allowed to hate people because Jesus says we shouldn’t; even though God spent most of the Old Testament laying down fire from above on anyone who looked at the Israelites the wrong way. Jesus is right of course but then Jesus is always right. So us Christians must turn the other cheek (ouch), love our neighbour (have you met my neighbour?!?!) and carpet forgive even the most heinous of acts. Hands up who does that on a 24/7/365 basis?

Hmmmmm….thought not.

Of course there will be a smattering of raised arms from the ‘Stepford Wives & Husbands’ Brigade who you see glamming it up with their perfect 2.4 children (boy named after obscure Old Testament minor prophet, girl called Grace, not sure about the .4) at a evangelical ‘super’ church near you every Sunday. They love everyone and will tell you that while nodding enthusiastically; fixed, rictus grins plastered to their faces. Until they ignore you in the supermarket the following Wednesday or when they cut you up in their Audi at the school gates without a second thought.

The rest of us will shuffle uneasily and stare at the ground, myself included. Which annoys me because I truly get forgiveness. I like liking people. I don’t want to have enemies just as much as I don’t want my head full of these negative thoughts towards certain individuals. Feeling angry, resentful and vindictive all the time is just so exhausting. It genuinely eats you up and casts a dank cloud over your days which relentlessly follows you around and refuses to budge. I hate blazing arguments and cold, unending silences. I’m the one who apologises even when I know I was in the right just so as to make the peace again.

All very good in theory but then why can’t I practice what I preach. I ran a half marathon yesterday where 3,500 people took part. How many did I speak to during the event? None. That’s right zero, nada, zilch. I skulked in my car before the start and then scuttled off as fast as my aching legs would allow me once I’d lurched over the finish line. In previous years I would have been part of a group who would have travelled down, ran together and then taken lots of selfies afterwards which I would have plastered over Instagram. Just to let people know what a great, popular guy I was.

Those days are long gone. I’m a lone wolf runner now. And not in the enigmatic, Forrest Gump stylee. More in the socially awkward, avoid fellow runners at all costs stylee. If such a stylee exists. While hiding in my car yesterday before the start I messaged Fionnuala to say I had never felt as out of place. Her reply was typically to the point. ‘You’re a runner. You’re about to race. How can you feel out of place? You’ve as much right to be there as anyone else. Stop beating yourself up.’ She’s good like that and it was just what I needed to get my sorry backside out of the car and to the start line.

Saying that I still hid behind a tree right up until the starters klaxon sounded before slipping anonymously into the shuffling herd as they commenced their 13.1 mile odyssey. This post was meant to be about said odyssey but nobody wants to read another running post. They even bore me at times. Runners are geeks. A modern day phenomenon who, if they had been around in the 1980’s, would probably have been playing Dungeons Dragons, spending their weekends rolling 20 sided dice and pretending to be Level 12 paladin knights called Lucius the Avenger.

Rumours that I was in my school’s Dungeons & Dragons Society are totally unfounded and will be strongly contested….

The one observation I will make about the race is that after about a mile a guy I used to be very friendly with passed me. He didn’t see me but I certainly saw him. We ended our friendship on bad terms and as he passed I could feel the waves of anger, resentment and intense dislike (but not hatred) rolling off me towards him. He probably hadn’t spared a thought towards me since we parted company over a year ago yet I still allow myself to be affected so adversely. By him and others. Which filters throughout so many other areas of my life. Outside of my immediate family I trust nobody, I struggle massively to make new friends, I haven’t been to church in over four months and am highly demotivated at my work. What gives God?

I get the theory so please don’t bombard me with lots of well meaning Scripture. I just want to hear from others about their experiences. Christians and non-Christians alike. I’ll even accept comments from the ‘Stepford’ community although of course nobody will own up to membership and they’re probably tied up with Sunday School or a cake sale in any event. Do these feelings bubble up within you? How do you deal with them? Are there particular people who press your button no matter how hard you fight the red mist? How do you move past these feelings? For I’m a bit stuck on this one if I’m honest.

89 thoughts on “I’m A Christian But I Intensely Dislike (But Don’t Hate) People

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  1. I’m not a Christian. Just sayin’.

    Here’s the thing, I “strongly dislike” men yet there are men I love, men who have shown me tenderness in friendship, men who have taught me to love, taught me how to be loved. There are men that have allowed me my venom and understand its source, men who have irritated the f*ck out of me yet compelled me to love them all the same. I have no animosity toward any one male yet I “strongly dislike” men.
    I have figured out that what I strongly dislike is man-kind – that collective ‘thing’ that crawls over earth hurting everything it touches. It is the sneering arrogance, whimpering insecurity of its fragile ego, the weight of its fist and its unquenchable desire to consume others.
    It is an imagined thing I’ve crafted to house my pain and every day real men prove it to be so.

    Perhaps your enemy is painted in the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your perspective which I found really interesting and refreshingly honest. Yeah I agree it could well be ‘mankind’ I struggle with. People generically. But in the case of the person I wrote about he deserves it all for being an idiot of the highest order.

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      1. I should have been clearer, I’m sorry.
        We create enemies to hold our pain, our disappointment, our anger. We have to put it somewhere because it does eat us up. We put it into politics, into sport and into people (individually or as a collective). I made all men carry my anger and pain because I just didn’t know what to do with those feelings.
        When you look at the idiot’s face and you feel that anger, ask yourself what that anger is saying to you? I’m picking he’s done or said something that’s left you feeling powerless or humiliated. Feel free to reach out via the ‘contact me’ option on my blog if you want to talk more privately.

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  2. Even as Christians, we have different personalities. I’ve done personality tests and have discovered that people can wear me out…but I also need people as I can get depressed when alone for too long. Sometimes it’s a catch 22 for me. There are definitely people who are ‘people people’ and then there are others who aren’t. I also think you need to accept yourself for who you are before you can begin to accept others for who they are. Interesting blog post.

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  3. Well, as usual, that is a well-written piece. I can centrally relate to the interaction with adults. I decided to work with children because the dishonesty and game playing of adults really annoys me. Children are honest and what you see is what you get. Since my turn in June, last year and I have had a major physical and mental change that I am trying to work out I have become really mindful of the way I am judged because I have trouble with my memory or I am not the person I was. I do not think you are wrong in what you have said I just think it is seen by the different person because of the varied ways it is dished out to them.
    Just for the record I certainly enjoy reading your blogs and the way you express yourself.

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  4. I am a newish Christian raised as Catholic. The one thing that still makes me strongly dislike someone, is being fake.

    Every church I’ve attended, the people are kind and loving in the church. Outside of that they are really different. Talking down on others, because they don’t have the newest trendsetter style. Or worse, the never ending posts about how generous and helpful they are , picture after picture of look how I live the way God wants us to.

    Then someone they pretend to like in church, calls upon them for more than just a prayer. Then they are busy, or ignore the person completely.

    Thankfully I’ve never been on the receiving end as I avoid these people (I’m an empath and I can feel them a mile away). It gets me so angry to see it, or hear it happening though.

    I’ve told myself I must forgive them, but I find it near impossible. When I become to fixated on thinking of how they treated someone, I try to bring my attention back to the fact that God knows what they are like.

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  5. This is a very well written piece. I can relate on various levels with this. For instance, I now find going to church cumbersome because of the level of ‘fakeness’ that the atmosphere characterizes, in the sense that, there is pressure to seem perfect and dance to the ”kumbaya” tune when in reality it’s supposed to be a place of refuge for the broken and unwell. It is much more refreshing to be with non-church people as they don’t go the extra mile to put up a front.

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  6. Hi,
    I used to be the kind that if I didn’t like that person, I could ignore that person completely as if that person didn’t exist. But God changed me when I asked God “teach me how to love like he does” and he slowly changed me. Years ago, there was this friend in my old fellowship group that was quite weird to me that time that acts like a big kid never grown up and many people disliked him. Then my fellowship group leader said something remarkable that changed my perspective completely- “He is not lovable, because he was not being loved.” That moment was like a bang in my head! Yea, probably no one show him how Jesus’ unconditional love is supposed to be, no matter what he is like, who he is, God still LOVES him. As Christian, we are called to love all people, whether lovable or not. As God taught me this, I slowly able to understand people more, for example, why he/she would behave this way or think this way, where is that coming from, etc, and that helps me to be able to accept them more. That friend in my old fellowship group I mentioned, accepted Jesus and he grew a lot in Jesus as he saw God’s unconditional love and examples of men-of-good through the fellowship group leaders.
    I’d say I’ve found much more peace and find the world even more lovely when I allow God to teach me love like he does, and our father will do the same for you! 🙂

    God bless you,

    Michelle

  7. I would like to read a detailed race report of the Omagh Marathon. Looking at your training runs, I would say that you are more a 1:40 man than a 1:50 man. Obviously, I cannot give advice to a runner that I have never met, but you might be selling yourself short and you are more of a runner than you realize. Good luck with the next 4 weeks of training. I am sure that you will have a great run in Belfast. Just go out and enjoy it.

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  8. Instead of giving you my own opinions and thoughts, I wonder if more insight could be found for you in a single question: If you could change one thing in your life right now what would it be?

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          1. I really couldn’t possibly explain the depth of the betrayal, but the woman who led me to Christ, mentored me, did my marriage counseling(with her husband), and was a mother to me for over 10 years suddenly changed towards me when I went through a serious depression after my fifth kid. I was forced to leave their church, my best friend were literally called up and told to stop associating with me because I was deceived and needed to repent. Despite again and again meeting with this couple, apologizing to them, praying for them and blessing them, I was shut out. She will not longer look at me if I pass her in the mall, even though I still smile and say hi, because I love her. The whole church treats me as if I’m dead. Try trusting and forming friendships after something like that. It is very very difficult. However, ironically, I trust God more than I ever have before. He has quite literally protected my life these past few years.

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            1. It sounds like a horrible situation. I wrote recently of being snubbed by a supposed Christian friend. He portrays himself as living a perfect life with a perfect family but in reality he is far from it. We too have been effectively cut out off a church. It is a brutal experience. I’m glad it has brought you closer to God. Unfortunately I seem headed in the opposite direction.

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              1. I’m sorry to hear of your pain. There really are no right words to comfort someone who has been through this. I really do hope for your sake that you can separate who God is, from who people are. Remember that Jesus was crucified by the religious leaders of the day. I’d say we’re in good company.

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  9. Stephen, I don’t run, but I get my geek on with baseball and its myriad statistics and history. I don’t hate people either, but as a rule I don’t like them much. This is particularly difficult for a person in my position.

    The tension arises not so much because I’m a pastor, but rather because I know that if folks would do things the way I like them done, we’d all get along famously. Also, if they only knew what was going on inside my head I’m sure they would be more understanding of me and my often selfish ways. I think this fuels my social-awkwardness as I tell myself I just can’t get comfortable around anyone.

    This truly is a nasty place I sometimes reside, but thankfully, not as often or for as long as I used to dwell there. The relief comes when I take to heart what I say to others, “You are valuable in the eyes of God.” This helps me break down that huge wall self-loathing i put up for all the time, money and people I wasted away as a drunk.

    As painful, and sometimes comforting as it is, I am just like everyone else; a walking bundle of insecurities and worry. The difference in/for me is when I allow the comfort of God in. When I do, I see myself through His filter, not mine. This then helps me to see/deal/live with others in a much more positive way.

    Continued blessings on you,
    Chuck

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  10. The main problem with – or for – Christians is that we are human. Being human is a problem. I look at Paul and the other apostles, and I wonder why I cannot be like that. After all weren’t all the apostles and other christian folk – and other God-fearing people – in the bible all perfect 24/7/365? Well, no they weren’t.

    Peter denied having anything to do with Jesus; Paul killed and tortured followers of The Way; Thomas doubted; David had someone’s husband killed so he could have his wife; Moses wasn’t exactly enthusiastic, and was crabbit, grumpy and disobedient, etc . . . they were all human, and failed, and won, too.

    I don’t think God expects us to be perfect. I think he expects us to try our best, and to be who we are. Not what other people think we should be, but to be just who we are, and to be honest in our relationship with Him.

    My wife is a bit like yours. Not afraid to tell me when I’m being an idiot. It is not the first time she has told me, “don’t be daft!”. There is nothing wrong with not talking to people, just as much as there is nothing wrong talking to people. There is nothing wrong being yourself, just honest about it.

    God’s Love is not dependant on our behaviour, response, entitlement or anything, in fact.

    (Apologies if I’ve waffled)

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  11. In 1974 my wife and I joined a church. It became a blood transfusion for my soul. The preaching, teaching, fellowship, and prayer meetings helped my soul to grow in ways it had not before.
    However, accompanying the constructive effects of fellowship there were also the stumbling blocks provided by those who chose to view me with personal bias. There has never been anything easy about rejection. It hurts, and as the apostle Paul wrote, it was like a stake in His body (2Cor 12:7-9).
    Rejection is difficult, but it does not have to incapacitate us emotionally or socially. Paul understood there was a greater purpose behind the pain. He sought God to take it away and found out that God’s strength is completed through our weakness.
    I have been broken and become intensely aware of my own sin of pride, anger, and jelousy in response to the bias of others. The bias is not racial but something very close to home, which attacks who I am by the choice I made decades ago. Hurt only grows more the further we get from a bad choice as we continue to be judgrled for the same thing. The less we are shown grace from men the more we receive grace from God.
    By accepting wrong doing without retaliation or bitterness God has grown my ability to show others grace, which they are usually very appreciatve and vocal.
    There is a disparity between the standards of God and how we live, However, the Christian calling is transcendent. It is above us all and it can only be obained by living life in and by the Holy Spirit. To do that we must accept our sinful response to the criticism, bias, and rejection of others. I hope this helpful.

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  12. Y’know, if you’re going to use Jesus as an example, even he kicked a few turds out of the temple.
    And that’s a story we get after handing-stories-down, translation error, editing stuff. So there may be many more examples of perfectly-acceptable removing of toxic peoples we don’t even get to read.
    😉

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  13. In all fashion, Christians aren’t a new breed. Choosing this path, does not make us immune to anger, bitterness, the likes of negativity. We are human beings, made in the image of God. Was not God full of wrath in the Old Testament? I’d say we inherited his behaviors as well. Words and actions in any matter will hurt anyone, Yes even Christians. Christ is by far the only example of flesh willing to resist any flinching of backlash.
    I for one am a Christian, and it takes a lot for me to remain silent when someone attacks me verbally. It’s a process, on behalf of my previous generation, we have fiery mouths. Lol it’s not without saying, it can be more hurtful when it comes from a relative or friend. People always say, “oh how could you be a Christian and do this or say this.” I’ve gotten so tired of it, I just ignore there comments or them. I don’t need to justify my humanity and Christianity if you don’t invest time to study what being a Christian means.

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  14. Hi. First, thanks for sharing and being so honest. You are spot on about so many things. Next, you sound like my angry husband. 😉 Third, here’s my reply. Being a Christian doesn’t instantly take away our personal flaws and we all have them. Being a runner doesn’t fix things like many people think it does. I ran ‘religiously’ for the past 7 years. (I tend to do things in 7 year periods. ) I made ‘friends’ and had ‘fun’. But by the end of the 7 years I was starting to see that many of these friends were only running related. Not interested in anything but running. Not my family, not talking about anything serious, not about God, not about right and wrong. I felt sad and lonely. But gradually I realized that this was just how I am and how they are. They didn’t change, neither did I .I just joined that world for awhile and I did make a few REAL friends. But the running community itself is just a microcosm of the bigger world. Lots of fakes, lots of shallow people, lots of lost souls, lots of highly competitive people, lots of two-faced people, lots of GOOD PEOPLE, too. I’ve always been an outlier, an independent, a revolutionary. I homeschool my six breastfed, non-immunized kids on a very low income with my husband to whom I defer to because I believe the Bible is the word of God. That makes me weird to many people. But, enough about me. This is about you. From this brief blog I am guessing that anger is your reaction to feeling hurt, left out, unacknowledged, dissed, etc. Some of us blame ourselves (me), some blame others and get angry. It’s okay. Just recognize that it’s really hurt feelings you are dealing with and take it to God in prayer. Ask your Father in heaven to love you and give you peace in this effed up world. He says he will.

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      1. Now I did. Stephen, I so get you. This is a very challenging thing. And I wish I knew the reason why folks like us, who struggle a bit with life anyhow, have bigger issues with forgiveness and trust. As for me, I don’t trust anyone, I cannot forgive and most of the times I dislike people right from the start anyway. Don’t know why. I’ve so many more (social) issues. Read my today’s post. It’s all about my side of the story.
        I guess in the end you need to decide whether you want it done 100% by the bible (and ethics) and forgive or do whatever they say is good or if you want to trust your feelings and feel the grudge for as long as you need to feel it in order to resolve the issue for youself and restore trust in yourself and the people around you. It’s just an idea… But I know it’s a challenging one. 😉

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  15. I understand the frustration with the “picture perfect” Christians who just smile and act like you’re from another planet for having normal problems that they deny and cover up. I appreciate your strength and wisdom and honesty. I’m sorry your family has so many hardships and challenges and you don’t want to fit the status quo. Feel free to praise God in your home and with you wife and children. God is surely with you.

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  16. I went through a long period of time where this was my life. If I could’ve left the church incorporated I probably would have but I was a kid lol and didn’t have that option. There are still often people who infuriate me even just by breathing near me! The only thing that has calmed me down lately when I start feeling like that is humming that old hymn ‘Be Thou My Vision’ it reminds me to see that person the way Jesus sees them no matter what my history with them is. It also reminds me that once I was that horribly irritating and failing person beyond redemption when Christ died for me and pursued me out of absolute love even though I most certainly didn’t deserve it! I guess if Christ could have such radical grace toward me then I should fight within myself to have that same grace for all others!

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  17. First of all, once again, I love your honesty in your posts.
    Second of all, it’s human to feel the things you’re feeling. I went through a stage where I was bitter all the time and just felt….empty all of all things good. People annoy me. There, I said it. People annoy me and when I start feeling this way I just give it to God because He alone is the only one who can take away these feelings. I can’t do it on my own. I need God.
    Just stay close to God and He will take care of you! 🙂

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  18. I too admire your transparency and honesty. I can also say, “been there, know exactly what you’re talking about.” In my case, it wasn’t until I confessed sin to the one I loved the most and saw her response, did I begin to change. She forgave me and has continued to love me despite myself. When I experienced this love, I began to see what unconditional love meant. I, for the first time, began to see myself as a sinner, needing forgiveness. The pain I caused to the one I loved so much was unforgivable, yet I was forgiven. Since that time, this rock of stone, that I called my heart, has softened. I now (more often than not) see people the way I think Jesus sees them. “How could God love that person!”… No longer my mantra. Compassion for others (especially those that we just don’t like) is what Jesus does. Looking at others through His eyes is the only solution. He told the criminal on the cross nailed next to Him, “today you will be with me in paradise.” Jesus saw a repentant heart. Our attitudes, cannot be changed by our own efforts. It has to be Jesus living through us. In Galations 2:20, Paul says, “It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” Paul had a lot of really annoying people around him.
    Thanks for reminding me of this!

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  19. I really get this. This made me laugh and nod my head in agreement. For me loving is easy, but liking is hard. I’m an introvert and I am totally picky about those I share with and spend time with. Some days I can say hi and talk with everyone. Other days I’m thankful for the self check out at the supermarket so I can avoid all human contact. The thing that I find difficult (as my husband is in ministry work and we have been part of the church for years ) is loving and liking people even when they are unfair and unkind. It is difficult being in a position where you are expected for you to get straight to the graceful/forgiveness part. I usually take a little longer to get there with my wounds – but eventually I do. I have been trying to see the good in these situations. I love what Brene brown how Brene brown says ‘People are hard to hate up close – move in’. I’m finding this really helps me. Thank you for your honesty. It is very refreshing.

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  20. One of the hardest things to learn in life is that holding on to those hurt, angry feelings hurts us more than it hurts others. I am still learning. I think that backing away from people and not trusting makes us sad and lonely. I know I have struggled with that over the last year. If we have the strength to open ourselves we will find others who care. We have to be willing to be hurt this is the only way to find true friendship and companions. I am blessed to have a loving family as are you so you know that it is possible to find love. Now you and I both have to take that and move outside with it and be willing to reach out. No one is going to beat a path to our door. We have to take the chance. I’m working on it. I hope you can too. Suzanne

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  21. Even though just about everyone irritates me, I probably irritate and annoy myself more than anyone else. When I’m at peace and liking who I am (the rare moments) then I’m at peace and liking others. How do I get there? Only when I give it up- my precious independence from Him and let God love this wretched heart of mine. And believe He can and does.

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  22. I had to laugh at MaggieL’s comment, for it reminded me of Lucy of the Peanuts Gang–she was just the opposite: “I LOVE Mankind!…It’s people I can’t stand!.
    That being said, my other thought on this post went to Corrie Ten Boom and her famous encounter with a former concentration camp guard who attended one of her talks on faith and love and forgiveness. She couldn’t bring herself to grasp his outstretched hand, and was filled with hate for this man who had tortured her and her sister…instead, she prayed at that instant to be filled with God’s love for this man, and…she was! We can’t do it alone…Charity, the pure love of Christ is a gift we can ask for though…
    Enjoyed reading your post–thanks for visiting mine.
    ———-
    Gail Park
    Making Life an Art

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  23. I don’t think Christ ever told us how to feel about people, but he did command us to love them – through attitude and action – regardless of how we feel. There are some people I will never like, and Jesus says “So what? Love them anyway.”

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  24. Lots and lots of prayer…that’s how I deal with people I find it difficult to like, or even tolerate. I pray that God would change my heart toward them, as my dislike hurts no one but me.

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      1. It does help me, it helps me because, it reminds me that its a breath of fresh air when a lot of people have been afraid to be themselves. In person- I share like you do. I do plan to open up more as lead to, on my blog. Anyways keep being who God created you to be please! 🙂

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  25. I totally get you. Generally speaking, I don’t like people much. I know this might sound weird, but one of my biggest problems with the concept of eternal life is that I have to share it with other people. I can’t imagine the thought of an eternity in the presence of so many of the people I know. For me, eternal life isn’t a comforting thought. From an intellectual perspective, I completely agree with Jesus. Forgiving others and loving others is the only way to open the door for them to change, and to break the cycle of retributive violence (whatever form that takes – even if turned inwards) that broken relationships invariably degenerate into. But actually doing it is another thing altogether.

    You asked for other people’s experiences. Mine has been mixed. I have been cheated on, betrayed, deeply hurt by others. In fairness, I have hurt others too – not claiming to be entirely innocent. Sometimes I have managed to work through it. Other times it has broken me and it has been a real struggle to get back up and trust again. In some of those instances I have prayed for those who hurt me. Daily. And it was hard and I hated it. But it moved me past the hurt – genuinely – and I can engage amicably now. There are other relationships that are so toxic that I elect to remove myself where possible, and I think that is fine. I always act in love when it is demanded of me, because that is how I choose to define myself. But I have learned this: for the reconciliation to happen, it has to be sought from all parties. Forgiveness and repentance work together to achieve reconciliation. Otherwise the hurt just continues. To be honest, I am pretty good at the forgiveness part, but when others can’t repent (or when I cannot repent, too, I suppose), then sometimes it is better to walk away. I found that defining who I waas, how I wanted to respond, was helpful. I even wrote down what I wanted my core values to be. And so when I respond to difficult people, it is based on a choice made deliberately about how I want myself to be, not on who they need me to be. And I find living with my decisions easier as a result. I don’t base my responses on some external religious obligation, but on a purposeful, internalised choice. And that has taken me time to get right and more often tahn I would care to admit I get it wrong. But it really is worth it when I manage to stick to it.

    But that doesn’t change others or how I feel about them. And I don’t see how they are going to magically transform their ways after death, and by some sleight of hand acquire the social skills necessary for co-existence. Because I think one of the problems with the modern me-and-Jesus stuff is that it forgets that we actually need to co-exist. I battle to do that with myself half the time _ I am not even sure I want to spend eternity with me. And now I must throw various others into the mix too? It’s a big ask. Eternity is a hell of a long time. I console myself with the hope that God created an infinite universe for a reason – so that people like me can have entire galaxies to themselves and come out to play only when we feel like it.

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  26. How do I do it? First, I’m not a people person, but the people I do let in, I love completely, with all I can. So when we part, I am damaged. What I do to move past it is pretty juvenile, but its value is not the activity itself, but the habit I’m developing by doing it. I create a story about them. My story is one that explains their behavior in a way that makes me pity them. I come up with the “excuse” for what they did, then I pretend it’s true and forgive them for their actions in light of this “new” information. I know it’s not true, but it gets me in the mindset of seeking first to understand and then granting forgiveness. It sounds so silly, but it’s been a handy tool for the disappointments in my life. Thank you for liking my post a while back. If you hadn’t, I never would have found this one. I needed it today. 🙂

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    1. Reminds me of the Islamic principle of ‘make 70 excuses for your brother’ – meaning always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. Makes it easier to push our pride aside and be more merciful to others.

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  27. I’m not Christian – I’m Muslim – but I stumbled upon your post. My 2cents: in cases of lingering anger, there are obviously unresolved emotional issues with the person. You probably will never resolve everything with everyone else, so perhaps try not to hold yourself to a standard of expecting that all the time. If a person genuinely wants to work things out, good, and try to fix things. But if not, realise that anger is a burden- a hot coal that burns you more than them.

    Try to physically distance yourself from the trigger, and if you do get triggered, put things in perspective: 5, 10, or even 20 years from now, when you look back on this, will this grudge matter? Or will it seem small and insignificant?

    Put your own happiness first and just focus on being the best you possible. You’ll never be perfect- perfection is for God alone – but all you can do is your best, within your natural, human limitations. If it means you won’t get along with some and avoid them, fine.

    The devil uses anger as a tool to stir us and push us into saying and doing things we’ll regret later. Be smarter than that, and in the heat of the situation, just step back, and if necessary, step out of it altogether.

    And just pray for the emotional balance to get past the feeling regarding those people, so that, God-willing, one day you can maybe interact with them again and be a force of positive inspiration.

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  28. You covered what God reminds me to work on, and yeah, it isn’t easy. I’m probably thinking about the pain someone has caused me more than they are thinking about it. And that’s annoying, actually. I don’t want to feel bottled up and pent up with the pain and annoyance. Many of the people over several years who have hurt me, I’ve been able to completely let go of, but I have to admit, some of them took years. It didn’t happen overnight. And I look at it as opportunity and growth in time. 🙂

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  29. Hello. 🙂 I didn’t see your name anywhere on the blog post so I’m not sure what to call you, but I just have got to say, as a Christian, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!! I was abused by my egg donor in a number of ways that I won’t get into here, and all throughout my teen years in our “church,” I was CRYING AND BEGGING for somebody, particularly our female pastor, to love me as a mother, which she wouldn’t do. Ha! Some “shepherd” of the flock, right? She sees a badly injured lamb AND DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP HER! Well, ever since then, I HAVE BEEN DONE WITH CHURCH. It’s worthless, evil, and hopelessly full of crap, as are the vast majority of people who try to claim they’re Christians. They don’t give two farts about people like me. I have been treated with such unbelievable cruelty WHILE I WAS SUICIDAL, MIND YOU, and this has happened time and time again. I do have a relationship with Jesus, thank God. I do believe He loves me in some kind of way that’s impossible for me to understand right now. I don’t understand why He thinks it’s necessary for me to be A HUMAN TOILET IN WHICH I AM CONSISTENTLY CRAPPED ON, but, whatever. So yeah, after the hell I’ve been through, suffice it to say, I DO NOT THINK VERY HIGHLY OF THE HUMAN RACE. I think DOGS have more humanity than so-called “humans” do. For the most part, I think the vast majority of people are nothing but cruel, heartless bags of manure walking around that take pleasure in ripping apart those of us who are in the most agony. Yep. I DO have these feelings inside of me…and yet, I’m a Christian. I’m not “supposed” to feel this way. It’s against the rules. And yet I do, and I doubt I’ll ever really be rid of these feelings until God FINALLY gets tired of watching me hurt and brings me Home and heals me. Until then, I’m just stuck hurting. God has me trapped here against my will and forced to stay for God knows how many more years. GREAT. *Eyeroll* So anyway, yes, I do thank you VERY MUCH for your post. I AM SICK TO DEATH OF STEPFORD CHRISTIANS, how fake and phony and arrogant they are! It’s a real relief to run into a Christian who’s HUMAN, who struggles with the same feelings I do. I don’t WANT to go against Jesus. I don’t WANT to hate people, but after all their cruelty, it’s just impossible NOT to have those feelings, and no verse of Scripture ordering me not to feel the way I feel is going to make those feelings disappear. Sorry God. If You don’t want me to have these feelings, you’re going to have to do way better than ordering me not to have them in some Bible verses. But, for real, that’s where I am right now. I know. It’s pretty bleak. But at the very least, it’s not some lying, Stepford Christian B.S. It’s the truth.

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  30. Our ONE True GOD’S LOVE 💕💜 is ETERNAL THROUGH HIS SON Christ Jesus-Yeshua for Today and Everyday Forevermore Everyone!!

    HE Jesus-Yeshua Christ Commands us to LOVE One another, the WAY HE LOVED 💕💜 EVERYONE FIRST!!

    I Love you all Everyone through Christ Jesus-Yeshua!!

    Love 💕 Always and Shalom ( Peace ), YSIC \o/

    Kristi Ann

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Yep…I don’t like a lot of people either. I’ve gotten to a point where my circle is very small and that’s because people will lie, cheat and steal then they turn around and say but I’m a Christian why would I do that? I just don’t trust people too much anymore. This makes me have quite a small pack and I tend to stay a lone wolf myself.

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  32. Hi, I googled “I’m a Christian but I don’t like people” and your text popped up so thank you! It was interesting to read the comments, too. I’m an introvert and love to be alone with my dog and with God. I used to be a bit more sociable. Then my ethics and values started to change so much that I just haven’t met people who would share important things with me. I haven’t met another Christian vegan. I don’t want to abuse animals and it hurts me tremendously that people do that. I also like ecological and simple living. I don’t care for small talk. I think my Christian ministry is praying and so I have become a hermit. I’m happy this way! It’s not like I would think I’m a better person than omnivores or any other people, not at all. It’s just that when I’m at church, I only hope I would learn something from the preacher or when I sometimes meet my friends, it’s quite ok for a couple of hours. I don’t hate people and I haven’t been badly hurt by many of them either. But if I talk with someone, I usually feel that I didn’t “get” anything of it and probably the other person didn’t either. Actually I prefer emailing now more than meeting face-to-face 🙂 I understand God calls some people to be praying hermits and I think I’m one of them. There is teaching that Christians don’t become hermits because they would hate people but quite on the contrary: they feel close to people when they pray for them. I feel a bit quilty at times because I can’t feel much love to people. I can’t change it, though. But I also know that it takes love to spend much time in prayer, so I try not to feel too bad about not having so positive “feelings” about folks. Thank you again for your text! I used to travel to Ireland for hill-walking and I quite like Irish people and practising my English 🙂

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  33. Hi There

    I haven’t read any of the other replies, because I hate people too. So maybe someone already said this, but you sound like you’ve got symptoms of mood disorder. Like totally get that checked. I’m a Christian and I despise people when I’m not doing so well with my depression.

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  34. I was in a tremendous amount of pain when I wrote my reply post to this blog, and I was very hurt to see that I was ignored by the owner of this blog and others. For future reference, if anybody wants to call themselves a Christian and they see someone in AGONY, Christ wouldn’t ignore them and treat them as though they don’t exist. Should be simple, basic logic, right? But apparently not for some reason…

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  35. You are by no means alone in your, (may I be so bold) misanthropy. I like and love people individually; my children are my raison d’ etre.
    I simply despise humanity in the aggregate. This is a problem for us Christians who think and feel this way. Prayer and submission to Christ are the only effective ways I’ve found to deal with it.

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  36. Good evening. I came across your article as I too googled, “I am a christian but I don’t like people.” I am writing perhaps out of therapy for myself, and also maybe to encourage someone else.

    By the end, a blog post birthed and I will title this, “It hurts to be real”

    It is a struggle, for sure. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. And sometimes I can’t stand myself either. I think back to a great series a Pastor from Canada brought to our church years ago on the book the Velveteen Rabbit. He talked about being real. He said the hardest thing for Christians is to be real, but like the book said, when you are real you can’t be ugly except to those that don’t understand. But when you are real, you will get hurt. Your whiskers will fall off and your fur will get worn out and you will be in very awkward moments.

    I have been hurt over and over and it’s hard not to pull back, and just isolate. I have my books and poetry to protect me- I am a rock, and an island never cries.

    This week we had a week long tent meeting at church. We get lots of prayer time and alter time and preaching. It is very spiritual and you feel very close to God. They have free breakfast from 8 – 915 and they have free lunch after the morning sessions. I rushed the one morning and got 5 kids out the door and we got there at 9:15 and change and they had a whole tin of bacon and sausage just out of reach. So I asked the Christian server for some late bacon.

    She refused. And spirit filled and full of preaching and God, I threw a fit and with clenched teeth said I got here as quick as I could, can i PLEASE have some bacon? And i had a strike of sorts and I could have sang the hymn I will not be moved.

    I got my bacon. And after eating it, I went back later and apologized. My wife later in the week went up the girl and mentioned the incident, half joking, and realizing I was in the wrong but also impressed I made an attempt to reconcile things. The girl told my wife point blank “What is wrong with him? I don’t like your husband at all.”

    Ouch. My wife’s health prevents her from going to church a lot. I am there all the time. When she comes, the ladies go up to her and ask what is wrong with me (I go to the altar a lot and cry. I am moody. I have some sort of spiritual bi polar or oppression going on.)

    I have a call to ministry but people can’t stand me so I feel that I am not allowed to answer it.

    I don’t know — but I think when you care, you absorb the hurts of everyone around you. I see lost and blind and cold people all around and see mission videos and kids around the world and kids with nothing and your kids you take to Disney Land and they whine because they can’t use your phone. It is hard. It is hard when you love people and they do the opposite of your advice, or you watch their kids for hours and buy their kids dinner and spend gas money and your wife has to pay them when you ask for a favor in return. It hurts when you give money to buildings and missions and others and you lose your job and people shun you because you must have sinned.

    I heard Christians won’t forgive you for 2 things — when you fail. And when you succeed.

    All that makes it easy to let your heart get hard and hurt.

    We have to keep coming to God. I had this thought — if you remember Men in Black the movie. When someone saw something, they had to go and erase everyone’s memory that encountered whatever they weren’t supposed to see. That is what we should do when we mess up — apologize to everyone our anger touched.

    I am an embarrassment to God too many times. I need to change. But in the mean time I need to once again say I am sorry.

    And run to God before I run into people .

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    1. People will always let you down. The trick is to do it anyway out of your love for God. I still haven’t mastered that trick. I hope your situation improves and you find true friends. Thank you for taking the time to add such a thought provoking comment.

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  37. I have a very difficult time with this as well. I’ve been betrayed a lot throughout my life, so I trust very few people. Add to that the fact that it seems like people are becoming more and more foolish, selfish, and crass and you have a person who doesn’t want to spend time or interact with virtually anyone. What used to be common courtesy seems to be a scarce commodity these days and I’d rather just keep to myself than deal with the jerks and get angry.

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