I have had a crazy week work wise which meant I wasn’t able to post yesterday. But fear not, I’m back and normal service is resumed. However I’m very tired so don’t be expecting a Dickensian masterpiece today. More low expectations than great. Sorry, that was a terrible play on words. Let’s just forget I ever mentioned it and move on to the next paragraph ok? Great.
Without going into the nature of my work I had to deal with a number of sudden deaths during the week. They were all equally unexpected, sudden and in tragic circumstances. One second these people were there and the next they were not. No opportunity for loved ones to say goodbye to them, no chance of righting wrongs or seeking forgiveness. They just ceased to exist. Snuffed out in an instance.
I am trained to deal with these incidents in a professional and empathetic manner, as are my colleagues. It is distressing but necessary work. We arrive and we do what we have to do as discreetly and sensitively as possible. It does leave its mark though. I saw sights this week that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. But I’m alright. My employers will offer me trauma counselling (which I won’t avail of) and I will go home to my family.
It is my job. I get paid a significant amount of money to do it. I move on to the next week and the next incident and the world keeps turning. Well my world does anyway. For those families and friends left behind it does not. It comes to a jolting, juddering stop. And for some it never starts again. The colour is drained out of their lives never to return. They don’t move on because moving on suggests forgetting and they never want to.
Why? Because the memories are all they have that’s why. So they cling to them like a drowning man would cling to a piece of floating wreckage. It is all that there is between them slipping away into the nothingness of grief and despair. Memories are fickle, flighty friends. The good ones can provide comfort and solace but the not so good ones can flutter endlessly around your mind like a belligerent bat.
Why didn’t I ask them for forgiveness? Why didn’t I forgive them? Why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I say yes? Why didn’t I stop them? Why didn’t I let them go? Why didn’t I say that? Why did I say that? The list could go on forever but I’m sure you get my drift. Why? Why? Why? Those unanswered questions that snag beneath our skin and gouge away at our flesh the more we twist and turn in an effort to dislodge them.
Think of the people you love most in the world. Think about when you last saw or spoke to them. Now imagine that you never saw or spoke to them again; and think about the regrets you would have, think about all those unanswered questions that would start to slowly settle on your mental landscape like ash from a volcano which for ages lay dormant but is now ready to erupt again with unrivalled fury.
Think of that and then seek them out. Now. Today. Tell them you love them. Tell them you’re sorry. Tell them they’re better at handstands than you. Tell them whatever has been sitting on your heart but needs to be spoken aloud. Because tomorrow it might be too late. And you will be left alone with only your memories to accompany you into the beyond.
Do you need to tell a loved one something today?
I would tell this person that “I am sorry”. Sorry for the heart ache and grief I have caused them.
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Good 🙂
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That’s why I always tell mom how much I love her
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I’m sure she really appreciates it 😊
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Yes
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Wow. I am extremely sorry about this unfortunate series of events. Your suggestion is something I do everyday, to everyone who is important/present in my life. I don’t/can’t let my feelings build up, ever, and at times it seems to place a larger burden on the person than if I had just kept it to myself. I love hard and openly. I compliment people I don’t know. I throw out witty remarks when I see someone is having a bad day–heck, I will even perform the only rap song I know just to let people laugh at my extent. This being said, I want to thank you and Fi for your amazing blog which has opened my heart to a deeper spiritual connection with myself and my maker. You two are an inspiration and love you both for it.
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Thank you Danielle. I’m really glad the blog is helping you. Together we can grow closer to our God ♥️🙏🏻🙂
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I hate to see what a bad post is, my friend. This is a much needed conversation and you did it. You will affect many people who will read this post and go home and tell someone how much they love them. Thank you. A great blog.
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I hope so. Thank you 😊
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Beautiful words. Thank you. 🙏
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Thank you 😊
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Are you familiar with the work of Dr. J. William Worden? If not, you can meet him here:
http://www.springerpub.com/w/social-work-counseling/a-video-interview-with-dr-j-william-worden-author-of-grief-counseling-and-grief-therapy-fourth-edition/
I learned a lot from Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, acquiring insights which I was also able to use in my first novel.
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No I haven’t heard of him. Thank you.
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The world is a better place because of people like you – thanks for reminding us of what’s really important…
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Thank you 😊
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It’s sad that we always or nearly n Ed tragic events to make us realize and say things but as they say better later then never😊an other nice post.
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Fortunately some of my “why” were taking care of in the last few months…it’s been good, even if it did not turn out well. It was a necessary release.
I love your ‘expectations’ by the way…made me giggle.
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Thank you. If I made you giggle then my work is done 😊
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A wonderfully written piece even though you feel it is not your best work. I can tell you being a follower from the beginning i can categorically say that you never write a bad piece. As for telling a loved one something……. yes i feel the need to tell my mum every day that i love and respect her and admire what a strong woman she is and that i am sorry for worrying her with regard to my ED! It floods my brain that i am letting her down, i desperately want to get well, yet somehow the voice still controls the restriction and the routine that i follow. I long for the day when i wake up and see what i am doing is so so wrong….
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That day will come. I’m praying that it is soon.
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Thank you Stephen. Very much appreciate being in your prayers
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I’m sorry that anyone (you or any of those who lost loved ones) had to suffer such loss. I will be keeping each one in prayer. That was very touching of you to share this to encourage others to think on their relationships with their loved ones.
Btw… it seems incredibly awkward to tell of a nomination on this particular post, but every time I try to load your page tonight it keeps hanging up. (Hope it’s just me). I nominated you for the TMI Tag that our Lovely Anita of Discovering Your Happiness created and tagged me in. Please don’t feel obligated to participate, but if you do, please do in your timing. I just wanted to share in a little light hearted fun. Me and God love you!
Here is the link to your nomination below.
https://gaillovesgod.blog/2018/04/20/the-would-you-rather-tag-4-19-19/
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Thank you Gail for the feedback and the nomination. We are honoured 😊
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You and your family are certainly a blessing.
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How timely, my beautiful step daughter just lost her mother to cancer and we are making the two day drive to be with family and friends at this difficult time. Tell them…
Great post.
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I am very sorry for your loss and will be praying for you all at this difficult time 🙏🏻
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My dad feels similarly about his job as a firefighter. He sees a lot of terrible things and has to just be used to it.
I will tell them ❤
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Oh he is much braver than I am.
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Hope it’s OK I reposted your post on my blog. It really resonated with me.
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Of course it’s ok. Thank you very much 😊
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