As I write this you are living the last days of your life and I am grieving for a father and a life that I never had and this makes me sad.
Growing up was hard. When I look back on my childhood I do not have any happy memories that involve you and this makes me sad.
You put everybody else before us, you loved the Smirnoff bottle more than you loved your wife and children and this makes me sad.
On Fakebook you are the nicest man that God put breath in. Your sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews declare their love to you and you return it to them. I can’t ever remember you telling me you loved me and this makes me sad.
Money was your god and the grass looked greener on the other side. Your money didn’t stop you from getting cancer. Your money didn’t stop it from spreading. Your money can’t buy you your health or any more time. So was the grass greener on the other side?
As I write this you are dying and I am grieving. Grieving a life that you never gave me, grieving for the love that a daughter should have unconditionally from her daddy. Grieving the family holidays that I never shared with you. Grieving the family events that didn’t end up with you fighting with mummy. And this all makes me sad.
I have often thought of when this time would come what good advice could I say I got from my daddy and this always made me sad. But not today. Today I thank you for showing me how to give my children the life that I’ve grieved. I thank you that today I can put my arms around my children and hug them and tell them I love them. They may squirm and shout at me and try to wriggle out of my embrace but they will grow up with that memory and know that they were loved.
I thank you that I have learned from your mistakes how history will never repeat itself in my home and my children will never grow up feeling how I feel.
You are my daddy, you are dying and I love you. As I write this I am sad not because you are dying but because somebody that I love is dying and I’ve got no tears to cry for you anymore.
If I could give you one piece of advice it would be this – you should have watered your own grass.