I am sic
Nervous tic
Binge and purge
This endless urge.
Odd
Erroneous
Out of place
Unworthy of the human race.
Worthy of comment
Worthless, I vomit
Bird in a cage
From the rope I will plummet.
Dead to his Word
Alive to their world
Baptised in blood
Yet drowned in the flood.
No peace here, just pieces
Faceless diseases
Endless attacks
This war never ceases
For I am sick
And I am sic
Liar, fool,
And lunatic.
I don’t write much poetry but I woke with the phrase ‘I am sic’ in my head this morning. Sic, as in the adverb placed after a quoted word to highlight that it is grammatically incorrect but is quoted in its original format. The poem hopes to describe how I felt in my lowest OCD days. It does not represent how I feel today, but I hope it may speak out to others and offer assurance that recovery is possible.
I regard this as one of the most important posts I have published in some time. It felt as if the words were placed within, as opposed to created by, me. They are from me, and not of me. So, I don’t ask this often but if the poem resonates with you could you reblog and share this message within your own community. That would mean a lot to me. For we are all a little bit sic and in need of correction.
‘I Am Sic’ was partially inspired by the song ‘I’m So Sick’ by Flyleaf. Its vocalist and writer, Lacey Sturm, is featured in today’s accompanying image.
Black Thoughts 
I’m glad that you’re in recovery. It’s such hard work to get to where you are from where you were.
I’m struggling so much with my eating disorder right now. Thankyou for sharing.
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Thank you. I hope you get to where you need to be.
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Many thanks.
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This poem beautifully shows what you wanted it too. It is always exciting when we have a line or words that linger in our thoughts. Some of the best poems have been written this way!
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Thank you 😊
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Poetry is incredibly powerful. Thanks.
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Thank you 😊
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‘I am sic’ is a brilliant phrase for internal turmoil. Well done.
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Thank you ma’am 😊
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Well said. Having OCD myself, this resonates. Think this might be helpful for explaining OCD to people who are less familiar with the challenges it presents.
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You’re welcome. Thank you Abby. Keep fighting it.
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Reblogged this on famine to feast and commented:
is it odd to say you love something when the subject matter is dark? no matter, i do, mostly because it speaks to me. it reminds me of the mental rage that occurs when my bulimia is at its most active. it reminds me of the racing thoughts and the rage that swirls about inside. mental illnesses are hard but sharing the struggles is a beautiful thing.
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I know too well what that feels like. I was, to borrow the movie title, “Twelve Years a Slave” – a slave to bulimia. I didn’t think I could ever be free from it. But when I stopped being “dead to his Word” and started applying that truth to myself, not just to the kids I was ministering to, I began to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I started purposefully believing what GOD said about me, not what my feelings were telling me. Over a period of some months of acting in SPITE of my emotions, the feelings of worthlessness gradually lost their stranglehold on my mind. I’ve had a few setbacks since then, but if I stand on what the Bible says about grace, instead of my self-condemnation, God helps me back to my feet, and together we go on.
PS The Word of God – the “belt of truth” – is like a mountain climber’s belt, connecting me to the One at the top. I may slip, but I don’t slide all the way to the bottom. I may stumble, but I don’t go crashing to my death. I’m not perfect, but I AM free.
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“worthless i vomit”. perfect line. everything goes dark when the eating disorder is in the ascendancy. bulimia shares many features with ocd behaviours. thanks for writing it down and sharing.
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You’re welcome. Thank you. Never give up.
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Reblogged this on Russellings of the Spirit and commented:
If this speaks to you, I hope you find hope in these words.
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Great work and a great reference. Poetry is cathartic isn’t it? Love flyleaf
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I’m obsessed with all things Lacey Sturm 😊
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They aren’t really mainstream but my husband always finds good music. My little one is very Musical and it’s always cool to show them girls that rock.
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I felt that so deep. ❤️
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Thank you. I’m glad it spoke to you.
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I’m so g;ad this is not how you are today. The poem has much anguish.
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I’m much better thanks.
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Wow. Love and hate it all at once. You understand.
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Of course I do 🙂
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Glad you are not in that dark place anymore, Stephen. But I’m also glad you posted this. It helps me understand your struggle and how far you have come.
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Your words resonate with me strongly, as I am sure they do to others as well. Glad to hear this isn’t representative of your current place but I know how it is to be there. Please know you are not alone in the darkness.
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Thank you very much. That’s reassuring to hear.
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Works with a beat.
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Brilliant!
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