And So It Begins….

The grind, that is. Back on the 07:53 express train to Belfast. The platform bathed in a sickly glow, casting up the faces of my fellow commuters to me for scrutiny. The same faces as before, some new clothes and accessories, but the same faces. Wearing the same expressions. Mostly frowns, mostly down. The occasional smile, but they are few and far between. I stare at my reflection in the cracked carriage glass. I fit in effortlessly.

I wonder how many New Year Resolutions have been broken already, now we are almost 40 hours into 2019. Or, are they clinging on for dear life as the train rattles through the darkness towards the city lights? Clinging on to hopes and dreams that seemed so attainable, but two nights ago. But now, they squirm and slither through steepled fingers, for another year.

I stand my ground amongst the frowns. Wrapped in layers of woollen hope. Slick with sick but still I see the magic. I see it, eyes wide open. I pray my resolve does not dissolve, does not corrode a hole within my soul. A soul I’ve fought so hard to fill, with iron will. We go again I spoke, I wrote. I’ll practice what I preach this year. They drive me on. The doubters, mockers. I know them well.

The grind is hell to those who dwell within a world of broken dreams. I am the glue, for you, the means and the ends. I am your friend. If you will allow me. Rise up, for we know not where we are going until we take that first faltering step. Watch barriers melt and hurdle fears, go through the gears. To find the grind is but a temporal state. Berate this date. For you and I are more.

How are coping with your grind today?

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

50 thoughts on “And So It Begins….

  1. Back to work post holidays is a moment many feel with dread. Without wanting to wish our lives away we long for the journey home and the weekends that follow. It’s a tough one x


  2. I am still optimistic about the potential of this new year. Not one for resolutions, but embracing the changes that lie ahead with a sense of hope for better. Not perfect, but better. In my thoughts and in my actions little improvements can make a big difference. Consistency and not falling into complacency are the areas where I struggle. They start small and almost unnoticed, but can derail my efforts and impede my momentum. Today I choose to press on toward what lies ahead.


  3. As a surgeon/physician, I interact with my fellow humans and work to solve their problems. For me, these fleeting interactions are far from a grind but honoured privileges given to me by God. With all of the social devices/media around, humans seem to be more isolated than ever. As I fanny about my surgery and university corridors, always on the move, I watch others who seem to be mechanical. I try to steal a bit of connection with a smile and greeting as I never know if my words of positive energy will spur them to connect more with those around them. Old grey-haired surgeons can get away with this theft.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Maintaining an even strain on this first work day of 2019. It snowed and got cold here in Colorado. Not destined to last though. we’re supposed to be back in the 50s by the end of the week.


  5. Being retired I don’t have a commute grind. I managed to sleep 11 hours. I only awoke because one of my reminder alarms was on. I’m always tired, but right now not weary. I hope soon you get help from your doc!!


  6. It’s a shame a lot of us live to work because that’s the way the government has set the cement. Unfortunately most of us have bills, mortgages and food to put on the table, so alas, we are nothing more than slaves to the system, the system that was suppose to help us grow not hinder us.

    I hope wherever you are in the world life is treating you well.


  7. I love your use of words and this line especially: “Clinging on to hopes and dreams that seemed so attainable, but two nights ago. But now, they squirm and slither through steepled fingers, for another year.” So poetic!

    It was with great effort that I made it through this day. I imagine I was very much like the commuters you describe here, though I hope my hope and dreams do not squirm through my steepled fingers, though, honestly, my hands were clenched and white knuckled this morning as I drove the highway – I had left just a few minutes later than usual and the traffic was heavier. It was with great relief that I parked the car at my place of employment. Afterwards I did my best to keep a cheerful outlook as I made it through the daily grind of another day. I tried to give thanks that I have employment when many do not. I tried to count my blessings, but I have to say it was a brutal day – it always is after the holidays with a back load of work to be caught up on.

    Still, I am grateful to have my health and the strength to slog on through the days. There were bright moments – I smiled at times at the antics of our smallest patrons who are always excited to come to the library – it really is a wonderland of books and so much more.

    What gets me through the daily grind is hoping that my service is of value to someone – and often I am gratified by friendly smiles and appreciation freely expressed for my efforts. By the end of the day my feet and legs hurt and I was grateful to go home, but I hope I made a difference in somebody’s day. I hope more patrons left with a smile than with a grimace. Life is good – even if it is a bit of a grind.


  8. Stephen, hold on to the dream. The dream of being a full time writer and never having to commute again. Picture it in your mind, dream of it, and continue working towards it. You’re so nearly there. One day you will look back on this period of your life with a smile. A smile that remembers that this is when your life really began. Katie


      1. Erm … you do realise that my writing is not exactly in your league don’t you … and no I am not fishing for any compliments, it’s simply the fact. But thank you … You know you’ll be sent it the minute it’s ready.


  9. I really enjoyed this. You write well and you are so descriptive. I could relate to both the frown and hope, but I cling to your optimism as well. May you have a beautiful and blessed 2019 beyond belief. May God keep leading your writing, because you are TRULY wonderful.


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