I’m Having A Bad Hair Month

I’m overdue a haircut. This, I might add, is not a deliberate act on my part, for those of you thinking I have opted to grow my locks in an effort to imitate a bohemian writer. No, I’ve just been too disorganised and lazy to walk the five minutes from my office to the barber shop I usually grace with my patronage. Plus, there’s my illogical fear of stilted, awkward conversations with barbers which I have written about in the past.

My hair is therefore at that annoying ‘just too long’ phase. I find myself absentmindedly playing with my fringe as it threatens to submerge my eyebrows, edging evermore towards them. I have now taken to maintaining a ridiculous side parting in a futile attempt to tame a barnet which is threatening to rebel against all known forms of acceptable follicular etiquette. I look ridiculous.

The back is faring no better. My hair is starting to curl as it brushes my neck, reminding me of the disastrous ‘grunge years’ when I thought I was Kurt Cobain and tried to grow my hair accordingly. The few photographs that remain from that dubious period of my life show me scrunching my shoulders in a vain effort to make my hair look longer than it actually was. In a checked shirt, Metallica t shirt and DM boots. Not my best look.

Then there’s my sideburns. When closely cropped and well maintained, I keep a pair as a desperate throwback to my trendier youth. Quite frankly, I’d feel naked without them. But now, I resemble an extra from a Dickens movie. I’m Stephen Whizzlemarch or something like that. All I’m missing is the top hat and surly demeanour towards orphaned children. If I extend them with my fingers I may take flight such is their length.

My morning routine now involves a losing battle with my hair, as I battle to mould it into some presentable shape which won’t scare babies and pensioners. It’s worse on the colder days when I wear a hat to work. I stride into the office and remove it, to be greeted with hoots of derision from my co-workers. I look like a deranged clown and may as well have been atop a miniature tricycle, juggling oranges.

The horror continues, now that I have resumed running again. It’s a sweaty, hot mess. I’m amazed I didn’t cause a crash yesterday as I lumbered through the village, looking like Christopher Lloyd in his Back to the Future days. Thankfully the police did not receive any calls regarding a wacky scientist running amok donned in high visibility running gear. The shame, I fear, would have been too much for me.

So, I need a hair cut. I dream of sitting in the barbers chair and telling him to get rid of it, all of it. A number four all over, the joy of watching my troublesome lockstumbling to the shop floor. It would be a huge weight off my mind. Literally. And well worth enduring ten excruciating minutes of small talk about the weather, local politics or what sort of a season Paul Pogba is having.

I shouldn’t complain. I’m a 48 year old man and have a full head of hair. As well as most of my own teeth. It’s starting to take on that ‘salt and pepper’ look that Mrs Black loves so much. I like to think I’ll turn into a silver fox a la Clooney, looking all mean and moody on the sleeve of my debut best seller. Only time will tell. But I’m the meantime, I need to get to the barber shop. And pronto.

What’s been your worst hairstyle down the years?

Have you destroyed all photographic evidence of it?

74 thoughts on “I’m Having A Bad Hair Month

Add yours

  1. The eighties perm, remember those tight screwdriver type curls that were like this semi permanent mop of something out of little orphan Annie’s books. My Mum thought she was helping when my teenage hair was a bit oily. I know she meant well but I had my hair like that for almost a year, it stuck around for a long time. Photos? Well they are packed away at the moment but at least it wasn’t an Afro 🙄

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Lol I know the feeling. Many has been the time when I have longed to go to the hajrdressers and tell them to do me a number 4 or even shave it all off. I was totally bald when going through chemo, and I LOVED it. No trouble with HAIR! I made a resolve then, that I would always be bakd, shave it all off. But convention took over. I grew it. I have never had my hair as long as it is now, because I cannot STAND hajrdressers. They never do what you want them to. They nick your ears. They shave where you don’t want them to shave. They get your sudeburns eitber too long or too short. And OH, that small talk. I want to tell them to quit talking and just get on with it! So now, I have ling hair. I put it back into a kind of pony tail cum bun thing, and hey oresto, all neat and tidy. You COULD start spirting a pony tail Stephen. It’s the easiest way. Trust me!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m such a penny-pinching tightwad that I wait as long as possible between cuts. I get to the place where I can stand it no longer before a trip to the barber. I do appreciate those who keep a consistently clean appearance. I also appreciate a good boxing match but you don’t see me climbing in the ring to give it a try. It’s only hair.

    Like

  4. I have it made. My wife cuts my hair and always reminds me when it is needed, My worst haircut? I remember once I decided to go curly, so I had a perm done. Curly is not the word! It looked like a real afro haircut. Tight curls you could not even comb through. I enjoyed it for a little while and slowly it worked it’s way out. My customers (I am a travelling salesman) liked the different look, but they too were glad I returned to normal.

    This all came back to me when my hair started growing again during my chemo treatments. It came back in curly! Not quite the tight curls of my afro days, but curly nonetheless. Everyone loved it, but they all said it was typical and would prob ably straighten out in a month or two. They w ere right. My hair now is thinner than it was before chemo, but straighter than straight.

    What a fun post. I surely hope to get back to reading more. haven;t done much reading on the reader lately and I miss your wonderful writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve has too many children and lost too much blood. My hair will never be what it was. I think bald is the way to go. I tried it once and liked. The sad thing was that my little girls thought mom did it so why not us try it. They hacked at their hair and made an almost unfixable mess.

    Like

  6. Ha, here I am in the pre-dawn darkness reading blogs quietly until…”Stephen Whizzlemarch. ” Burst of laughter ensues! 😂 As others have mentioned, I also had a poodle perm. Another reason junior high was a horrible time of life.

    Like

  7. You need to go to my hairdressers. There’s no chat, just soothing music, head massages, endless cups of tea, coffee or healthier options which obviously I never ask for, piles of trashy magazines and massaging/vibrating chairs which make my back all tickly. All very lovely but given the price, I’d rather go to your barber and then go out to dinner. We girls get so ripped off!

    Like

  8. I used to have dreadlocks but they were really bad for my scalp. I love having long hair. I began going grey when I was 18. My hair was dark brown but my bangs are totally grey now, though it does look like I’ve coloured them grey. I went to a hair stylist about getting my hair dyed and she said people were paying a lot of money to get their hair looking like mine…

    Like

  9. After chemotherapy for cancer in 2003 I have little hair. The doctor said my hair would come back thicker and was very surprised when it did not. Only in the past couple of years have they come out with the report that one of the drugs I took created permanent hair loss. No problem. I wear a wig. It looks natural and everyone is surprised when they find out it is not my natural hair. So – I have no bad hair days. So as I wrote in my recent blog about complaining I can complain I have little hair – or I can rejoice no bad hair days for me. And think of the time and money I save not going to beauty shops. But maybe you should take some time to get that haircut.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I have the opposite problem. I had grown my hair out to ponytail length after several years of keeping in short for the whole corporate thing. Somewhere in my mind I imagined that our non-profit donors would appreciate someone more “businesslike” so I went to have it cut off again. After several “Are you sures” from the stylist, locks began to fall on the floor. I regretted my decision when I heard the first scissor cut. Suffice it to say that I’m now in that shaggy stage where little can be done to look professional. About three more months…

    Like

  11. I don’t like to get haircuts during the winter, so because my last “do” was done at the beginning of last September (which was a bit too early to be the last haircut for the year), I now look like Phyllis Diller at her spikiest. I always wear a hat, to hide the hideousness. BTW, I also have a “chemo story” to tell: after the lovely post-chemo curls began to lengthen and straighten out, I decided to permanently adopt the not-quite-bald style of 3/4 inch all over (just enough to prevent a sunburned scalp, should I venture out into the midsummer sunshine). I’m fortunate that I have a decently shaped head, and my hair is grey, so keeping it that short is like wearing a shiny silver helmet, and that’s a look I love. I’m waiting impatiently for spring temperatures, so I don’t catch my death of cold getting my noggin sheared.

    Like

      1. Phyllis Diller was an American comedian and actress. Her comedy trademarks were wild hair, a long cigarette holder, and a braying laugh. Google her, click on “images” and you’ll see why I’m hiding under a hat until my next haircut.

        Like

  12. I’m at work (my non-editing work!) and needed a coffee break and something to pep me up. Reading this blog was great, you know just the right way to express yourself! Thanks for the pick-me-up 🙂

    Like

  13. Once a year. Twice a year if I’m going somewhere windy on vacation. The advantage of slightly longer hair is it’s you can kind of hide the fact that it’s slightly slightly longer than before.

    Like

  14. Your sense of humour is absolutely awesome – I love it so much. I really needed a good laugh today and this was it! Thank you! and I doubt very highly you could scare anyone no matter the hair style, or lack thereof! Have a great hair cut and a great week.

    Like

  15. Stephen,

    This is absolutely hilarious!! Such amusing self deprecation is delightful!! I have to share and hope you don’t mind. I laughed all the way through!😊

    Like

  16. ROFL ha ha!! My hair is long three inch!!

    ( Psalms 33:12 KJV ) “Blessed is the Nation whose GOD is the LORD; and the People whom HE hath Chosen for HIS Own Inheritance.”!!

    Our ONE True GOD’S LOVE 💕💜 is ETERNAL THROUGH HIS SON Christ-MESSIAH Jesus-Yeshua for Today and Everyday Forevermore Everyone!!

    I Love you all Everyone through Jesus-Yeshua Christ, because HE LOVED EVERYONE FIRST!! 💕 Praise Jesus ( Yeshua ) Christ for Today and Everyday!!

    Love 💕 Always and Shalom ( Peace ), YSIC \o/

    Kristi Ann

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply to carol hopkins Cancel reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: