Step Away From The Ice Cream

It is finished….

Yesterday afternoon I consumed the last of the gallon tub of honeycomb ice cream which has taken up residence in our garage freezer. Taunting me, tempting me, luring me onto the rocks of overindulgence like the most seductive of sirens. I have battled the urges, wrestled with the need, but finally succumbed to its delicious, sugary, ice cold charms. I write this a broken, but satiated, man.

The Omagh Half Marathon is now less than three weeks away so I have slapped a self imposed ice cream ban on myself. The Black household has gone into training lockdown, meaning Maud’s Pooh Bear is now a banned substance. Random freezer inspections will be taking place to ensure this ruling is adhered to; any infractions will be frowned upon and dealt with sternly. I have been warned….by myself.

My addictive nature of course snorts in derision at these feeble attempts to lay down the law. He’ll crack, it tuts knowingly. Pay day is less than a week away and he always likes to treat himself at the end of the month. A new book for the Kindle? Stylish running attire? His own body weight in honeycomb ice cream? Yes, it’s only a matter of time, you wait and see. He’ll fold like a deck of cards, just like he always does.

Well, maybe so. And, as I write this, I already feel anxious at the thought of life without ice cream. I’m entering (ice) cold turkey and don’t fancy my chances. But if I’m to have any hope of running 13.1 miles at Omagh without stopping, then Winnie has to go. No more sitting on the sofa, digging into its sugary goodness with my trusty spoon. Nay, nay and thrice nay. I say.

I still have my beloved Diet Coke. To deprive myself of it would be a bridge too far and I fear my body would enter some form of anaphylactic shock. My central nervous system would shut down and I’d take to my bed, turning my back on society like a 21st Century Miss Haversham. Without the creepy wedding dress, of course. Creepy wedding dresses are not my best look.

The running has been going quite well. I’ve been steadily upping the mileage and, while my times haven’t been spectacular, they’ve been respectable enough. But there’s little point slogging ten miles in the wind and rain, to undo all your good work in a feeding frenzy last witnessed when Roy Schneider hollered ‘Get out of the water’ in ‘Jaws’ all those years. I’m no Great White and I don’t want to turn into a Great Black either.

Fionnuala and I are going to take a potential new car for a test drive this morning. Afterwards I’ll head out on a training run, weather permitting. Both of which should distract me from all things ice cream. Crisps, biscuits and chocolate are also to be consumed in moderation from this date onwards as I work towards a lean, mean running machine turning up on the start line at Omagh.

I expect the blogging community to fully support me in this venture. If you detect even the slightest whiff of backsliding on my part, then I fully endorse a ‘naming and shaming’ WordPress intervention on your part. This is no time for pandering to my doe eyed, whimpering, needy self. Tough love is required and I know you’ve got my back on this one. I thank you all.

Are you willing to drop everything and intervene?

Have you ever wrestled a fully grown man to the floor over a tub of ice cream?

What are you willing to give up to support me in the coming weeks?

32 thoughts on “Step Away From The Ice Cream

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  1. I cannot answer your questions Stephen, except to say that I always wanted a feezer in the garage but hunby won’t let me have one! Not that I can get into the garage anyway. But if I could, and we had one, there might be a secret stock of all sorts in there (not of the licirice kind!). We will watch you like a hawk Stephen (question to self: What does a hawk watch like, and can I ever measure up to a hawk?). I enjoyed this post Stephen. Good luck with all of that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Now that you have gone public – the world is watching… (remember that).
    It’s only 3 weeks Stephen, you can do it! Think of the pleasure you’ll get afterwards – a half marathon completed and a whole (n.b. full, if those pesky kids don’t get their hands on it*) tub of the golden stuff to celebrate with afterwards… Heaven! Think of it as your gold medal. 🙂
    *Just to be on the safe side, I recommend you put a lock and key on the freezer and give the key to Fionnuala, who we know will play the role of The Enforcer perfectly. 🙂

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  3. Honeycomb ice cream sounds AWESOME. I have never heard of it. I am going to look for a recipe on the internet.

    As for Diet Coke, that stuff will kill you. ANYTHING WITH FAKE SWEETENERS! But of course, I get migraines & I can’t do anything fake. But read the label & look up what some of those ingredients will do to a body. It ain’t pretty.

    Stay away from fakeness. Fake sweeteners, fake ingredients, fake people.

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  4. I know I could take you, but the flight over there would give you enough time to eat a few gallons and hide all the evidence. You’d better ask a closer neighbor. 😀

    Going off the Diet Coke would cause withdrawals. I had a friend in high school who tried cold turkey and shook for two days -till he caved. He should have weaned himself off more slowly.

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  5. Random side note – I found the container fascinating! The ice cream comes in much different packaging here in Canada (I can always be counted on to be distracted by minutiae).

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  6. What if I do a composite of Stephen Black with an additional 50 pounds on him? You could attach it on your freezer. I am fighting the ‘spare tire syndrome’ and have begun what the diet experts have advised for years, but stubborn me always said, “Unnecessary.” I am keeping a calorie tracker. Amazing how much those power bars and cups of yogurt add to the count….can’t even consider ice cream or Twinkies.

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  7. I have a tub of vanilla ice cream in the freezer that we didn’t eat when we had guests here a couple weeks ago. I promise not to get into it until after your half marathon. Be the lean mean machine you want to be!

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  8. I’ve never heard of Mauds, so I had a wee look on the web. Wow!! They certainly love their chocolate flavours. Man, I have to admit that if they being sold over here I would find it difficult to refrain from the odd shovel, or three.

    However, all the best in your endeavours. I shall be with you – in spirit, if not always in action. I do promise that if I do succumb to temptation I will feel suitably guilty with every soft, melting, gooey mouthful . . .

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  9. Oh, you have made me laugh out loud with this one. The struggle is real. I can attest to it. You should keep us posted every day about what nourishment you put into your body. That way we can admonish you if you falter. HAHAHA

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