Why I Won’t Be Lying For Another 364 Days

Yesterday was the busiest ever day in the two year history of the blog. Our April Fool’s Day post received 227 views and, in total, we broke the 500 view barrier for the first time. We also broke the 9500 follower mark and are heading towards the big 10K, a figure we never dreamed of attaining all those months ago. The old Stephen would have been ecstatic with these numbers.

That’s because the old Stephen loved nothing more than attention and plaudits. He was so insecure and full of self loathing that he fed off such infamy like a blood sucking leech. This morning, though, I look at these figures and, while inwardly pleased, I now recognise they mean nothing. 10,000 followers doesn’t make me a better person or anything special. In the greater scheme of things, they mean nothing.

Especially given yesterday’s record breaking totals were based upon a lie. An innocent, playful lie, but a lie nonetheless. This resonates deeply with me, as my previous incarnations on social media were equally disingenuous. I created a fake persona, the life and soul of the party, Mr. Nice Guy. The more popular I became online, the more detached from reality and miserable the real me became.

10,000 followers won’t guarantee me a publishing deal, nor will it make me a faster runner. It won’t dazzle my bosses and it cuts little sway with Fionnuala and the kids. Blogging is good for me mentally as it allows me to express myself and get a lot of issues off my chest. Issues that I kept bottled up before, festering and rotting inside me like me a rancid carcass.

It’s what I do away from blogging that truly matters. I used to lie a lot. They rolled off my lips effortlessly, I didn’t even think about them as I dug myself into a deeper and deeper hole. It got to the point where I started to believe them myself, or at least could justify them to the extent that I couldn’t or wouldn’t stop. I was aboard a runaway train, hurtling down the rickety track towards my doom.

It all ended in tears of course. Lies cannot lead to happiness. They only paper over ever increasing cracks while you flounder in ever decreasing circles. So, while yesterday’s fibbing was harmless fun, I have no intention of turning it into a regular pastime. This blog is founded on the truth, warts and all, so if you want a sugar coated version of my life, then I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.

Which means more rejection e-mails and below average runs. More tales of the domestic chaos that is the Black household. We get sick, we get on each other’s nerves, we bicker and scream at each other. But we always make up, and the deep love we have for one another never changes. It’s who we are, it’s what we are, we know nothing else. It’s the truth. Lying can wait. Until 1st April next year.

Have you ever struggled with the truth?

How real are you online?

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 15 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

32 thoughts on “Why I Won’t Be Lying For Another 364 Days

  1. I see you found your mojo – was it under one of Fionnuala’s cushions? 😉 I wouldn’t beat yourself up about a harmless little joke, which everyone enjoyed (even those who were caught out it seems), though I understand the sentiment within this post. I would be more concerned about why ‘only’ 500 of your 9,500 followers viewed the post. I wonder if that’s because most people look at posts in their Readers rather than receive an email. It would be rude not to read an email and all I can say is the other 9,000 missed a gem. 😂 Good luck in the Omagh Half btw.

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  2. The detached anonymity of the web does seem to encourage a shiny facade. I do enjoy your perspective, your writing and the sharing of your journey. Keep on truthing. Pretty sure that’s not a word but it’s the thought that counts.

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  3. Thank you 😊 I have battled many of the same things as I write. Striving to be honest with who I am and where I am, while being hopeful at the same time. Keep writing and working it out. He is faithful! 2 Timothy 2:13 💙

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  4. Beautifully shared. Thank you. Your site is inspiring no matter who is writing. But, I’m happy to see you writing again. So many of us are wishing you well with your book. It’s rather like you’re already successful, with your family and with us. Still I hope the acceptance letter is delivered soon. Take care 😊

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  5. My online presence? WYSIWYG, although I do compartmentalize my various blogs, according to their purpose. My flagship blog is devoted to my published books and general literary-life stuff, while health issues and research for my work-in-progress both have their own blog sites. In all, I have a dozen blog domains set up, in various stages of development, with very little overlap between them.

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  6. I believe one of the reasons your blog is one I read everyday is because it is real life, warts and all!! I think I said before that when I started this blog I was going to use a fictions name thinking it would help me to be very open about how I really felt. But it didn’t feel right. So my name really is Ruth. It only took less than a week that realized I wanted and needed to be me, especially when commenting. Thank you for being real!

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  7. Why don’t we call it a prank rather than a lie? Pranking is what April Fool’s Day is all about and you were celebrating appropriately. It is your demonstrated track record of truthfulness that caused people to react so passionately to the news about WordPress’s outrageous censorship of your blog. And regardless of what you say, I am going to congratulate you on 9500 followers.

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  8. There’s no point lying online. Someone will know and it’s s***’s law they’ll read the post. (I guess Fear of Being Found Out must be stronger than Fear of Rejection.)
    I may not share everything, but what I do share is true.

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  9. I try to be as real as possible, within reason. I do share my heart and thoughts, but not when they’re raw and possibly painful to either myself or others. I let them simmer a bit until they’re ready to be shared and then, I try to put words to them. Sometimes it works. I don’t like lying so I don’t do it. I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that lying is an okay thing to do – so I try to be the best example possible. Sometimes it works 🙂

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  10. For some reason the anonymity of being a tiny voice online helps me to be more honest about who I really am. Thanks for being real and good luck with sticking to you mantra 👍

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  11. So I didn’t fall for yesterday’s trick but I wanted to comment on one from a couple days ago ahead you cancelled your marathon. I too canceled my ultra. I was sick with some sort of virus for three weeks. I ran a fever off and on and spent way too much time in bed which is not like me. After I recovered I researched and decided next year I’m risking it and doing the Great Wall of China marathon. With o we 5k steps I’ll take a year of training. So find the next race and start over like me. I love your blog even if I were the only reader.

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  12. I’ve been offline for a bit, but had to bounce by tonight. Feeling a bit down in the dumps and knew your blog would put a smile on my face. Sometimes the best medicine for what ails you is simply being reminded that love, happiness, and humor still exists. Thank you!

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  13. I have to now look at your other blog. For me I get crazy with Facebook. It makes me feel jealous and sad and like I don’t ever do enough. And then I think, “Andrea, you are a terrible person. Why do you care?” But I do. And if I’m real on Facebook, I feel people don’t get me. If I’m just showing happy pics, it seems disingenous. To me, blogging is a way to cut through ego and just be me. And yes, it’s important to have numbers if you want a big publisher. That’s reality. But as long as at the onset I’m doing it for the right reasons, the rest will follow. And OMG, you won’t believe it. I have 128 followers. I’m on my way! :()

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  14. I struggle with the idea that the truth might offend someone and sometimes that stops me from posting or saying what I would like to say.

    I have Facebook and Instagram, but I go MIA all the time. I pop in occasionally so people know I still exist.

    I did visit your Instagram page the other day and I shared one of your post to my Instagram story. You have a very colorful and pleasant Instagram page.

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  15. Numbers can do little most of the time, but as you shared GREAT reminders! Absolutely, it is about what we are doing in our lives. I think intentions of our heart regarding blogging, why we blog, and how we want to reach our audience are good things to keep in mind, it humbles me a lot. Thanks for reminding me of this truth!

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