Bomb Girl – Chapter 1 my.w.tt/6Jm2ZNNkHV Chapter One of ‘Bomb Girl’ is up. All feedback and comments welcome. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:Like Loading... Related 25 thoughts on “Bomb Girl – Chapter 1” Add yours Loved this first chapter!!! Captivating!! Can’t wait for the next installment! LikeLiked by 2 people Reply I totally agree with Kristen. You know how to draw the reader in. I want more. LikeLike Reply Thank you very much. Don’t worry, there’s lots more to come 😊 LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Thank you very much Kristen. That’s great to hear. I hope to post a new chapter every week 🙂 LikeLike Reply It certainly helps when you are the native speaker. The chapter has a great sense of dark tone written all over it. It sort of falls under the heavy time and weather that’s being usual in the UK. I presume it’s the UK because of the names, I haven’t really seen any other tell sign that’s in any other place. The story of Annie is really sad, but I hope it will brighten up within the next chapter. I also assume she is the main character in this story, so if she suffers a mortal event, the story won’t be very long, wouldn’t it? So far, I love the words and vocabulary. It paints a graphic scene and tells barely enough about the personality of the characters. I wish you a lot of luck and success with this project Commander Stephen. I am glad I am in the company of versatile people with creative imagination. Happy writing Commander. I salute your efforts. LikeLike Reply Thank you very much. That’s great encouragement coming from someone like you 👍🏻 LikeLiked by 1 person Reply Very intriguing! I like it! LikeLike Reply Thank you very much Mr. Callahan. LikeLiked by 1 person Reply For some reason, the link isn’t working for me….do I need to create an account on the site you used? LikeLike Reply The link should work. I tested it and other people have been able to access it. The alternative is to download the app & create an account. LikeLiked by 1 person Reply I’m going to try the link from my desktop first (sometimes my tablet is fussy about things)…I’ll keep you posted. LikeLike Reply Ohhhh I do you find it 🤞🏻 LikeLike Reply I don’t have watt pad so I couldn’t comment there, but I really enjoyed it Stephen. Prose is rich and interesting and emotionally investing. Great work. LikeLike Reply Thank you Amy. That’s brilliant feedback coming from someone like you 😊 LikeLiked by 1 person Reply I feel you are too kind. But I appreciate that. You’re a real talent. LikeLiked by 1 person Reply I like how the story begins. I think the first chapter is good overall with a beginning that is action-packed and pulls you in. I wonder if perhaps, though, you rely a bit too much on some cliche’s to convey what you want to say and would check for that and maybe more concrete descriptors. For example, “pure as the driven snow” feels a bit like a cliche. Saying the father would have been “disappointed, hurt, even angry” is accurate, but not descriptive in a concrete way that makes me see his face, his body language. I mean, I get that you don’t want to go too deeply into the characters. I don’t know. These are just initial thoughts. Take them or leave them. I loved the line, “six pounds eleven ounces of mewling, bloody life.” That was vivid for me. Also those little phrases like “crumb of comfort.” That felt original. Sorry, this is a bit of a rambling review! Again, take it or leave it. I don’t know that I’m right. LikeLike Reply Thank you very much for your feedback. It was constructive, honest and helpful. LikeLike Reply Very good. Hooked already. LikeLike Reply Thank you. That’s great to hear 🙂 LikeLike Reply Hi Stephen, I really liked this beginning and can’t wait to see what happens next. I liked a lot of the metaphors you used to get the scene across, especially the part about the shattered glass looking like dew on the hospital floor. The one thing I would look for is using the word “for” too often. I think you’re using it to drum up the drama of the scene but it comes across more pretentious than anything. Think about how each sentence sounds when you read it out loud, would it sound natural if you were verbally telling the story instead of in writing? Sometimes simplicity plays the drama more than the pretention. Looking forward to more! Your friend, Liz LikeLike Reply Thank you very much for the feedback Elizabeth. I’ll certainly take your feedback on board 🙂 LikeLiked by 1 person Reply I enjoyed the first chapter. I’m hooked. LikeLike Reply Thank you very much 😊 LikeLike Reply First chapter is captivating and real. I love it and look forward to more. LikeLike Reply Thank you very much 😊 LikeLike Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here... 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