It arrived in the post this week. My new phone. Fionnuala had been counting down the days until my current mobile contract could be upgraded. She was more excited than I was, explaining the improvements in the I Phone XR I was receiving. Lots of long words I didn’t understand about mega giga bytes and pixels. Free minutes galore and lots of unlimited stuff regarding data and messages.
She painstakingly set it up for me, talking through the various new features. I felt like a petty criminal being photographed in a police station as she made me look this way, then that way as the face recognition password was installed. What’s wrong with a good, old fashioned six digit password? It was like explaining fire to a caveman. I sat baffled and bewildered as the education continued.
Finally I got my sweaty palms on this slimline piece of cutting edge technology. I will probably utilise about 10% of its all singing, all dancing capabilities. As long as I can make and receive calls, message people and access my apps then I’m a happy camper. There were one or two features, however, that got my juices flowing. And neither of them required any NASA wizardry, either.
That’s right. After twenty years of black mobile phones, I threw caution to the wind and opted for a different colour. This was an utter revelation. I misplace my phone, on average, around 147 times a day. I invariably phone it, before realising I had it on silent. Cue much face palming and hunting of the house. But now, with a bright red phone, even a myopic fool like me can locate it in super quick time.
And, second, it came with stickers!!!!
Two Apple stickers. I can whack one of them on my battered laptop, et voila, I have a MacBook at no additional cost. I can now pose in arty coffee shops, writing ground breaking fiction, while sipping my frothy caramel steamer. No more hiding my laptop inadequacies under the table. Where will the second sticker go? Who knows! The world is my oyster with this one and the possibilities are endless.
An Apple fridge? Television? Car? Or maybe I’ll save it for that extra special occasion, jealously protecting my one remaining sticker like Gollum with the one true ring. It will be my preciousssssss and woe betide anyone who tries to pinch it from under my nose. Stickers are the way forward. Bitcoins are sooooo last year. You mark my words. I’ve seen the future….and it’s sticky!
Yes, Yes. I realise I’m a bit of a Luddite. But grant me these simple pleasures. As you read this, I won’t be head first down the back of the sofa, wondering where on earth I’ve put it down this time. Which means more blogging and less muttering and head scratching. Now, excuse me, while I nip off to polish my sticker and scout potential locations for its new permanent phone.
What colour is your mobile (cell) phone?
How often do you lose it?
Where would you put your Apple sticker?