My 30 Day Coffee Challenge: Failing Day 1

I read somewhere, or possibly just imagined it, that if you eat or drink a foodstuff you despise for 30 days straight, you will end up liking, or at least be able to tolerate, it. Well, you all know I love a challenge so this was one that had me straining at the leash to attempt. When faced with the food or drink in question, there was only ever going to be one candidate. My arch nemesis, the Moriarty to my Holmes – coffee.

I’ve written in the past about my rollercoaster relationship with coffee. I love the look of it, the smell of it, the whole concept of it. I dream of lounging all day in a cosy cafe, sipping a frappy-cappy espresso whatever, while pretentiously tapping away at a laptop, as I pen my latest bestseller. The one slight fly in the ointment? I hate the taste of the stuff. As in, physically retch the second it touches my taste buds.

Believe me, I’ve tried down the years. I so want to be in the cool coffee quaffing club, but remain the perennial bridesmaid, telling people I’m meeting a friend for a coffee then sadly sipping from my tea or Diet Coke as others load up on espresso shots or assault frothy concoctions piled high with whipped cream and marshmallows. Baristas smile politely and look mildly disappointed whenever I place my order.

Yesterday, I struck out again, more in hope than expectation, on my latest familiarisation programme. It was my first meeting with the other BIG BOSSES in a nearby city centre hotel. I sidled nervously into my seat around the impressive conference table, before the Chief Executive encouraged us to avail of complimentary coffee from a rather complicated looking contraption spouting steam in the corner of the room.

As I edged nearer the front of the queue, I eyed up the machine with some trepidation. It sported an impressive array of buttons. I intently observed those in front of me, determined not to screw up when my moment in the limelight came. There was a BIG BIG BOSS immediately behind me. The back of my neck broke out in a clammy sweat. This was more nerve wracking than the recent job interview itself.

I placed my cup under the ‘tap’, selected cappuccino, the only selection that looked vaguely familiar, and hoped for the best. A creamy looking substance began to fill the cup, before spluttering to a stop near the brim. Feeling rather pleased with myself, I picked up the cup and returned to the conference table. I was a proper adult now, punching my weight with the organisation’s high fliers and go getters. Stephen had finally arrived.

All that abruptly ended, the second I raised the cup to my lips and supped the foul liquid within. I grimaced, swallowed and forced myself to take a second mouthful. I now resembled a constipated water buffalo and was attracting concerned looks from the Head of Corporate Services. I smiled tepidly and pretended to look busy, organising my pens and picking at an imaginary fleck of fluff on my jacket lapel.

After the third torturous attempt I accepted defeat, set the cup aside and slyly opened a can of Diet Coke when nobody was looking. I had fallen at the first hurdle, a Frappuccino fraud of the highest order. Maybe I’ll try beetroot next time, or possibly brussel sprouts. Nothing could be worse than death by caffeine. Failing that, it’s back to the honeycomb ice cream and coconut mushrooms. Oh well….

91 thoughts on “My 30 Day Coffee Challenge: Failing Day 1

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  1. OK, bearing in mind I was never a BIG BOSS, so this advice may well be irrelevant… I would say that you should stick to your guns and avoid coffee altogether. (Hopefully you’re liking this advice already). You could make some excuse about the way the coffee farmers are ripped off by the multinationals, or simply tell the truth of course. Though I would say that walking around with a can of coke (even if diet) is possibly not a good sign either. We had a guy in our office who always had a bottle of coke in his hand – he must have got through 4 or 5 or more a day. Unfortunately, and this may have been simply his natural look, his eyelids always seemed droopy so that he looked half asleep, so at least I had imagined that he’d been on the binge all night and the coke was his mode of recovery/keeping going. I know this is not the case with you, but it’s all about appearances in the corporate world. So, if you like tea, I’d switch to asking for an Earl Grey, or such like. (The Lemon and Ginger is my favourite when I’m in a tight spot for what to choose). I know it’s not macho, but sometimes you have to make a stand (for your taste buds sake!)

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  2. I definitely don’t recommend becoming a coffee drinker, not great for our bodies anyway! But your post made me chuckle (in a good way). I hated mushrooms and started the same experiment, i now actually really like mushrooms, so i think theres some truth to the theory!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. My moniker, caffeinatedathlete may suggest I appreciate a good cup of coffee. However, I realize everyone’s taste is different. As a big boss, I respect the different perspective others bring to the table, even if it is their own choice of beverage. I must agree with others that if it takes 30 days to develop a taste, why bother. Be true to yourself. Most of my peers and definitely my big, big bosses enjoy alcohol when we gather for dinner. I choose not to and feel they respect that choice.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I too like a challenge but I also like being me and never really have followed any crowd. I like what I like and if I don’t care for something it shouldn’t matter to anyone else.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I don’t understand. If coffee makes you sick, then don’t drink it. It’s no different than alcohol in this case. Say that it doesn’t agree with you & order a tea. What’s the big deal? What am I missing? Is coffee that important a drink in Ireland?

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Oh how I love coffee. I drink it black, no sugar, no cream, no calories, but all the polyphenols. Still, each person is an individual with his or her own preferences, so I’m totally cool with it if the person next to me doesn’t like it.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Haha! This post made me chuckle. I HATED coffee for years!! And I wanted so desperately to love the stuff that I tried this very same thing! I drank it almost every morning for a year until I realized that my stomach is too sensitive to be an addict, it quite honestly makes me sick!

    2 years later…I can tolerate the stuff, but love it?? No. I’m a iced water kind of gal. Or I love a good cup of tea on a cold day (especially David’s tea – forever nuts is the best).

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Poor guy.

    Honestly, the BIG BOSS and the BIG BIG BOSS and even someone potentially over him will respect you for nonchalantly turning them down and for your opening the Diet Coke, instead. Classy people are supposed to have odd quirks.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This is funny stuff! Oh to be a fly on the wall watching it all go down. If you like that bubbly fizzy kind of feeling from soda may I suggest a nitro cold brew. I love coffee. Do not even try to come between me and my morning brew. You will get hurt! I am glad there are people on earth who don’t like coffee because I read on FB that scientists say it may go extinct?! Good luck with your challenge!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It took me ages and ages to decide to try coffee. Even now I only have a half cup first thing. I much prefer tea. Irish breakfast is my favorite. Or sparkling water with a touch of lemonade. I totally get it! Have a super coffee free day. Love to Fionnuala

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  10. I love coffee, but not coffee cake, or iced coffee or coffee flavoured chocolates. I’m not sure why that is.

    I didn’t used to like olives but I made myself eat them till I liked them. Now I love them. So it does work. Maybe you should begin with a mocha (which is like a hot chocolate with coffee, in case you don’t know)? One of my friends started drinking coffee that way and now loves it.

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  11. LOL. “constipated water buffalo” It’s a good thing I wasn’t in the process of drinking something because it would have definitely would have come spraying out my mouth.

    I love coffee. But I can’t drink it black. The way my cousin describes it is this: “it tastes like burnt water…..you know….if you could actually burn water.”

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I can relate completely. I love sitting and enjoying a hot beverage and coffee always sounds so delightful. I made a good run at trying to like it, even drinking a specific concoction almost daily, but I essentially had to contain my involuntary desire to retch the final time I tried to take a sip (somehow I finished that cup, but I merely drank it out of desperation from feeling fatigued). Now I order my English Breakfast tea and happily sip on that in the aforementioned pretentious manner. No one but the barista and keen observer knows it is tea…until you remove the bag, but I quickly slip it into a close by trash bin and call it a win.

    Incidentally, my go to beverage is also Diet Coke. Although I have another quirk in regards to this delight: I only like Diet Coke from a fountain and not from a can or bottle!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. If only such a magical delight actually existed. Although, my husband has promised to install on in our home in an effort to save money from going to our closest convenience store at various times throughout the day.

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  13. I’m so sorry. I’m a bit scared by the thought of a world without coffee. I found coffee to be like wine. When one starts drinking it they usually start off with the sweet wines, or in this case, sugar and cream, lattes, cappuccinos, etc. Over time one’s tastes tend to gravitate for drier wines and stronger coffee flavors. Keep practicing Stephen!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I just finished a 3 day reboot/fast it was ridiculously hard 😂 I just love my junk food way too much! This morning I loaded my plate full of stuff I couldn’t eat during the reboot and loved every second of it. Good luck with your coffee challenge 😊 I have the same reaction to black licorice and I don’t think I’ll be trying any fun challenge any time soon to change that 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I personally don’t have faith in those machines ☺️! It’s ok not to like what comes out after ‘pushing a button’ to get a cap. It’s not made with love and no human watching the espresso shot or frothing the perfect milk. Those machines scare me with their robotic bodies. All wide open beady eyes 👀 (buttons) and no soul.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I’ll add my tuppence to the “why bother?” crowd. Coffee isn’t good for you, anyway (BTW, neither is Diet Coke). Even black tea isn’t the best thing to be swilling, for many of the same reasons. If you want to carry around a hot cuppa something because your fingers are cold, opt for a nice mild herbal tea (peppermint, chamomile, rose hips, whatever), or a hot lemonade, or my favorite: cocoa.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh… I got that you were making light, but trying to make yourself like something you know you don’t like? Why bother? Or was the whole situation humorous fiction?

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  17. I love tea – a coffee drinker I’ll never be. Pour that dark stuff down the drain – it only causes grief and pain. (Penned in your honor, but I dislike the stuff too so I feel ya. Bad poetry to go with the bitter brew haha)

    Liked by 1 person

  18. That was hilarious! I can’t have coffee or caffeine anymore due to Celiac and coffee is one thing I really miss. Never liked Starbucks, but I enjoyed good organic coffees from around the world that I would make at home. I loved putting a scoop of vanilla ice cream in my coffee with a little sugar (I can’t have dairy anymore either). You might like it that way. I suppose you could use your honeycomb ice cream too, but I’ve never had that. Bet it would taste good though. Hope it works out well! God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Ha! Your weakness is still Diet Coke….and mine is still coffee. Hazelnut, half-caff, with coconut sugar and half n’ half is my favorite. But I’m trying to replace the coconut sugar with monkfruit sweetener, and I try to limit myself to one large cup per day.

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  20. I would say to “build a tolerance” one drink at a time, not one cup at a time, but that’s just me.

    But honestly, I love the stuff. However, about ten years ago it decided it didn’t like me. So now I drink a “Latte” coffee that’s half milk (cream, half and half, whatever your pleasure) with a shot of hazelnut flavor and a short shot of dark chocolate syrup. It tastes a bit like a Milky Way bar.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I have been this person–go into a hipster cafe, order a coffee drink, take one sip, NOPE lol. Do they have International Delight coffee creamer in Ireland? I got to the point of liking coffee by pouring the coffee in the cup then adding a very generous dose of Reese’s flavored creamer. Not very healthy but so yummy!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. As someone who blogs about drinking black coffee weekly, it’s always gross. While after a year and a half of forcing black coffee down my throat my reviews have not gotten more positive, they’ve certainly become more descriptive 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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