I am succeeding, things are happening, momentum is gathering. The rusty bolt in the gate has finally succumbed to my tugging and twisting. The huge boulder which has resisted me so long is finally starting to trundle down the hill, gathering pace as I run alongside it, breathless and giddy with excitement at what lies ahead. Everything is falling into place. I can see the finish line, hear the cheering crowds. I’m that close.
Which makes these final days all the more frustrating. Everything I’ve touched of late has turned to gold yet, here I am, another Monday morning about to crawl out of bed and head to the office. It comes around so fast. I’m swamped at work but such is the reward for becoming a Big Boss. There is nowhere to hide now, no slacking or skiving. Great things are expected of me, the Bigger Bosses have said as much. Yet, still I dream.
The book deal creeps ever nearer. I check my inbox 5857 times a day. They are busy people but my already frayed patience hangs by a thread. Hurry up, can’t you see I’m straining at the leash here. I regulate my breathing, pop another happy pill and try to focus on the here and now. But I’m a dreamer, always have been, always will. I want this to happen today, now. Waiting is for mugs and I’m tired of being one.
Is today the day, the day I sign the deal that changes my life, the life of my family? Or am I just another deluded, wannabe author, building their hopes up only for them to be dashed against the rocks of anonymity and failure. Were the doubters, the mockers right all along? Am I destined to fall short and prove them right? Only time will tell, I guess. Time. What a double edged sword it is.
I’ve been beaten up and beaten down these last nine years. Nine years. Since my father died. I have the dates tattooed on my arm but I still stare at the ink in disbelief. Would he be proud of me today? My mother told me recently he always wanted to write a book himself. There were so many things he could have done, should have done. Until you took him. God works in mysterious ways. I hate that saying. I’ve had my fill of mysteries.
I’m sure he’s looking down, telling me to calm down, to remain patient, to wait. Echoing the words of my wise wife. Don’t hit self destruct, Stephen. Play the long game, one more week, that’s all it will take. They’re right, I know, but that doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow. But I’ll wait, I’ll wallow, I’ll pout but I’ll swallow. I’ll get up for work and play the game. What’s one more day between friends. Or enemies, for that matter.
Black Thoughts 
Waiting is hard! But everyone is right – good things take time. I’m praying that the long awaited email comes to you sooner rather than later 🙂
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Thank you Laura 🙂
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Great post Stephen. I too have had my fill of mysteries. But you are doing good. Really. They say reach for the sky. Well you did – and you are nearly there. Keep going. Keep striving. You’ll do it 😊
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Thank you 😊
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I’ve no doubt said this before but, all good things come to those who wait. (I’m never quite sure why that should be true, but I’m sure it will be in this case). Patience, Stephen, patience. 🙂
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Thank you. I’m trying 🙂
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fantastic post
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Thank you 😊
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I’m sorry. I miss my dad, too. I’m sure you just wish you could talk to him. Hope you’re having a busy but good day at work. God is right there with you. Keep turning to Him. 🙂 All is well, deal or no deal.
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Thank you Paula 🙂
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Waiting is sooooo frustrating. We live in the world of RIGHT NOW! It is hard to learn to sit back and breathe.
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It certainly is 😮
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Oooooh! I’m so excited for you! I’m waiting with my fingers crossed that it’s everything you hope and wish for. (Oh, and when you become a multi-millionaire author, will you still talk to this lowly wannabe? 😳 Pretty please with a cherry on top?)
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Of course, I will. But only if you send me more chapters. Please! 🙂
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Waiting is definitely very hard to do. But I’ll be praying for you and am so excited for you!
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Thank you very much Leigh 🙂
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As Tom Petty sang in his twangy way….the waiting is the hardest part! So excited for this adventure for you!!
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Thank you Laurie. I hope you’ll enjoy reading it 🙂
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Although this song is not about waiting for the deal of a lifetime, it has been helping me to think more about patience lately. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExXLAYnRcq8
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Thank you for the link 👍🏻
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