Do You Ever?

Do you ever feel invisible? Do you ever feel that, no matter how hard you try, your efforts are ignored and passed over? If you stood in the middle of a crowded street and screamed until your lungs burst, not one person would stop and come to your aid? Do you ever feel it’s one step forward, nine steps back? Do you ever feel like setting down your pen, for what’s the point? Do you ever despair it will never happen?

Do you ever look at the people around you and shake your head sadly? Do you ever wonder how it came to this, how your hopes and dreams lie bloody and bruised at your feet? Do you ever feel like lying down, curling up into a ball and sobbing uncontrollably for the rest of your days? Do you ever want it all to stop, to step off the caustic carousel into blissful oblivion, to a place where pain and anguish are no more?

Do you ever wonder what happened to all the people who said they cared, who used to be a part of your day to day? Do you think they think about the days that were, the days that could have been? Would they step over you in the street now, like modern day Pharisees bustling to their place of worship, too fixated on self and image to tend to your failing needs? Do you wonder where they are now?

Do you ever question God? Do you ever question is there is a God? For if there is, then why did he allow that to happen? And that and this and that? Do you ever question everything you’ve ever held close to your heart, the concrete absolutes of your being, which now slip through your cupped hands like grains of sand. Do you ever? Will you ever? The questions never stop.

Do you ever?

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 15 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

51 thoughts on “Do You Ever?

  1. I do… I do a lot… and I never know what to do. I’m surrounded by people but I’m so alone, I smile and laugh but no one ever sees that under the surface I’m falling apart, but I’m too scared to let people see that I’m crumbling apart in front of them…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I feel invisible all the time & I like to feel invisible. I like walking along city streets like nobody can see me.

    Sometimes I’m with a bunch of people & I just disappear. I’ll get a text later … “hey what happened to you?” This is a valuable skill when dealing with amorous men (!!)

    As for God, I don’t think about him at all. He does what he wants to when he wants to do it & it has nothing to do with me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, I have. Yes, I do. And likely yes, I will in the future.
    A common question among we pastor-types is, “Is anything I am doing or saying making a hill of beans worth of difference… to ANYONE???”

    And yet, we slog on, telling ourselves that faithfulness to “the call” is more important than measurement of results.

    Sometimes it works.

    Thanks, Stephen, for revealing your heart and inspiring us to reveal ours in return.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh my! Yes, I have felt invisible! It’s an awful feeling…right up there with rejection. I do question God and that is how I started writing. I would love to share some of my revelations/epiphanies. They are too long for a comment. My favorite one is written as a script…Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People? https://prayerwows.wordpress.com

    I’m a “want to be blogger,” but haven’t figured out how to get traffic.

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  5. I think we all do – but there’s also the question in there of “Are we with the right people?” My tribe, as such, can tell by the tone of my texts or posts where I am, even when I think I’m hiding in plain sight. It goes both ways – certain words and phrases have my brain screaming “Red Alert” when they’re used by certain people.
    The challenge is to use that to work for you – help you to decide who is to be trusted with “I feel meaningless” and won’t poo-poo it, or be dismissive of those feelings, and who you don’t want around you in that time. It’s not the most enjoyable litmus test, but it’s something to be used, not used by.
    Yes, I have those days, and weeks. It takes my community and time to help me through.

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  6. Pretty much all the time. It pushes me to find a meaning, some stepping stones towards new ideas and beginnings. But nothing is ever the complete story, and we are always moving forward – until we’re not.

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  7. Yes. Constantly. “Invisible” was perhaps my only way to describe myself for so long.

    And then suddenly, someone would be there. Standing there. I wasn’t always alone as I believed. Sometimes we don’t see the people in our lives because they’re not responding how we expect them to. Sometimes they don’t know how, but they’re trying. And sometimes it takes a little bit of light.

    Many ((hugs)) this darkness is so crushing. But remember, there is no such thing as true darkness: there is ALWAYS light present. Even when we cannot find it, it is there. It will keep shining. Do not give up. You are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Yes, there are times when invisibility is good. I have learned that the pendulum swings: you have good days, you have bad days. But, we need to be thankful to have days at all. We live, we love, we feel; we are human. I love how you bare your soul to us readers. I can relate to so many things that you write. Thank you for sharing.

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  9. I read your post yesterday, but my heart and mind were such a jumbled mess after reading such heart-aching, true-to-life feelings that I could not properly respond. And though today I would not say that my thoughts are all that much clearer, I simply wanted to say that I see you, Stephen. I see you! (not literally, so don’t freak out!)

    The pain of feeling invisible, of wondering does it matter, does anyone really care… I think we’ve all been in this place—I know for myself, I have a tendency to revisit this place way too often. It is not healthy to linger here for too long. And yet, when the world seemingly keeps dumping us here, we start wondering, “Does anyone care?”

    I know your followers here are names, some with faces, some who’ve shared their stories/experiences with you, but know that we are more than that…we see you! We care about you. You matter. Your words matter. For me personally, you are part of my every morning routine.

    I love your realness—even if it is dark-ish at times. I love your humor. I love your fiction and non-fiction. You are remarkable. Truly! I pray that you’ll see that, own it, and walk confidently in your genuine identity—not in your feelings or circumstances—you are more than that.

    xoxox
    Karyn

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  10. I am quite adept at being invisible. When you are an introvert like me it can be a life saving gift. But sometimes I am in the middle of a room and I feel like I am so alone. Lately I question God all the time. I know He’s there but I’m not always sure anymore if he cares. Right now I’m in survival mode. Just do the next right thing.

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  11. I question God, but I do it Job-style. Sometimes the struggles are almost more than I can bear, be it emotional or sleep deprivation (toddler who has never been a good sleeper at night and way too much to do!), relationships etc but God says His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and in Isaiah 53:3-5 it says He was despised and rejected by mankind,a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.Like one from whom people hide their faceshe was despised, and we held him in low esteem.4Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering,yet we considered him punished by God,stricken by him, and afflicted.5But he was pierced for our transgressions,he was crushed for our iniquities;the punishment that brought us peace was on him,and by his wounds we are healed.” – God knows our struggles and he never leaves us. He’s there for us, even if we feel he has gone – it is in those times that we are challenged to trust Him more and the times when we have such potential for growth. He has helped me with CFS, PND, anxiety and so much more.

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