The real Santa Claus was understandably too busy to attend Hannah’s 16th birthday party yesterday so he sent one of his helpers instead. Quite a strange helper if I do say so myself but the kids didn’t seem to mind and that’s the main thing. He crash landed on the roof and then apologised profusely for knocking slates off Granny Marie’s roof. As entrances went it was not the most professional sleigh landing.
When he did make it downstairs it became very apparent this was a well travelled helper. His North Pole accent veered from Indian to Australian to Northern Irish on a whim and he also seemed to have problems holding his trousers up. This was obviously because he had been on a diet preparing himself for the busy Christmas season ahead. Thankfully his belt saved the blushes of all concerned.
Santa met the birthday girl although he initially mistook her Aunt Sue for the teenage celebrant. He then committed the cardinal sin of getting Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber mixed up. What a silly Santa. He redeemed himself, however, by bringing selection boxes and candy canes for children and adults alike. Rumours of him secreting a tub of Pringles in his sack are currently being investigated.
Santa met a little boy called Noah who truly epitomised the spirit of Christmas. At five years old, the excitement, wonderment and innocence in his eyes reminded everyone that there is so much more to the Yuletide season than spending tonnes of money you don’t have, drinking yourself into a stupor or getting so stressed you forget the true meaning of the season.
Santa also met two very naughty boys in Adam and his Uncle Gearard who are perpetually on his naughty list. Adam was shamed by Santa informing him if he didn’t keep his room tidy then he wouldn’t get the doll’s house he had secretly asked for; and Uncle Gearard was told to keep his hands off Santa or he would get a slap on the nose for his troubles. Santa has taken up martial arts training.
Santa had to leave after that, as Rudolph was waiting on the roof and the traffic had been very heavy coming into Belfast. He gave a final gift to Fionnuala, the most beautiful lady in the room, and patted Rebecca the elf on the head as he bid farewell. He also told Noah to get to bed early on Christmas Eve or his monkey helpers would sneak into his room and tickle him. As I said, a most peculiar Santa.
What do you make of this Silly Santa