Down The Rabbit Hole We Go

I’m easily distracted at the best of times but when the OCD hits it’s hard to maintain focus and concentration when it’s seductive, velvety, barbed wire tones insist you drop everything and succumb to the latest intrusive thought fluttering onto your mindscape. As innocent as an autumn leaf drifting in the breeze, as deadly as a hand grenade lobbed into a crowded room. It explodes and your world changes. Forever.

You don’t want to go there, yet you must. Like a persistent child tugging at their parent’s wrist you capitulate to the thought for, otherwise, it will occupy your every waking thought. It will niggle you at first, but then grow in stature and volume until it consumes you whole. You stand on the brink, staring into the darkness below. You know what lies ahead but you jump in, feet first anyway. Rational thought deserts you when you most need it.

The rabbit hole is deep and dark and deadly. It does not recognise human concepts such as time nor distance. There are no rules or boundaries, it does not pander to such petty restrictions. It is an unchained beast, rampaging unchallenged through the subconscious, feasting where it wishes. Many have tried to tame it and fallen, crushed beneath this behemoth of chaos. It does not care, you are it’s plaything, to toy with as it sees fit.

I’m a survivor. I’ve crawled from the rabbit hole many times now, battered and bruised, but somehow intact. I am an ageing Alice and I bear the scars to illustrate my tale. They map out what was and what is. I know it’s tortuous tunnels, full of dead ends and wrong turns. I’ve spent many years, lost within its slick black depths. I’ve bettered it, bartered with it, been battered by it. I stand alone, victorious. Until the next time that is…for there’s always a next time.

Maintain

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

17 thoughts on “Down The Rabbit Hole We Go

  1. Stephen, when I try to feel what you are dealing with I can only relate it to the addictions which I have endured. Those rabbit holes do not discriminate between OCD and substance addiction. But, thank God for the miracles that pull us back out.

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  2. Hello, It’s a late thank you, but I appreciate you visiting my site! Yes, I understand the need to go down the hole. Sometimes I have a compulsive need to thoroughly and completely tidy up a room, organize and taxonomize the file tree on a computer, and re-arrange an entire store shelf though I am just a customer. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and looking forward to more!

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  3. You describe it so very well Stephen. You and I know it’s predatory nature, that it never goes away but merely lies in wait and stays dormant for a time only getting quieter at times, with it’s siren song.

    From one veteran to another,”Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more…”

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  4. We will all fall. Life is not about that, about how many times we fall down. It’s about how many times we stand up, dust ourselves off, and get stuck in again.

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