Thoughts From The Prancing Pony – I Don’t Like Hobbits

Hobbits annoy me. There, I’ve said it. Apologies to all you Elijah Woods fanatics out there but they do. Sir Ian Holm will no doubt be turning in his grave and Sean Astin will be…well, doing whatever Sean Astin does these days. Didn’t he pop up in the last season of ‘Stranger Things’ or something? Anyway, I digress. The big news of the day? I’ve finally started my re-read of the ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy after a thirty years hiatus.

I’ve worked out if I read seven pages a day I will have it finished by the end of the year. Piece of cake, right? Except it’s now Day 4 and I’m already a reading behind. So, it’s now fourteen pages tonight. No pressure at all especially if there’s a bit of elvish poetry or Shire drinking song I can skip over. I love Tolkien but please don’t get me started on his poetry and drinking songs. That’s what a university education gets you I guess.

Which brings me back to all things hobbits. Setting aside their disgusting feet (pots and kettles Stephen?) they do not stand out as heroic creatures. They’re physically weak, small of stature and wide of girth. The latter is kind of unavoidable given that their entire culture appears to revolve around food and the consumption of large amounts of ale. Six meals a day, no less. You’re not going to catch a Took or a Baggins nipping out for a quick 10K before second breakfast.

They’re also a tad fond of the pipe. No, not crackheads, more tobacco. According to the early pages of LOTR, which contains a potted history of the hobbit species, they invented the nasty habit and even got the dwarves and wizards hooked on the stuff. Want to make a shilling or two in Third Age Middle Earth? I suggest opening an inn or a tobacconist in the Shire. They will have you run off your large, hairy, unseemly feet. You’ll be rolling in money.

Then there’s the inter-familial strife. It would appear that all hobbits are related to one another, a bit like certain parts of Northern Ireland, and are forever bickering about who said what to so and so’s great great grandfather, several centuries ago. Hobbits have long memories and sharp tongues, such is the level of rumour mongering and gossip they spread throughout their fair and tranquil land. Why they can’t get around a table and thrash out their differences I’ll never know.

Then there’s world affairs. They haven’t a clue, living ostrich like existences with their heads permanently stuck down hobbit holes. The universe could be falling apart and they would carry on obliviously. The height of their travel aspirations is a long weekend in Bree, never mind what’s kicking off in Rohan and Mordor, just down the well travelled road. Terrifying wraith like dark riders rampaging through your land might be a slight clue but it all washes over their annoyingly curly, wide-eyed heads.

So, yeah, hobbits are not my favourite Tolkien creations. Give me orcs any day of the week. Orcs are much maligned and misunderstood beasts. At least they’re consistent. You always know where you stand with an orc. If you bump into one, you’re fairly certain they are going to want to kill you. A bit like zombies. You don’t get that with lazy hobbits, grumpy dwarves or languid, day dreaming elves. I like orcs. They do exactly what it says on the tin.

As for humans, well that’s for another day. I still have a long way to go before I encounter Strider and his lot. I’ll be posting irregular updates as to my progress through this gargantuan tome and would love to hear your thoughts. Are you a LOTR fan, always meant to read it, or it simply isn’t your cup of tea? Feel free to comment and that way I won’t feel such an awkward geek boy. Wherever you are stay safe and enjoy your day.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

25 thoughts on “Thoughts From The Prancing Pony – I Don’t Like Hobbits

  1. I can’t stand Ents
    I think Samwise is entirely overrated.
    Merry is my favourite Hobbit.
    Elves sing waaaaaaaay too much.
    Elrond is a stick in the mud.

    But yet I’ve still enjoyed listening to Jeremiah read The Hobbit and now the LOTR to Benjamin every night.

    The Hobbit is great. Gollum is great.

    I am Gollum.

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  2. Good luck on your Tolkien adventure. If you get hooked you have years of reading ahead of you. I am working through the unfinished tales again. I’m not a fan of hobbits either BTW, but all things considered I’d like to be more like them. Enjoying the simple things, as they say.

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  3. I realise it may not be the right thing to say but I’ve never read LOTR or The Hobbit. Can’t say I’ve even made it to the end of most of the movies – I tend to fall asleep half way through. 😆 It’s one of those things I say I should really do one day but I don’t know if there are enough hours in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Stephen and Fionnuala, I am no longer receiving new emails when your new posts come in, says I still follow your blog but how do I get back into your subscribed list? Best ❤️

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  5. There is a certain sense in not knowing (nor caring) what is going on in the rest of the World. I think, had my wife not kept updating me on the stop/start nature of British, or even World, politics, I would remain serenely in heaven. Take 5G – does anyone really need it? Isn’t 4 or even 3G good enough? My internet works fine thank you (via a telephone wire which comes in at the corner of the chalet). So you can forget all that optic fibre nonsense too. Everyone seems to be in too much of a rush these days. I think Hobbits had it absolutely right. Now where’s my pipe and ale…?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I had never thought critically about hobbits and their place in the world. The points you make certainly show they have a lot to make up for, and a lot to learn about being useful members of their wider world.

    I read LOTR when I was 12, and it took me quite some months to get through the densely filled pages. Your rereading of its pages is reminding me that sometimes we can learn more by doing something more than once. Maybe like the hobbits we must embark on that journey and become more than we have been until then, even if that’s out of our normal course of action. For me, rereading a book or rewatching a film are things I don’t do much but would probably learn from.

    Thank you for the update.

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  7. I am a big fan of the movies and do enjoy the books; however, I do have issues with the books. I don’t like Tom Bombadil. I don’t like the lengthy delay before the hobbits even leave the Shire. I skip over the songs and poems.

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