Don’t Be That Person

I stole this post off Facebook this morning, as it encapsulates my thinking on certain folk. The people who you consider friends. Or rather, considered friends. The people who, when you talk passionately about your pursuits or dreams, suddenly change the subject or look away in mild embarrassment. You tell them you want to be a writer and they stare at you like you have two heads. The people who make snide comments and sarcastic asides. The people who hurt you.

I know everyone isn’t a reader. I get that. I’ve had the whole ‘I don’t have the time to read’ or ‘reading isn’t really my thing’ debate multiple times. I’ve had people proudly inform me that they haven’t read a book since school. I’m never quite sure how to respond to that. They look so pleased with themselves. What are they expecting? A medal? A round of applause? It slightly baffles me, but that’s not even the issue. We are all different and that’s their right.

What hurts are those who completely miss the point. It doesn’t matter if I’m writing a book, or building a spaceship or inventing a vaccine for coronavirus. I don’t want your money, I’m never going to beg you make a purchase. If you don’t want to, then that’s fine. But perhaps a crumb of interest? A smidgeon of support? You don’t have to quickly change the subject or develop a sudden interest in your fingernails. All I ask for is recognition that you are there for me.

Do you know people like that? They can talk all day about what they are up to, what their kids are doing. They tell you about every work related drama and ache or pain they have. Yet when you dare to gently turn the subject around to your hopes and dreams their eyes start to glaze over and they look mildly aggrieved, as if an unpleasant smell has invaded their flaring nostrils. It’s unnecessary and it hurts. Don’t be that person. Ever.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

60 thoughts on “Don’t Be That Person

  1. I’m sure we all fall into that trap sometimes and I’m equally sure we all know someone who is like that more often than not (i.e. all self, self, self). As you may already know, I’m not a reader, I also say “You can count on two hands the number of books I’ve read in my life”, (though that has increased to 4 hands over the years), but that is simply to emphasise that I’m not a reader and books, in general, are not my thing. BUT, I am full of admiration for people, like yourself, who obviously have a gift for writing, or indeed the time (and patience – I have no patience) to read. I’m also pretty sure that A New Jerusalem will be the next book that I do read. And, I’m looking forward to it! 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. My husband isn’t a “reader” but he reads all the time. LOL. It seems that there is a divide between those who love to read books (a traditional “reader”) and those who prefer to research online, peruse blogs, etc. We’re all readers, really. We just enjoy different media. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I guess as I age I care less about what people think when they say ‘I have not read a book since high school’ I will look at them and ask ‘what is wrong with you?’ I know not everyone reads (Tember is one I am struggling with) but information comes from everywhere not just what you hear on the news at night or read on the internet. 30 second bites to keep you hooked before it wanes and moves onto the next thing. Hope all is well. 🙂

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  3. You’ve nailed how I’ve felt about the “surface” conversations with others. Even my own family members. “Deep” conversations rarely occur with most. It’s when you find that small circle of support~the ones that rally you and ignite your dreams and passion by sharing their own ~this is your tribe. And when you have a tribe behind you, coupled with the love of a Heavenly Father, you’re unstoppable despite the routine rhetoric. ❣️

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Stephen, I try not to be ‘that person.’ Though there are times when what is going on in my little world seems to drown out everyone else. Thankfully, that seems to happen less these days.
    I describe ‘that person’ as having “i” trouble: everything is all about them. I pity them, for there are so may more interesting people doing cool things out there that if all I want to talk about is me, I will never get to know.
    Blessings,
    Chuck
    PS:
    today we are one day closer to the release of A New Jerusalem!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. We’re all trying to learn to be more attentive to the people around us. I can’t point fingers at those who don’t take an interest in my writing because I’m often lost in my own head and forget to ask about their lives. Right?

      I keep trying to get better. But it does seem that there are some people that no matter how much interest you express in their lives, they never return the favor. 😦

      Liked by 4 people

  5. This is one of the reasons I didn’t want to tell people that I’m a writer. There’s a stigma, I think. And I don’t even know what it really is!

    People rarely ask me about my writing. I think it’s less about us and the fact that we’re writers and more about their own worries and insecurities.

    I try not to take it personally. But it does get lonely when you can’t share your interests in casual conversation. That’s why writers need other writer friends. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Thanks. It’s a strangely isoloated vocation, this writing thing. It’s made me supremely thankful for online connections. If it weren’t for blogging and Twitter, I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to about writerly things. 🙂

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  6. That’s why I don’t trust people easily. Some people would make you think that they’re you’re “friends” but when the going gets tough, they’re not around, only care about the things that could benifit them. Some people suck.

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  7. “They look so pleased with themselves. What are they expecting? A medal? A round of applause?” I know exactly what you’re talking about, you described it perfectly.

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  8. People may come to judge your choices or to prove how happy they are in life but never to give a listening ear or a caring shoulder to cry on when u need one..that’s life.I have learnt this from my experiences and now m trying to regain my confidence and become self reliant

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  9. I knew one guy who would get dismissive if you brought up anything you made and were proud of because “it’s made up”–achievements had to be real like climbing a mountain or hiking for hours on end. Yet this dude was more than happy to talk about the books and games he loved. In short, creative achievements, to him, were only good if he deemed them worthy :/

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  10. I have really come to embrace seeing “failure” (however that’s defined) or scratch work (as I tend to categorize it I guess) as all very good things. You can learn so much sometimes when things don’t turn out the way you think they were. Depending, of course.

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  11. Ugh, this hit home on so many levels. I’ve lost friends because of these issues (more of toxic “me” personality) and it still hurts to this day. I have this friend who always teased me in school about writing to the point where I stopped talking about it around them. However, we’re still close friends and when I mentioned my blog recently they asked for the link. It completely surprised me. I don’t think they ever clicked it or read anything posted. But the lesson I’m taking away is that this was their way of giving me their support. I think people can change and grow. And it gives me hope.

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  12. Thank you for this post. The older I get, the more I realize what a gift and a joy it is to find something that sparks one’s passion. When someone trusts me enough to share that passion with me – even if I don’t share that passion – I celebrate the fact that their heart is fully engaged in the life they are living. It is truly a gift and a blessing.

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  13. Amen. Let’s build each other up. Thank you for your encouragement. Even from half way around the world I feel your call for strength when things aren’t going well, and the polite encouragement when that’s what is needed.

    In other news, I have finally organised a means of making purchases online, so will get a copy of “Skelly’s Square”. This weekend I’m going to sink my teeth into it!

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  14. i agree with you, having support is so important. Sadly, my family isn’t supportive with me being a writer. They want me to do something else as a career. 😦 I love writing though. I feel that I reach a lot of people. It may be only a small way to help the disability community but I try.

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