There is always a reason for pain, be it physical or mental. It doesn’t just magically pop out of the ether, determined to ruin your day, year or life. There is a cause, something lurking behind. It can be anything – a pulled muscle, strained ligament or faltering organ. That’s the physical side of it, but I want to talk about mental pain today – the invisible torment that hides within so many of us. The pain that nobody else sees but which moulds and shapes who we are today.
We are who we are because of external factors. It can be an event or an individual. They have brushed against us at some point in our lives and we still have the scars to show it. I had a fleeting encounter a while ago with someone I once considered a close friend, someone who knew me, who I had taken a chance on and opened up to. The encounter left me rattled as it brought back old memories, opened up old wounds. It made me want to give up.
This person used to inspire me, to push me on to greater things. That was then, though, and this was now. A lot of water had passed under the bridge. When I faced them the other day I felt snubbed, unworthy and useless. All the hard work I’d put in rebuilding my life felt like a complete waste of time. I was back to square one, at the bottom of the well, the dirt on their shoes. That’s how they made me feel, or rather that’s how I allowed them to make me feel.
They made me feel that way, or rather I allowed them to make me feel that way. For a fleeting second, I allowed them beneath my skin to wreak havoc. Well, no more. I choose to accept the gift they have given me and use it for my own purposes. The pain becomes a weapon which I will wield to break down barriers and vanquish enemies. It will drive me forwards, towards where I want to be, where I deserve to be. They are my unwitting inspiration.