Death Keeps Me Alive

Death keeps me alive. Let me rephrase that, the thought of death inspires me to live. I hit the ‘big 50’ in April, a total game changer in more ways than one. It was difficult not to react by thinking time was running out, as opposed to I have all the time in the world. I should have been looking ahead, as opposed to over my shoulder at what-ifs and could-do-betters. I can’t rewrite my past, much as I’d like to in parts, but I do have a say in what lies ahead.

Or rather, I have a say in how I react to what lies ahead. Life is a topsy-turvy ride of incredible highs and ridiculous lows, over which I’ve little control. Covid-19 anyone? But how I respond to these inevitable peaks and troughs is within my ballpark. I can meander along in mediocrity or I can strike out and forge the best possible future for myself and my family. The future is in my hands, which I wash on a regular basis I might add.

I don’t want to die, none of us do, but I’m resigned to the fact that I will. What matters is that we wring every last drop out of the time we have left. It can be decades, years, months or less. What we must do is make every day count, make the good ones better, and the bad ones at least more tolerable. We owe that to ourselves and our loved ones. I fear death, but a greater fear is an unfulfilled life, where potential was smothered by anxiety and doubt.

Today is 18 September 2020 and I need to make it the best 18 September 2020 I possibly can. For I won’t get a second bite of this particular cherry. It’s a one-stop, once in a lifetime opportunity. You can sprinkle it with laughter and love or muddle through, staring at the ground and muttering, wrapped up in self-pity and regret. I’m not prepared to allow that to happen, are you? Life is there to be lived, starting today. For today is everything, it’s always today. Make today the best day you can. Tomorrow can wait.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

27 thoughts on “Death Keeps Me Alive

  1. I love the message in this. Every day is a once in a lifetime day indeed!

    But what I loved even more was this nifty serious punny joke:
    ‘The future is in my hands, which I wash on a regular basis I might add.’



  2. Loved this, Stephen. It’s so easy to forget how precious life is- though it really is so sweet if we sit quietly for long enough, hey. ☺️So many moments to be taken and held like the most precious one we’ll ever have, don’t you think? ☺️ So many moments too often missed. Thanks for the beautiful reminder to just…live.☀️


      1. You’re so kind for always caring, Stephen, I so appreciate that. I’ve been good and bad. I’m so looking forward to seeing my family again: it’s been a tough slog some days in lock down, but I’ve had good support and am getting there. I hope you and the family are going okay. ☀️


  3. As a fellow member of the birth class of 1970 and having turned 50 in Feb let’s clank glasses to a bit of wisdom. One of the perks of being in the 50+ club, we get to exhibit wisdom from time to time, so of us more so then others. Your post above is very sage, well said.


  4. One of the things I find most interesting about life is synchronicity. I’m having a hard day, a rough morning. But the line “a bite out of this particular cherry” punched through. It made me want to push back a little harder against the depressed mood and affect. Thank you.


  5. Dear Fractured Faith, Nice graffiti — that was you, wasn’t it! Life is indeed a glitch. A time in space, made of quarks (OK, maybe). I didn’t study Physics A-level for nothing. My boyfriend-slash-partner is almost 50, he’s ten years older than me. So it really doesn’t strike me as old. I like the advice to make TODAY the best you can. It’s why I didn’t buy The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle recently. I skim-read it five years ago and remember the underlying message, he he. Maybe there’s potential here to get rid of my remaining anxiety. Greetings 😊😊


  6. I am unfortunately unfortunately unable to remember which blogger shared this quote, but I think it quite apt:

    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

    You are clearly doing this well!


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