I’m a creature of excess. We can thank the OCD for that. I can’t do anything in moderation, that’s my default setting. I have no handbrake, it’s flat out on the accelerator, until I run out of petrol or crash into the nearest wall. Normally, the latter. Because of this, I’m an expert at screwing up perfectly good pastimes and pursuits. Harmless activities become tinged with danger and risk. I have to be so careful. So very careful.
I could go without a drink for a week, two weeks, a month. But when I did consume alcohol, I drank to get drunk. I could never see the point of going for one pint. I’d rather take a soft drink than that. It had to be 8, 10, 12, whatever it took to have me asleep in the corner of the room. I thought I was a great guy, the life and soul of the party. In actuality, I was an embarrassment, the person everyone else wanted to avoid.
It was the same with the running, social media, everything I turn my eye towards. I’ve also obsessed over work, religion, my appearance, celebrities, you name it. The difference today is that I recognise this flaw in me. I’m aware of my inability to control these urges when they get their claws into me. Otherwise they drag me under and I become nothing like the person I want to be. I become consumed by the obsession.
I’m a warning sign to others, a red flag that must be waved. Do you recognise yourself in any of the above? Are you creeping from a place of comfort and enjoyment to one of extremes, somewhere you don’t want to be, but keep edging towards?Enthusiasm and passion are to be applauded, but beware the darker side of the coin. Lines are drawn for a reason, don’t cross them unless you are fully aware of the dangers on the other side.
Black Thoughts 
I can’t do anything in moderation, that’s my default setting. I have no handbrake, it’s flat out on the accelerator, until I run out of petrol or crash into the nearest wall. Normally, the latter.
Damn. Damn. Damn this is way too me. Especially the drinking to get drunk as well. On point mister. On point.
(And indeed, too much of a good thing is always followed by drama). Sucks.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you very much. It’s good to know I’m alone 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I applaud you for speaking out like this -with the current restrictions on socialising and the fearfulness on movements generally, many people are having mental issues that were hitherto unknown to them. I trust your confessional message will get a wide audience.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Tony. Your support is appreciated 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for the insight into this illness. Much love
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome.
LikeLike
This is such a good post. Thank you so much for your openness and honesty.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome Andy 🙂
LikeLike
Needed to hear your words this morning. Thanks
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Larry. Hope they helped.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Ruth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can only join the others in thanking you for your openness in this post. It helps me to see that when I blog about mental health, it can and does make a difference. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you, Anna. You’re very welcome 😊
LikeLike
Every time I read your blog I learn something new.
LikeLike
That’s great to hear
LikeLike
A great blog entry. It does ring true with me. Enjoying running to excess lead me to 2 hill marathons plus two 53K runs in fairly quick succession, and a fractured hip, crutches for a year, kidney stones, etc. I never did anything I enjoyed by half. I kept going like a ‘distress flare’ until it burned out! Sobriety has played a massive part in giving me back the rational part of my brain (the underlying depleted chemicals to be precise) to override this. So I don’t suffer this now or hanxiety or general grumpiness about the world. It all dissolved away after two weeks of not drinking.
LikeLike
Great comments. Yes, I ran to excess as well when I stopped drinking.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing, what seem particularly vivid memories, and especially wise advice.
I think I’m finding I’m pushing too hard when it comes to writing at the moment. It is a blessing that I am able to choose, at least sometimes, not to, but I’m trying to fit too much in. There are onky so many hours in the day, and at the moment I have to fit in 7.5 hours of working at an office, Monday to Friday. This means I have soccer, bible study, writing, and music to fit around that. At present it means going to bed far too late so I only get between five and six hours sleep. For my wellbeing this is not sustainable. I seem fine but it is only a matter of time before something snaps. A minor niggle doesn’t have time to heal from my fewer sleeping hours so it turns into an injury. A slight disagreement turns into an argument because my mind had a very short fuse from lack of sleep. I’m working hard to slowly push back my bed time but I get drawn into whatever I’m doing and time disappears.
Thank you again for sharing, and I hope this week is as.good as it can be for you and your family.
LikeLike
You’re welcome, Hamish. I know that feeling well. There never seem to be enough hours in the day. But sleep is very important and should be near the top of our lists 🙂
LikeLike