I’m a creature of excess. We can thank the OCD for that. I can’t do anything in moderation, that’s my default setting. I have no handbrake, it’s flat out on the accelerator, until I run out of petrol or crash into the nearest wall. Normally, the latter. Because of this, I’m an expert at screwing up perfectly good pastimes and pursuits. Harmless activities become tinged with danger and risk. I have to be so careful. So very careful.
I could go without a drink for a week, two weeks, a month. But when I did consume alcohol, I drank to get drunk. I could never see the point of going for one pint. I’d rather take a soft drink than that. It had to be 8, 10, 12, whatever it took to have me asleep in the corner of the room. I thought I was a great guy, the life and soul of the party. In actuality, I was an embarrassment, the person everyone else wanted to avoid.
It was the same with the running, social media, everything I turn my eye towards. I’ve also obsessed over work, religion, my appearance, celebrities, you name it. The difference today is that I recognise this flaw in me. I’m aware of my inability to control these urges when they get their claws into me. Otherwise they drag me under and I become nothing like the person I want to be. I become consumed by the obsession.
I’m a warning sign to others, a red flag that must be waved. Do you recognise yourself in any of the above? Are you creeping from a place of comfort and enjoyment to one of extremes, somewhere you don’t want to be, but keep edging towards?Enthusiasm and passion are to be applauded, but beware the darker side of the coin. Lines are drawn for a reason, don’t cross them unless you are fully aware of the dangers on the other side.