I returned to my current book this week after a two month hiatus where we eyed each other uneasily on a daily basis. I finished the first draft of it in mid-December, over two weeks ahead of schedule, having studiously worked on it every day for three months. When I finish the first draft I like to step away from it and take a break before I start the editing process. This has been a longer than normal break though so I was glad to finally drag myself back to the keyboard.
I’m not sure why it was such a long break this time round. The plan was to get back into it after Christmas but January dragged into February and now, here we are, almost in March. I really have no excuses. My office is shut due to the ongoing pandemic so I’ve been working from home. There have been no distractions, nothing to stop me from devoting sizeable chunks of time to the manuscript. It just hasn’t happened and I can only attribute that to lockdown fatigue.
Northern Ireland is now in its ninth week of current restrictions. Shops, bars and restaurants are all closed. There are no after-school activities to run the kids to and from because there is no school. We currently have three bored, restless teenagers homeschooling and it’s a long, hard slog. It’s so easy to sink into a rut, go through the motions, and wish for the end of a seemingly endless day. Our leaders talk of a light at the end of the tunnel but they’ve been saying that for a year now.
We become demotivated. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed, let alone wash and put on clothes. I barely run now, a far cry from my marathon-crunching heyday. My blogging has been sporadic and, at times, half-hearted as I struggle to find anything even remotely interesting to write about. I’ve been reading a lot but every book makes me doubt myself more, wondering why I’m even bothering anymore. Every NY Times bestseller I read convinces me that I’m never going to have a NY Times bestseller.
It’s a vicious circle. Part of me is scared of this return to normality being pronounced as the vaccine cavalry come thundering over the hill. The thought of going back to work every day, commuting to and from Belfast, frightens me. What if I’ve forgotten how to do my job? What if I can’t do it anymore. My running and writing have fallen by the wayside so what if this is next. I’ve become comfortable in my enforced bubble, I don’t know if I want to leave it quite yet.
But I’ve taken a step. I opened the dreaded laptop three days ago and started to read. Chapters I wrote almost six months ago, plots and characters I barely remember creating. And you know what? It wasn’t too bad. Yes, it needs tweaking and polishing but it’s okay, it’s alright, it’s not bad. I won’t have to hit delete and start over. It has the makings of a book, another stone in the legacy I’m trying to build for my family. The bug is back, I want to see it published, I want to write and push myself again. I’ve burst the bubble.
Black Thoughts 
Good for you. My concerns is that what you are feeling, without going all conspiracy theories, is what they may be trying to create. I see too many people feeling the same way that you just described.
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Thank you Rebecca. Hope you are keeping safe and well 🙂
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You’ve got a boatload of loose ends to tie up from that second book! Take your time with the editing, and please, please deliver a convincing conclusion!
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Thank you Eric. Any in particular requiring my urgent attention? 😬
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The first step is often the hardest. Good luck with the editing. We’re all waiting to see what happens… 😊
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Thank you 😊
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I hear you! I feel the exact same way. I want things to change but I am afraid of the change as well. Hang in there. We are nowhere near as locked down as you described, but the depression is still very real. Good luck
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Thank you. Hopefully better times ahead for all of us 🙂
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The pandemic, coupled with a seemingly longer winter this year, has had me adrift in malaise and boredom. Like you I have been doing a lot more reading but nothing had been able to break me out of this awful funk I was in. Happily, also like you, I am beginning to feel a new breath, an awakening. I still feel as though I have nothing worthwhile to say or to blog about. But that is lifting. I am glad you have dusted off the laptop and able to get back at it. Wishing you all the best, and your whole family too.
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Thank you Carol. Please don’t give up your writing 🙂
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I’ve just been feeling like I have nothing to say that’s worth reading. It will pass, soon, I hope. 🙂
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🙂🙏🏻
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In times like these, it’s easiest to just be glad for movement. Progress. As for me, I don’t worry about pace so much. Just making progress toward my goal is good enough on some days. Keep it up!
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Thank you and wishing you well 🙂
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Yes! Oh my gosh this was such an inspirational an uplifting post for me as I seem to have slumped into the bubble as well. Also, as author to author I can commiserate with the “my-books-never-gonna-be-good-enough” feeling. Dreadful feeling that I’m going through as well, though Hope Will Conquer! Thank you for sharing!
-Ireland must be beautiful in the winter!
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Thank you Maggie. It’s a great place to live, yes. Keep writing. You’ll get there 🙂
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Congrats. That bubble has thick skin! Glad you could bust it open!
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Thank you 😊
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Procastination is something that has definitely increased in the lockdown
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Most definitely. But I’m still writing 😬
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Haha
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👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾Good for you man👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾keep going
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You are not alone, Stephen. Stay present, enjoy the moments when you can. Your passion for creative writing may feel dormant at times, but trust the ebb and flow.
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Thank you Melanie. How are you? I haven’t heard from you in ages 😊
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Talk soon 😉
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I’m good, Stephen–all things considered. We have to take one day at a time 🙂 It’s great to hear you are still writing and still blogging. Writing has always been a friend to me, even when everything else feels broken.
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Thank you. Yes, I have three books published now. Have you been writing at all?
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Only in my journals. It’s been a challenging time for me–mentally and emotionally, getting into the flow of a very demanding job. I am just starting to come up for air after about 6 months of concentrated focus on little else. I posted on my blog yesterday if you are interested…
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Yes. What’s the link?
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veganflavorista.wordpress.com
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Thank you 😊
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Go you! (That sounded less patronising in my head 😆) But seriously, kudos to you for getting back into it and knowing that you’re a good wordsmith. The line, “All writing is rewriting” comes to mind when I think about editing. You’ve dived back in and you’re getting stuck in! Hearing about other authors working their way through the editing process encourages me to dive back into my own editing! So thank You!
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You are not the only one who took a brake from writing. I took two weeks off. Now I got to get back to the swing of things.
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