I collected my new glasses this morning, an event of great excitement, as my old pair have been held together by masking tape and the power of prayer for several months now. Masking tape that has been gradually unraveling no mater how many times I reapplied it, giving me the look of a slightly deranged librarian to be avoided by the general public at all costs. Do not approach this man, I repeat, do not approach.
The difference in prescription was a bit overwhelming at first. Everything looked bigger and brighter making me feel I was coming down from a particularly bad acid trip. Not that I’ve had a particularly bad acid trip or any kind of acid trip for that matter. I was just using a little artistic license there. Apologies to all those who have had particularly bad, or even fair to middling, acid trips.
The new lenses are varifocal meaning I don’t have to hold a book to my nose now in order to be able to read it. Again this had been giving me an ‘avoid at all costs’ vibe on public transport which at least ensured I was always guaranteed a seat to myself. Very important, I’m sure you’ll agree, in these times of social distancing and heightened personal hygiene. I’m a new man. At least when it comes to my vision and reading style.
I’ve gone for the geek chic look with the frames. Chunky and black but not too chunky as I don’t want to be mistaken for an Irish Austin Powers. I also paid a little extra to have the lenses thinned. My eyesight is poor but I don’t want to be openly mocked in the street for looking like Mister Magoo. If you’re too young to know who that is I’m afraid you will have to google it as I’m off to read my Kindle like a normal human being.