I’ve been a bit under the weather of late. Yesterday I slept for 13 hours which is huge for me and utterly unnatural. I’ve been off for a while now. I came home from a gentle three mile walk the other day and felt like I had run a marathon. And I know that feeling having run 10 of them. I’ve been trying to keep running but a 5K now is a gargantuan effort whereas, before, it was a warm-up.
I’ve had my blood tested but it came back as normal. My cholesterol is slightly higher than usual but I put that down to the enforced lack of exercise. The ongoing lockdown has also meant more time at home with added snacking to pass the time. I’m not overly worried about it but it’s frustrating having such low energy levels. I get tired really easily. I don’t like being tired all the time.
It’s a funny phrase, ‘under the weather.’ As if I’m wandering about with a dark cloud shadowing my movements. Permanently in need of an umbrella in case the heavens open above and I’m soaked to the bone. And always keeping an eye out for a stray bolt of lightning frying me to a crisp. Feeling ‘under the weather’ denotes not being yourself, off your game and underperforming. I’ve ticked all three of these boxes this week.
These are boxes I don’t particularly want to tick at present but here I am and, as my son always says, ‘it is what it is.’ I have to accept my current predicament and adapt to it. At the minute I can’t run marathons. I need to be realistic and rest up. Fionnuala advised not even to take the dog for a walk around the village today and, as ever, she was right. I would have struggled and probably ended up ringing her to come rescue me.
I’m sure I’ll be fine again in a day or two, but it got me thinking. The entire planet seems to be under the weather these days and I’m not just talking about global warming. People are tired, frustrated and generally fed up. Our supposed leaders keep telling us that there’s light at the end of the tunnel and to hang in there for a little bit longer. Problem is, they’ve been telling us that for over a year now.
People are running out of patience. We can’t take out our annoyance on a faceless, uncaring virus so we take it out on each other. Social media has become increasingly toxic in recent months and the lack of tolerance and respect has been jaw-dropping at times. What happened to robust, reasoned debate? I remember the days when you could agree to disagree and shake hands without being at each other’s throats.
Many talk of looking forward to getting back to normal but will it ever be the same again, and I’m not just talking about mask wearing and social distancing. Will we be the same again? I can only speak for myself but I feel battered, bruised and more than a little broken. Not my body but my soul, my spirit, whatever you want to call it. I see things differently now. Priorities and values have changed.
Change is part of life, I know that. Personally I’m always a bit wary of it but I know it is necessary and is often healthy and constructive. I’m not so sure this time though. So much division and ill-feeling. Hatred and malice have replaced kindness and compassion. We have hardened as a race and it’s not a pretty sight. I hope I’m wrong but I fear for the future, I really do.