There is a voice inside me that tells me I’m no good. It tells me I’ve never been and I never will be. It’s always there. Sometimes as a barely perceptible whisper, other times a deafening, all-consuming roar. But it’s there. It always has been, no mater what I say or do. It’s part of me, embedded so deeply within, that I doubt I’ll ever be able to rip it out and be free of its insistent, poisonous presence.
There is a voice inside me that tells me I’m a fraud. A fake, a failure, a fool. No matter what I achieve, that will always be the case. I can scale the highest personal peaks but it won’t amount to a hill of beans. For it’s all a show, an act, a hopeless attempt to paint a picture to the world that is both false and futile. Anyone with an iota of common sense will see through the facade eventually, see me for who I truly am.
There is a voice inside that tells me I’m disliked. For when people see through the facade, they encounter the real me. The me I’ve been trying to conceal for all these years. Scratch just beneath the surface and it’s there for them to see. They gasp, shake their heads, and walk away. The door is slammed in my face and the key turned in the lock. The bridge is burnt, the game is up, as I’m left battered and bruised outside in the biting cold.
There is a voice inside me that tells me I’m a joke. Always on the outside, looking in. They screw their noses up at my futile efforts to be noticed, acknowledged, respected. I had my chance and blew it, I’m a pathetic inconvenience now. I’m that annoying bluebottle that nobody wants to share a room with. I know this and they know this, yet still I make a nuisance of myself. An embarrassment, really. They wish I’d go away.
There is a voice inside me that tells me it was over before it even began. It was never meant to be because I don’t deserve it, no matter how hard I strive. This is the price I must pay. But still I persevere, I refuse to give up for, if I do, then it truly is over. It will all have been in vain and I will be left with nothing but the voice. To keep me company, just the two of us, for the rest of my days.