The Ramblings Of A Madman

I showed Fionnuala, my wife, the mindmap I’ve created for my latest book, which is being sent to my publisher this weekend. It’s a mish-mash of dense, barely legible handwritten notes traversed with arrows, squiggles and various other bizarre markings. She took one look at it and declared it was ‘the ramblings of a madman.’ I think that’s possibly the nicest thing she’s ever said to me in the 25 years we’ve been together.

I get the mad bit and I’ve spent much of my adult life thinking I’m a ‘madman.’ I’ve always been a bit odd and often think my brain is hardwired slightly differently from the rest of the world. It was only when I was diagnosed with OCD that I realised there was a reason for the dark and peculiar thoughts that traversed my mental pathways. That’s when I began to recognise this perceived weakness as a potential strength.

I always felt I was on the outside looking in but then stopped and took in my surroundings. The outside is a less crowded place and it allowed me the time and space to create. I started to write and found I was half decent at it. I saw a clear pathway to where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. As opposed to rambling and meandering, I was suddenly supplied with direction and focus. I had to step off the beaten path to find the road I was destined to travel.

My mind used to be a hostile, alien landscape where I feared to tread. There were no signposts and I rarely knew where I was headed. I was a loose cannon, a wrecking ball of anxiety and indecision, destined to fail at whatever my latest ‘great idea’ happened to be; I was the master of my own demise. It was only when my eyes were opened to who I truly was that I began to tentatively feel my way towards a sense of self-acceptance and calm.

So, I may still be a ‘madman’ to some but I no longer ramble. I step forward now with purpose and intent. Niggles of self-doubt might still rear their ugly heads from time to time, but my days of wandering aimlessly are long gone. What’s more, you can do the same. Take that first step today. If you need to get help, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for it. Walk your path. Start your journey. Today.

Published by Fractured Faith Blog

We are Stephen and Fionnuala and this is our story. We live in Northern Ireland, have been married for 17 years and have three kids - Adam, Hannah and Rebecca. We hope that our story will inspire and encourage others. We have walked a rocky road yet here we are today, together and stronger than ever. We are far from perfect and our faith has been battered and bruised. But an untested faith is a pointless faith. Just as a fractured faith is better than none at all. We hope you enjoy the blog.

12 thoughts on “The Ramblings Of A Madman

  1. Love this! Thank you for being an inspiration to those of us with mental health issues. For me, mainly anxiety and ADHD. When I was diagnosed 10 years ago with ADHD, my whole life had a meaning. I finally understood all of my actions as a child and how I dealt with others as an adult. I felt I had been set free. Self discovery seems to be a never ending journey.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Bravo, bravo Stephen! This post is so motivational! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I have often felt like you in my life. I just haven’t “fit”. I have some OCD tendencies and after my brain injury…we’ll, I’m just glad to find likeminded madpeople 😉 out there. I love this! You’re an inspiration! 🙌🏻🌟✨

    Liked by 1 person

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