Northern Ireland reached a historic milestone this week when it was announced that a million people had now received their first COVID vaccination. Not bad for our wee country which has an adult population of approximately 1.5 million. Added to that, over 1/2 million have now received both doses, offering up to 95% protection againstContinue reading “Are You Willing To Risk Your Life?”
Tag Archives: death
Show A Little Respect
Yesterday a very old lady lost the man she had loved for over 80 years, her rock, the one who had stood by her side through unimaginable highs and lows. His Royal Highness Prince Philip, Duke Of Edinburgh, passed away at Windsor Castle. A nation went into mourning and accolades and tributes flooded in fromContinue reading “Show A Little Respect”
The 12 Blogs Of Christmas #6
OCD doesn’t go away at Christmas, just like COVID-19 and Brexit didn’t go away either. Christmas is a time when we are expected to switch off and take a break from the rat race, to leave all our troubles behind for a few priceless days. We forget about our trifling troubles and focus on friendsContinue reading “The 12 Blogs Of Christmas #6”
What If Jesus Was A Plumber?
Good Morning from a chilly Northern Ireland. A particularly chilly Northern Ireland as our heating boiler packed in earlier this week, meaning we’ve been slowly freezing to death, huddled around electric radiators and under mountains of blankets. We’ve been waddling around like Eskimos in multiple layers as the gales howled outside. The highlight of theContinue reading “What If Jesus Was A Plumber?”
Better Times Ahead?
It’s been a busy, busy week and I’ve been in the office battling to make a deadline that was thrust upon me at the 11th hour. Thankfully I made it but something has had to give so my blogging schedule has sadly gone awry. I don’t like neglecting the WordPress community as it’s where IContinue reading “Better Times Ahead?”
Good Morning From Northern Ireland
Good Morning from Northern Ireland. These are the words I always start my day with on Twitter so I thought, why not start doing the same on WordPress. It’s a great way to initiate conversations and create new online friendships. You get to meet folk from all corners of the world and learn more aboutContinue reading “Good Morning From Northern Ireland”
Breathe Kindness Into The Lives Of Others
Whenever I’m doubting myself, something or someone tends to come along to bolster my crumbling confidence. Take this morning for example. A review landed on my Twitter feed at just the right time, cheering me up no end. Words like these are oxygen to a writer, they erase the doubting voice that is a frequentContinue reading “Breathe Kindness Into The Lives Of Others”
Death Keeps Me Alive
Death keeps me alive. Let me rephrase that, the thought of death inspires me to live. I hit the ‘big 50’ in April, a total game changer in more ways than one. It was difficult not to react by thinking time was running out, as opposed to I have all the time in the world.Continue reading “Death Keeps Me Alive”
OCD – The Silent Killer
I have OCD and I’m not in control. There, I’ve said it, that wasn’t so hard was it? Even a few years ago, I would have veered clear of ‘outing’ myself and identifying with the mental illness. It was embarrassing, shameful and humiliating. But the longer I’ve walked this path, I’ve realised I have aContinue reading “OCD – The Silent Killer”
Don’t Suffer In Silence
I fear I’m getting old. For everything hurts. A lot. Take last Saturday for example. I bent over in the kitchen to put some rubbish in the bin, only to discover I couldn’t stand up straight again. A sharp pain in the base of my back ensured that. Hobbling over to a nearby chair myContinue reading “Don’t Suffer In Silence”
Signs Of Life
I’m not saying life in lockdown is dull. For if I did then I’m sure Fionnuala could find plenty of household chores to occupy my time. But the days do tend to drag. I had to ask this morning what day of the week it was. By necessity, we find ourselves staring out of ourContinue reading “Signs Of Life”
Nothing Is Normal Anymore
What would we do without Netflix? That’s been the joyous cry from many households in recent months as millions have battled through the lockdown experience by binging on their favourite movies and TV shows. Old favourites, new gems and those series you’ve always meant to finish but never quite had the time. Time is allContinue reading “Nothing Is Normal Anymore”
Social Media Blackout
See you all tomorrow.
Happy Birthday Fractured Faith
Seems like no time but the blog is now three years old. That’s a lot of posts. Some of you have been there from the start, some have joined along the journey, others have disappeared into the ether. We are grateful for everyone who continues to read and comment. As long as that continues IContinue reading “Happy Birthday Fractured Faith”
Should I Blog More?
Eight miles yesterday, out to the shores of Lough Neagh and back. The sun continues to shine in Northern Ireland although a cool breeze was most welcome on the return journey. The country roads were quiet apart from the occasional fellow runner, cyclist or dog walker. Dogs must be loving lockdown, they’ve never been walkedContinue reading “Should I Blog More?”
OCD In A Time Of Plague
Yesterday was a struggle. It dragged interminably and a restlessness descended upon the house; a sense of boredom and frustration. There was plenty to do, chore wise, but we lacked the motivation and desire to launch into any new tasks. Personally, I could sense obsessive thoughts circling my carefully constructed defences like vultures hovering overContinue reading “OCD In A Time Of Plague”
Toxic Positivity – What Is It?
I stumbled across this image earlier on Facebook and it got me thinking; or rather accelerated something I had already been mulling over in my head. It was a hammer that nailed a series of loose thoughts into a cogent steam. Toxic positivity. It exists, it’s a real thing, not just the product of myContinue reading “Toxic Positivity – What Is It?”
Walk Away
No words needed. Walk away.
Care Enough To Look
No words needed. People with mental illnesses may not have broken bones but they have broken dreams, broken minds and broken hearts. Their illnesses may be invisible but the signs are there if you take the time to look for them. The onus is on you to reach out to them, not for them toContinue reading “Care Enough To Look”
Don’t Be Afraid To Start Over
When I started this blog, I started all over again. Turned my back on the past and threw my energy into new passions. Almost three years later, I’ve published two books and completed a third. I’m training for my tenth marathon and been promoted at work. I’ve living the happiest & healthiest life I can.Continue reading “Don’t Be Afraid To Start Over”
The Right Ones Will Always Stay
Good Morning WordPress. A short word today. It took me a long time to learn this lesson, but learn it I did. Have you?
The End Of Your World
I missed the early train by about thirty seconds this morning. It was so early the ticket office, which provides a modicum of shelter, was closed so I cut a sorry sight on the platform. The wind picked up, the temperature dropped and wicked blasts of snow cut across me as I faced an interminableContinue reading “The End Of Your World”
RIP Kobe Bryant
It’s Ok Not To Be Ok
Good Morning WordPress. If you’re struggling today, then please be brave and speak to someone about it. Don’t be ashamed. Protect your mental health. It’s your wealth.
Happy World Introvert Day
It’s World Introvert Day. I never knew such a day existed until it popped up on my Facebook feed this morning. Who decides these days? Is there a committee somewhere locked away in a conference room debating such important matters? I can only assume there’s also a World Extrovert Day, no doubt shouted from theContinue reading “Happy World Introvert Day”
Thank you
Another very encouraging review from fellow blogger, Lesley. Thank you very much for so eloquently capturing the essence of Skelly’s Square. I tried hard to address very serious and real issues against a supernatural backdrop liberally smattered with action and humour. The book continues to attract positive feedback while promoting mental health, disability, addiction andContinue reading “Thank you”
Who Is Your Lighthouse?
It was a murky lunchtime run today which highlighted the lighthouse exhibit on Belfast Lough. I focused on it from some distance away and it inspired me to keep pressing forward through the blustery, wet conditions. Most other days I would have run past it without a second thought but it was there for meContinue reading “Who Is Your Lighthouse?”
I’ve Had An Anxious Week
I’ve had an anxious few days worrying about work related matters. It started towards the tail end of last week and preyed on my mind over the weekend, before descending again from on high like a hungry vulture on Monday morning. Various unwanted thoughts have spun a not so merry dance around my head despiteContinue reading “I’ve Had An Anxious Week”
5 Things To Quit Right Now
I’ve been guilty of all five and can confirm they are all counter productive and highly negative behavioural patterns. Today I choose to change and walk a different path. A path that leads upwards, out of the abyss. It is possible but it’s a conscious decision we must make every day of our own volition.Continue reading “5 Things To Quit Right Now”
If I Hadn’t Seen Such Riches I Could Live With Being Poor
Today I woke up tired. I’m a middle aged father of three teenage kids. It’s what I do. Today I woke up sore. I’m training for a marathon next year. My tenth no less. At the minutes this necessitate 30 mile weeks. My knee hurts. My back hurts. I’m sore. Today I woke up withoutContinue reading “If I Hadn’t Seen Such Riches I Could Live With Being Poor”
Fractured Faith Is 1000 Posts Old
Today marked our 1000th post on Fractured Faith. We started the blog back in May 2017 and, back then, had no idea what to expect. Fionnuala encouraged me to share my writing with the online world as both a form of personal therapy and to encourage others that there is always hope, no matter howContinue reading “Fractured Faith Is 1000 Posts Old”
Never Forget
Never, ever forget….
OCD Awareness Week
Don’t be alone. Speak to someone.
World Mental Health Day
No words required….
Disturbing, Unwanted Thoughts
I was watching a trailer for a movie last night, one where a huge tsunami was bearing down on a Japanese beach. Initially it was a distant speck, barely visible to the thousands of sun bathers enjoying their day on the golden sands. An idyllic scene, where families laughed and played innocently unaware of theContinue reading “Disturbing, Unwanted Thoughts”
How Is Your Mental Health Today?
I periodically revisit regular questions on the blog and this is one very close to my heart. It’s a topic I feel we are often too frightened or embarrassed to talk about, we duck the issue or brush it under the carpet for another day. We are all too quick to share our physical achesContinue reading “How Is Your Mental Health Today?”
We Are Here For You
Excited as I was last month at the continued growth of the blog, I was even more thrilled yesterday to realise we had broken our monthly views figure again in August. With a day to spare, no less. Yes, 14,000 of you clicked the view button on a FracturedFaithBlog post. Or maybe 7 of youContinue reading “We Are Here For You”
Don’t Live Forever, Live For Now
25 years ago Oasis released ‘Definitely Maybe.’ Hearing this announced on the news this morning made me feel very old. It also brought memories of listening to the album on my ancient CD Walkman while walking to my first ‘proper’ job all those years ago. I was incredibly nervous but the music helped me toContinue reading “Don’t Live Forever, Live For Now”
We Need Your Feedback
The blog passed 11,000 followers the other day and it’s growth continues to amaze and delight me. I don’t know why people keep coming back to view, like and comment but I’m forever grateful. At each milestone, I like to ask you guys what you want from the blog in the future. As well as,Continue reading “We Need Your Feedback”
Anxiety Is A Killer
Anxiety is a killer. It kills your present and lays waste to your future, cutting a bloody swathe through your plans and hopes. It is a creeping, niggling death of a thousand cuts, nibbling away at the fringes of your confidence and self belief. It is slow, excruciating but it is there from the momentContinue reading “Anxiety Is A Killer”
Reasons To Stay Alive – The Now
I wish it was this time next month. I would be on my summer leave. I’d have another stressful job interview behind me. My book would be published. I’m anxious about the latter two. Very anxious. The next month could be one of the most important of my life. In so many ways. It’s aContinue reading “Reasons To Stay Alive – The Now”
Everywhere You Go….
I don’t know what it’s like in your little corner of the world but, when all else fails in Northern Ireland, we talk about the weather. We talk about the weather A LOT. I say talk but it’s more complain. It’s either (mostly) too wet but then we moan when it’s too dry as it’sContinue reading “Everywhere You Go….”
The Enemy Within
The Olympic Flame goes out more than Fionnuala and I. It’s the joy of having three hatchlings which are a constant strain on our time and finances. Even when we do have an opportunity we are normally incapable of doing much more than slumping on the sofa and getting caught up on our favourite TVContinue reading “The Enemy Within”
The Hangover Dream
As recurring dreams go, the ‘hangover dream’ is top of the pile. I have had it on a semi regular basis since my decision to give up drinking alcohol six years ago. I would say I haven’t looked back since, except that’s not strictly accurate. The hangover dream is testimony. An unwelcome reminder of whatContinue reading “The Hangover Dream”
Man Vomits Casually Outside Bar
Catchy title, huh? But there I was, hurrying through the city centre to catch my train home when I beheld this wondrous sight. A very respectable looking middle aged man, standing outside a bar smoking a cigarette and checking his phone messages. Nothing to see here, folks. Perfectly normal. Next thing, however, he casually leansContinue reading “Man Vomits Casually Outside Bar”
Are You Alone? Then Read This
I joined Twitter a couple of months ago to promote my (currently) non existent writing career. I used to be a bit of a whizz on Twitter back in the day. I held court on it and waxed lyrical to my army of adoring followers. My dry, yet achingly witty and intelligent, tweets won meContinue reading “Are You Alone? Then Read This”
Sins of the Father
Sins of the Father https://thewisewordsproject.com/2019/01/28/sins-of-the-father/ — Read on thewisewordsproject.com/2019/01/28/sins-of-the-father/ I was approached some weeks ago by http://thewisewordsproject.com and asked to write a piece for their website. Here it is, a tale of two great men, and the third who connects them. Thank you to the website for giving me the opportunity to write for them.Continue reading “Sins of the Father”
I Interviewed A Dying Man….
I interviewed a dying man once. I was visibly shocked when he calmly informed me that this was the case. He mentioned it as you would the weather, or how shocking the train service has been of late. It was matter of fact, making conversation, a throwaway comment. To many, that sounds as if heContinue reading “I Interviewed A Dying Man….”
Would You Be Missed If You Didn’t Get Out Of Bed Today?
We woke up to vile weather this morning. It was cold, dark, wet and windy. Standard Northern Irish weather. Which made getting up to go to work an even less pleasurable experience than normal. Yet, still we get up and stumble wearily into the day ahead. We front up to any number of monotonous, mundaneContinue reading “Would You Be Missed If You Didn’t Get Out Of Bed Today?”
Choosing Grace Over The Grave
I’m going to a leaving function after work today. I usually avoid these events like the plague but it is for two members of my team, who are moving on to other positions within the organisation. It would ‘look bad’ therefore, if I didn’t ‘show my face.’ Excitement has been building in the office allContinue reading “Choosing Grace Over The Grave”
Where Is The God Of My Father?
Where is the God of my Father Who rescued the lame and the blind? Where is the God of my Father Who poured healing oil on my mind? Kill the will Take the pill Numb the thrill Make me still. Synaptic relapse Serotonin collapse Raging impasse Stifling morass. So taste the drill Run the millContinue reading “Where Is The God Of My Father?”
Why I Need To Start Reading My Bible Again
I’m as blind as a bat. Seriously. Since I was nine, I’ve had to wear glasses. I remember the first day they were unveiled to the ahem….watching world in Mrs. Robinson’s P5 class. I broke down in tears as the entire class turned as one to gawk at my oh so stylish National Health ServiceContinue reading “Why I Need To Start Reading My Bible Again”
When God Falls Silent
It is written Mitigation Twisting truths To quote verbatim Spare the child And spoil the rod Worshiping Your silent god. Verses, Curses Robed Subversives Empty hearts Yet flowing purses Holy men with hollow souls Break the rules, you pay the toll Creaking bridges Lurking trolls Faster, Faster Master, Master Bend the knee To plastic pastors.
I’m A Bit Broken
I’m a bit broken Words rarely spoken The truth Tastes so bitter and strange, clay emotions. Barely alive Rotten inside Dead to a world Where I once loved and thrived. Cursed with routines Obsessive dreams Compulsive acts Mask stifling screams. Speculate, ruminate Gnaw, then regurgitate Cyclical sickness These images dominate. Falling apart An effortless artContinue reading “I’m A Bit Broken”
I Am Sic
I am sic Nervous tic Binge and purge This endless urge. Odd Erroneous Out of place Unworthy of the human race. Worthy of comment Worthless, I vomit Bird in a cage From the rope I will plummet. Dead to his Word Alive to their world Baptised in blood Yet drowned in the flood. No peaceContinue reading “I Am Sic”
This Is Me. This Is OCD.
This is me. This is OCD. For it lies. It plants unwanted thoughts in your head. We all have these thoughts. Did I leave the oven on? Why do I need to touch that tap seven times? What would happen if I let go of the steering wheel? The list goes on. Here’s the goodContinue reading “This Is Me. This Is OCD.”
What Are You Hungry For?
Saturday was the start of the new rugby season, so Fionnuala and I hugged the touchline, to watch Adam play for his college against one of the big Belfast schools. Unfortunately they lost, but didn’t go down without a fight. Adam had a great game and scored his team’s only try. I thought he wasContinue reading “What Are You Hungry For?”
Do You Write Truthfully?
Coming from Northern Ireland I have an accent, just like we all have accents. It’s not the broadest of accents. While I work in Belfast, I’m a bit of a country boy having been raised in the market town of Omagh in the west of the country. So basically my accent is a bit ofContinue reading “Do You Write Truthfully?”
How Are You Really Feeling Today?
This may come across as a bit personal but I’m asking the question anyway – how are you feeling today? Sad? Happy? Worried? Hopeful? Every day of our lives we are exposed to a diverse range of scenarios which impact upon our mood and outlook on life. These can be temporary and superficial or moreContinue reading “How Are You Really Feeling Today?”
Make Every Blog Count
The deeper I immerse myself in the book I am currently writing the more concerned I become about the quality of my blogging. I worry that I’ll only be able to make so many trips to the literary well before it runs dry and I am left bereft of ideas and words to pour outContinue reading “Make Every Blog Count”
Do Christians And Three Legged Dogs Go To Hell?
The man over the bridge has 16 dogs. He used to have 16 3/4 dogs but the old three legged one that used to lag behind the others has gone to doggy heaven. Do three legged dogs get their other leg back when they go to heaven? I’d like to think they do. I haveContinue reading “Do Christians And Three Legged Dogs Go To Hell?”
I ‘Forgot’ To Take My Meds
Last week I ran out of the medication which I take for OCD. 20mg of Escitaloprem has kept me on an even keel these last six years or so. One of them a day and Stephen is content. They prevent the slavering, starving wolf that is OCD from clawing at my front door and blowingContinue reading “I ‘Forgot’ To Take My Meds”
What Do You Wish You Had Written About Today?
People often compliment me on my honest writing style. They ask me how do I do it as they could never be that open and upfront about their lives. They use words like ‘refreshing’ which I like as honesty is a refreshing attribute in today’s world. I’m not talking about liars here but, rather, peopleContinue reading “What Do You Wish You Had Written About Today?”
I’ve Got The DOMS – Part One
Regular readers will know that I’m a distance runner. Ask me to run 10 miles, or 26.2 miles for that matter, and I will dutifully churn out the 9 minute miles until the job is done. Four years of this self imposed torture has meant I have developed strong leg muscles. But don’t worry. I’mContinue reading “I’ve Got The DOMS – Part One”
Ghosts From The Past
When I was aged around 12 I developed a facial twitch. The severity and frequency of this twitch would depend upon my anxiety levels at any given moment. I was a painfully shy and insecure young boy so it will come as no surprise that I was bullied at school about this by my peers.Continue reading “Ghosts From The Past”
Unreality Television
A reality TV show called ‘Love Island’ has taken over U.K. television this summer. A dozen muscle bound hunks and bikini clad models are lumped together in a villa on a Mediterranean island where their every move is filmed for our viewing entertainment. Romance blossoms and hearts are broken. Everyone has perfect bodies, perfect tansContinue reading “Unreality Television”
Book Title Reveal – Part 1
Good Morning. It’s the hottest day of the year so far in Northern Ireland with temperatures pushing 30 degrees celsius. How our pasty bodies are going to cope I have no idea but I thought I’d make the most of the beautiful weather to showcase some of the city scenes that have inspired me forContinue reading “Book Title Reveal – Part 1”
Lunchtime In Belfast
So it’s Monday lunchtime and I’m sitting outside the office in the square basking in the warm sunshine. They are predicting a heatwave this week and word has it that Thursday could be the hottest day on record in Northern Ireland. Like ever! All around me office workers are sitting eating their lunches while touristsContinue reading “Lunchtime In Belfast”
Isn’t It Time You Moved On?
I wasn’t really in the mood to work on the book last night. It had been a long day and I was tired. I forced myself, however, to open my laptop and start editing. The chapter in question was one of the first I had written, some six months ago. I knew it would needContinue reading “Isn’t It Time You Moved On?”
What Are You Afraid To Blog About Today?
Whenever I scan my WordPress timeline I see a lot of courage. I see broken people talking honestly about their experiences. I see them being open about their flaws and weaknesses. I see a community supporting and encouraging one another through the healing process, one faltering step at at time. I see second, third andContinue reading “What Are You Afraid To Blog About Today?”
On The Cusp
For years I was a closed book, lying on a shelf gathering dust and regret. My pages were tinged with poison; dare to leaf through them and you would have been contaminated with my anger and grief. So I hid my pain, burying it deep down a well wherein I dwelled. For I was unwell,Continue reading “On The Cusp”
Thoughts On Death
Our family has been touched by death these last few weeks. It has sparked a flurry of emotions in us all – emotions so deep and diverse that I could blog about them until the end of the year and still not have covered everything. Yet none of them matter an iota when it comesContinue reading “Thoughts On Death”
Still turning the knife
Last weekend saw the passing of my father and just as I had wrote a nice blog about him trying not to focus on the bad memories he managed to turn the knife yet again. Just when I thought he couldn’t hurt me anymore he did. My mum, my brothers and their families, myself, StephenContinue reading “Still turning the knife”
The Familiar
I woke before five this morning. It has been a long, hard week of on call duties so you would have thought the weekend would be a time to relax and unwind; to catch up on those lost hours of sleep. Not a bit of it. So here I am writing this post before IContinue reading “The Familiar”
On Call 24/7/365
I go on on call this morning for the next seven days. On a meh scale of 1-10 this scores a 47.757 in my book but unfortunately it’s part of the job and, to be fair, I do get paid well for it. That doesn’t make it any less of a pain, however. Extra pressure,Continue reading “On Call 24/7/365”
Don’t Press That Button
There is a scene in The Simpsons where Homer finds himself facing a big red button with a large ‘Do Not Touch’ sign above it. You can see his tiny brain wrestling with temptation before he finally cracks and presses the button. Predictably enough, all hell breaks loose. DOH! Homer once again proves himself toContinue reading “Don’t Press That Button”
Morior Invictus
The paths of the dead Are where we must tread To vanquish the demons Who reign in our head Death itches and twitches Denying us riches Our God given right Morior Invictus Yet I fear it not For X marks the spot New treasures revealed And an end to the rot.
Dear Daddy
As I write this you are living the last days of your life and I am grieving for a father and a life that I never had and this makes me sad. Growing up was hard. When I look back on my childhood I do not have any happy memories that involve you and thisContinue reading “Dear Daddy”
We Lost A Friend Today
This was meant to be a weekend of celebrations. The Royal Wedding of Harry and Meghan and, more importantly for the men in the Black household, the small matter of the F.A. Cup Final at Wembley between the mighty Manchester United and the not so mighty Chelsea. Harry and William normally attend the final soContinue reading “We Lost A Friend Today”
At Least You Know Where You Stand With A Zombie
When it comes to scary movies I’ve never been one for vampires and werewolves. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve dipped my toe into the Twilight series. The werewolves do share our surname after all. But Bella did need a good shake by the end of it all and I was kind of hoping thatContinue reading “At Least You Know Where You Stand With A Zombie”
Why Do You Write?
Why do I bother? Why do I write? Why do I struggle with words every night? To convince all the wronged The despised and forlorn That they’re not alone and can survive the scorn. So I’m penning a story Of hope and redemption I’m screaming it loud so I’ll get your attention. You click andContinue reading “Why Do You Write?”
The Vultures Are Circling
Life can seem pretty perfect at times. Everything is trundling along just as it should be and we are enveloped in the comforting glow of permanent sunshine. We are in love and loved. We are healthy and bursting with positivity for the future. We have big plans and bigger dreams. Our family form a protectiveContinue reading “The Vultures Are Circling”
I’m Broken. Are You?
I’m broken. There I’ve said it. I’m in bits. And you know what. I’ve never felt so good. Why you may ask? Have you finally lost the plot, Stephen, and floated off to the land of fairies and pixie dust? Possibly but let me explain. Then if you still think I’ve lost my senses I’llContinue reading “I’m Broken. Are You?”
If Love Is A Mist….
If love is a mist Then I must persist For cords of affliction And wisps of addiction Are flogging my faith on a rack of derision. The demons are screaming Stop me from believing Oozing lies, succubi Leave me battered and bleeding. Their hunger is fed On the paths of the dead As my starved,Continue reading “If Love Is A Mist….”
Tell Them
I have had a crazy week work wise which meant I wasn’t able to post yesterday. But fear not, I’m back and normal service is resumed. However I’m very tired so don’t be expecting a Dickensian masterpiece today. More low expectations than great. Sorry, that was a terrible play on words. Let’s just forget IContinue reading “Tell Them”
Binge
Sometimes a word settles in my mind and refuses to budge. I suppose that’s the joy of writing. We get obsessed with words. They are our tools, the vehicles or medium through which we communicate our thoughts to the outside world. It’s my birthday at the end of the month (please no need for presents)Continue reading “Binge”
Swallow Your Pride. Swallow The Pill.
I have felt my mood spiralling steadily downwards throughout the week. This has trickled into my writing which has been largely negative and downbeat. I don’t apologise for this as I have always said I would write honestly on this blog. Those who choose to read it see the good, the bad and the frequentlyContinue reading “Swallow Your Pride. Swallow The Pill.”
For It Was Written Long Before You
I wear my heart upon my sleeve. Pick at the stitches, watch it bleed. I thought it contained all my needs. Yet I was wrong, so wrong and now. I watch the scarlet droplets one by one. Communion wine upon my tongue. The acrid fumes they fill my lungs. And I am done. I’m doneContinue reading “For It Was Written Long Before You”
Isn’t It Time You Stepped Out Of Your Tomb?
We all get buried alive at some point in our lives. It can be of our own doing or we may have been the unwitting victims of other people or circumstances beyond our control. Either way we come to our senses covered in dust and fumbling around in the darkness for some way out. TheContinue reading “Isn’t It Time You Stepped Out Of Your Tomb?”
What’s So Good About Friday?
What’s so good about Friday? What’s so good about life? What’s so good about lying, hatred, violence and strife? What’s so good about suffering? What’s so good about greed? Never learning our lessons Never realising our needs What’s so good about trying? What’s so good about loss? What’s so good about Jesus? Beaten and nailedContinue reading “What’s So Good About Friday?”
Scraps
Meet Charlie the Border Terrier. He’s the sixth member of the Black Clan. I thought he deserved a post written about him because 1. I’ve written about everyone else and didn’t want him feeling left out. Dogs have feelings too y’know and 2. He can’t write for himself like the others can. Dogs can’t writeContinue reading “Scraps”
Achilles Heel
Achilles heel. Scabbed. Won’t heal. Pick at it. Secrets revealed. Itching. Twisting. Tired of bitching. Peel it off and start again. Take the pain but what remains? Scarlet blood flows free and proud. Love and grace replace disgrace. Grit your teeth to save your face. Love again to run your race. Achilles heel. Tensed andContinue reading “Achilles Heel”
I’m A Christian But I’m Not Reading The Bible
Whenever I’ve asked people to describe my writing style the most frequent word I hear is ‘honesty’. For someone who had led such a dishonest existence for many years this is music to my years. So, in continuing my tradition of transparency and accountability, here’s another truth bomb for you all to chew on. I’mContinue reading “I’m A Christian But I’m Not Reading The Bible”
Death By Blogging
Today was largely spent chained to the laptop, revisiting and editing a number of chapters for the book. It was a graft and once again, as if I needed reminding, I realised what hard work writing can be. Some days the words just refuse to flow and you have to drag them kicking and screamingContinue reading “Death By Blogging”
I’m Out On My Feet
I’m out on my feet. Ideas replete. Shackled and stymied by lies and deceit. I’ve tried and I’ve failed. My dreams are derailed. My hopes on a ship that has long ago sailed. I’m struggling to think. Do I need a drink? Cowering from demons I thought long extinct. Their malice so plain as beforeContinue reading “I’m Out On My Feet”
For All Demons Bleed….
It’s all about me. I’m selfish you see. So vain and conceited, it’s all about me. I fight the urge, this endless dirge, the need to purge myself of me. My needs. They feed my brain. They inflict pain. I smother others with my greed. It sows the seeds which grow the roots which, whenContinue reading “For All Demons Bleed….”
All Fogs Are Temporary
My plans are in ruins! Now I’m not one to exaggerate but I had planned to go on my long run this morning only to awaken to a blanket of fog outside. A real pea souper even though that description never rang true with me as wouldn’t pea soup be green? And I’ve never seenContinue reading “All Fogs Are Temporary”
Ode To OCD #2
If silence cuts like a knife Then I have died the death of a thousand cuts at your hands Your scars have scarred me You have sliced me with your lies Strangled by our soul ties More lies You’ve broke me in two But I’ve broken me too Now I’m breaking on through To what?Continue reading “Ode To OCD #2”
For My Father
Yesterday I visited a grave with my mother. My father’s grave. We lost him eight years ago to prostate cancer, aged a very young sixty four. He had recently retired and was looking forward to traveling, gardening and voluntary work for his church and a number of charities he was involved in. He was aContinue reading “For My Father”
Ode To OCD #1
You let me binge And now I’m singed Unhinged. Swinging from the gallows that I constructed for You. As you look on The idle god of all you survey. You smile As I decay Dismayed and flayed. Splayed in my grave Of rotating routine.
I Hear Voices In My Head
I hear voices in my head. They wish me dead. I thought they’d fled. They’d bled me dry and left the scene; my life in tatters but never matter. You knew the score and we abhor the peace you crave. We’ll hunt you to the grave and never stop until you drop this holier thanContinue reading “I Hear Voices In My Head”
What’s So Super About Heroes?
Everybody needs a hero, right? Someone to look up to. They inspire us to aspire to become more than what we are. They move us to improve. And their very nature makes them super. Heroes cannot be anything but super. They perform at a level beyond our wildest dreams. They operate on a different planeContinue reading “What’s So Super About Heroes?”
The Past Is In Tatters
When I wonder I blunder. My dreams are ripped asunder and I’m dragged six feet under. Kicking and screaming, no longer dreaming. I was a dope to have hoped but now I am choked by the lies and the guilt and the shame. You see, I’m to blame. For the pain and the words flungContinue reading “The Past Is In Tatters”
2018 – The Year Of Death
I got a phrase in my head the other day. This happens from time to time. It’s hard to explain but it’s as if the phrase was not of me. I didn’t think it into existence, it came from elsewhere, as if someone or something else planted it in my mind. I’m not sure ifContinue reading “2018 – The Year Of Death”
Excess All Areas – Part One
I am a creature of excess. When I get involved in an activity that I am passionate about I have to take it to the nth degree. If there is a nth post graduate qualification, or possibly a masters option, then sign me up. I always take it to the limit, to the extreme, toContinue reading “Excess All Areas – Part One”
Stinking Thinking – Part Two
Follow me He said. So I did and it led me to them. I was hungry and needed fed, my starving soul craved sustenance like an addict craves the needle and the relief of release. I gorged on their manna but the more I think back, it wasn’t from heaven. This desire to please wasContinue reading “Stinking Thinking – Part Two”
Poker Face
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This is a mental illness whereby distressing, intrusive thoughts enter my head and refuse to leave. These are known as obsessions. The only temporary reprieve is to perform a physical or mental routine, the compulsion, in an attempt to force the intrusive thought from my mind. It invariably returns,Continue reading “Poker Face”
Stinking Thinking -Part 1
Look at me and what do you see? A husband, a father, a runner, a blogger. I hope that I am all these things and more. But not so long ago I saw myself differently. I saw a failure, a fraud, I worshipped false gods who gnawed at my flaws. Fixated on the din ofContinue reading “Stinking Thinking -Part 1”
Human Remains
As I walked through the city centre this morning I gingerly sidestep the discarded debris from the night before. The greasy pizza boxes frozen to the pavement and broken beer bottles glistening in the half light. Empty like the drunken revellers who had gorged upon them. Signs of lives that sparkled, then spluttered, across theContinue reading “Human Remains”
Bad Head Day
Today was a Bad Hair Day. A very Bad Hair Day. I would post a photo but I don’t want to scare any of you good, good people. You all deserve better than that. I’m not sure if it was my now infamous cap, the windy conditions or that I’m in desperate need of aContinue reading “Bad Head Day”
Why Do We Have Scars?
Why do we have scars? I mean really? If God is this all powerful being why does he allow them to exist? To blemish and defile the pinnacle of his creative powers. Mankind. Broken bones heal. Why don’t all wounds? The answer? Bones heal but scars reveal. They reveal where he have come from andContinue reading “Why Do We Have Scars?”
The Devil Wears Grey
Are you one of those people who sees the world only in black and white? Or do you know someone like that? A person who knows right from wrong, has their life totally sorted and knows exactly where they are headed? Who is 100% happy with their life? If you are one of those peopleContinue reading “The Devil Wears Grey”
Witches Road
They killed him on the Witches Road. Men with black masks and blacker hearts. Two rapid starbursts of white death lighting up the night sky as the silent, wooden sentinels looked impassively on. The body dumped at the roadside where his blood mixed freely with last nights discarded pizza crusts and tonic wine, the communionContinue reading “Witches Road”
For There Lurk Demons
Sometimes you hit a crossroads in life and I think I am there now. It has been an undulating and meandering route but I am there. So where do I go? The crossroads is barren and offers no clues as to the way ahead. There are no signposts or clues as to which road toContinue reading “For There Lurk Demons”
Black Thoughts
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