I have OCD and I’m not in control. There, I’ve said it, that wasn’t so hard was it? Even a few years ago, I would have veered clear of ‘outing’ myself and identifying with the mental illness. It was embarrassing, shameful and humiliating. But the longer I’ve walked this path, I’ve realised I have aContinue reading “OCD – The Silent Killer”
I fear I’m getting old. For everything hurts. A lot. Take last Saturday for example. I bent over in the kitchen to put some rubbish in the bin, only to discover I couldn’t stand up straight again. A sharp pain in the base of my back ensured that. Hobbling over to a nearby chair myContinue reading “Don’t Suffer In Silence”
I’m not saying life in lockdown is dull. For if I did then I’m sure Fionnuala could find plenty of household chores to occupy my time. But the days do tend to drag. I had to ask this morning what day of the week it was. By necessity, we find ourselves staring out of ourContinue reading “Signs Of Life”
Seems like no time but the blog is now three years old. That’s a lot of posts. Some of you have been there from the start, some have joined along the journey, others have disappeared into the ether. We are grateful for everyone who continues to read and comment. As long as that continues IContinue reading “Happy Birthday Fractured Faith”
Eight miles yesterday, out to the shores of Lough Neagh and back. The sun continues to shine in Northern Ireland although a cool breeze was most welcome on the return journey. The country roads were quiet apart from the occasional fellow runner, cyclist or dog walker. Dogs must be loving lockdown, they’ve never been walkedContinue reading “Should I Blog More?”
I stumbled across this image earlier on Facebook and it got me thinking; or rather accelerated something I had already been mulling over in my head. It was a hammer that nailed a series of loose thoughts into a cogent steam. Toxic positivity. It exists, it’s a real thing, not just the product of myContinue reading “Toxic Positivity – What Is It?”
No words needed. Walk away.
No words needed. People with mental illnesses may not have broken bones but they have broken dreams, broken minds and broken hearts. Their illnesses may be invisible but the signs are there if you take the time to look for them. The onus is on you to reach out to them, not for them toContinue reading “Care Enough To Look”
When I started this blog, I started all over again. Turned my back on the past and threw my energy into new passions. Almost three years later, I’ve published two books and completed a third. I’m training for my tenth marathon and been promoted at work. I’ve living the happiest & healthiest life I can.Continue reading “Don’t Be Afraid To Start Over”
Good Morning WordPress. A short word today. It took me a long time to learn this lesson, but learn it I did. Have you?
It’s World Introvert Day. I never knew such a day existed until it popped up on my Facebook feed this morning. Who decides these days? Is there a committee somewhere locked away in a conference room debating such important matters? I can only assume there’s also a World Extrovert Day, no doubt shouted from theContinue reading “Happy World Introvert Day”
Another very encouraging review from fellow blogger, Lesley. Thank you very much for so eloquently capturing the essence of Skelly’s Square. I tried hard to address very serious and real issues against a supernatural backdrop liberally smattered with action and humour. The book continues to attract positive feedback while promoting mental health, disability, addiction andContinue reading “Thank you”
It was a murky lunchtime run today which highlighted the lighthouse exhibit on Belfast Lough. I focused on it from some distance away and it inspired me to keep pressing forward through the blustery, wet conditions. Most other days I would have run past it without a second thought but it was there for meContinue reading “Who Is Your Lighthouse?”
I’ve had an anxious few days worrying about work related matters. It started towards the tail end of last week and preyed on my mind over the weekend, before descending again from on high like a hungry vulture on Monday morning. Various unwanted thoughts have spun a not so merry dance around my head despiteContinue reading “I’ve Had An Anxious Week”
I’ve been guilty of all five and can confirm they are all counter productive and highly negative behavioural patterns. Today I choose to change and walk a different path. A path that leads upwards, out of the abyss. It is possible but it’s a conscious decision we must make every day of our own volition.Continue reading “5 Things To Quit Right Now”
Today marked our 1000th post on Fractured Faith. We started the blog back in May 2017 and, back then, had no idea what to expect. Fionnuala encouraged me to share my writing with the online world as both a form of personal therapy and to encourage others that there is always hope, no matter howContinue reading “Fractured Faith Is 1000 Posts Old”
Never, ever forget….
My TBR (to be read) list stretches far into the distance, largely because I can only read one book at a time. I imagine most female readers are now nodding knowingly, bemoaning the inability of the male of the species to multitask. Try as I might, numerous novels are a bridge too far for me.Continue reading “How Many Books Can You Read At The Same Time?”
There’s are days I don’t see the point in writing. It’s like banging your head off a brick wall, screaming at the world but nobody is listening. You try, and you try and try some more but you might as well throw in the towel. Writing can be the loneliest, most frustrating of activities. ThenContinue reading “Words Are all We Have”
Fionnuala had enough the other week and bought a new bookcase to house my ever increasing book collection. This now sits proudly at the top of our stairs and means I no longer have an excuse for secreting books around the home to be tripped over and stood upon. Yes, I’m going to have toContinue reading “Are You A Bookworm?”
The blog passed 11,000 followers the other day and it’s growth continues to amaze and delight me. I don’t know why people keep coming back to view, like and comment but I’m forever grateful. At each milestone, I like to ask you guys what you want from the blog in the future. As well as,Continue reading “We Need Your Feedback”
On Twitter yesterday, writers posted book pitches along with the hashtag #pitmad. The idea was to promote their work and garner support amongst the writing community. If you liked the pitch you hit the retweet button. I’m fairly new to Twitter, but decided to give it a rattle anyway. I got 4 retweets! Well, twoContinue reading “#PitMad On WordPress”
Garrotted Besotted Hypnotic narcotic. You beckon me Threaten me Neural dichotomy. Tossing me Turning me Desperate, I yearn for thee Obsessive Compulsive I yield to thee, OCD.
Today marks the start of National Novel Writing Month, or #NaNoWriMo for those of you who are more hashtag oriented. Aspiring authors everywhere will be unleashing their creative juices, in order to write a book in 31 days. Progress reports will be religiously maintained via updates to their social media platform of choice. At theContinue reading “Why I Won’t Be Taking Part in #NaNoWriMo”
Today’s flash fiction challenge was inspired by a person with an eclectic palate. Sushi, Danish bread, French yoghurt and a traditional British snack pot. Who is the mysterious shopper who happened to feel a little peckish as they strolled along Belfast’s Royal Avenue yesterday? Well, I will leave that to your imagination. If previous challengesContinue reading “Flash Fiction Challenge – An Eclectic Palate”
Where is the God of my Father Who rescued the lame and the blind? Where is the God of my Father Who poured healing oil on my mind? Kill the will Take the pill Numb the thrill Make me still. Synaptic relapse Serotonin collapse Raging impasse Stifling morass. So taste the drill Run the millContinue reading “Where Is The God Of My Father?”
I’ve often taken refuge within the pages of a book. During some of the darkest phases of my life I have galloped through the night, before gratefully clattering across the torchlit drawbridge and dismounting within a courtyard of words and chapters. On all four sides, paper walls have towered comfortingly around me, as impenetrable asContinue reading “If You Could Hide Within The Pages Of A Book….”
It is written Mitigation Twisting truths To quote verbatim Spare the child And spoil the rod Worshiping Your silent god. Verses, Curses Robed Subversives Empty hearts Yet flowing purses Holy men with hollow souls Break the rules, you pay the toll Creaking bridges Lurking trolls Faster, Faster Master, Master Bend the knee To plastic pastors.
The blog continues to grow and, of late, has been a bit of a pot pourri with regards topics and themes. I’ve posted three poems in the last week, very unlike me I know. Yet, I’ve woken up with the words in my head and felt no option but to write and post them. IContinue reading “How Can A Fractured Faith Blog Be Improved?”
Frenetic Kinetic This panic, magnetic. It latches, attaches Destroys the aesthetic. I scratch til I bleed, You feed off my need Delicious disease So ripe for release. I mumble the words Stumble with the herd Chaotic, hypnotic Regressing, disturbed. Gouged Aroused Demons carouse Stalking the fallen Preparing shrouds.
I’m a bit broken Words rarely spoken The truth Tastes so bitter and strange, clay emotions. Barely alive Rotten inside Dead to a world Where I once loved and thrived. Cursed with routines Obsessive dreams Compulsive acts Mask stifling screams. Speculate, ruminate Gnaw, then regurgitate Cyclical sickness These images dominate. Falling apart An effortless artContinue reading “I’m A Bit Broken”
I sporadically issue Flash Fiction writing challenges based around discarded till receipts I find during my travels around the shops of Belfast. Today’s is a true conundrum. Who would purchase a fruit peeler and then buy ‘prepared’ fruit? As in, already peeled, diced, sliced etc. Doesn’t that negate the need for a peeler? The plotContinue reading “Flash Fiction Challenge”
I am sic Nervous tic Binge and purge This endless urge. Odd Erroneous Out of place Unworthy of the human race. Worthy of comment Worthless, I vomit Bird in a cage From the rope I will plummet. Dead to his Word Alive to their world Baptised in blood Yet drowned in the flood. No peaceContinue reading “I Am Sic”
The sight of a well dressed man hunting through discarded till receipts is never an edifying sight. However, needs must, and I did unearth this beauty for today’s Flash Fiction Challenge. The rules are as ever. Well, there are no rules other than create a piece of fiction based upon the contents. You can writeContinue reading “Flash Fiction Challenge – The Mirror”
Feeling a little creative today? Well let your fingers do the talking then. A few weeks ago I told you of my interest (some might call it weird fascination) with discarded till receipts in shops. I would look at them and then imagine the life of the person who had made the relevant purchase. WhatContinue reading “Flash Fiction Challenge”
I wrote yesterday that I’m taking a mini blogging hiatus over the next few days as I focus on completing the third draft of my novel. I’m happy to report that progress is being made as I now have the first 14 chapters, roughly 12000 words, in a coherent running order. Yesterday was the firstContinue reading “What Makes A Good Writer?”
Lost Receipt Lost Receipt — Read on chelseaannowens.com/2018/07/21/lost-receipt/ Here’s the latest offering from a blogger to take up my flash fiction challenge of yesterday. Chelsea Owens is one of the wittiest, talented writers on WordPress and this piece displaces her at her quirky best. Follow her for more of the same.
So there I was at the self service check-out yesterday purchasing my body weight in Diet Coke and waiting for the receipt. I refuse to walk out of the store without it for fear that the long arm of the law will collar me, accuse me of theft and I’ll be hauled off to theContinue reading “Flash Fiction Challenge”
Writing a book is a great leveller. Take this for example. Buried beneath the tonnes of insecurities and doubts that accompany setting out on such a venture I have always clung desperately to one tiny crumb of comfort – that I was an above average wordsmith and could express my thoughts and emotions eloquently inContinue reading “120,000 Words Of Stephen”
It has come to my attention (well I do investigate for a living after all) that I follow a lot of fantastic bloggers. I try to keep up with as many of them as I can and, where possible, offer encouragement and support. I can’t do that with them all, though, as otherwise I wouldContinue reading “What Are You Going To Blog About Today?”
Writing makes me happy. Editing and proof reading not so much. I’m now around 30K into draft two of the novel. There have been a few cringe worthy moments (did I really write that?), more than one double take (that makes zero sense, Stephen. Zero sense) and the occasional stunned pause (er….actually that’s not bad).Continue reading “I’m Writing A Book….Still (Part 6)”
Some of you may be aware that I’m writing a book. It’s a supernatural fantasy set in Belfast which covers a lot of the themes that I blog about; mental illness, homelessness, faltering faith to name but a few. It’s heroes are deeply flawed outcasts on the fringes of society. They have been rejected byContinue reading “You’re Never As Useless As You Think You Are”
I go on on call this morning for the next seven days. On a meh scale of 1-10 this scores a 47.757 in my book but unfortunately it’s part of the job and, to be fair, I do get paid well for it. That doesn’t make it any less of a pain, however. Extra pressure,Continue reading “On Call 24/7/365”
Blogging is hard work. Never forget that. It requires creativity, determination and hard work. I try to post every day but coming up with original content is no easy matter. Finding the time to write is also a challenge. I blog on the commute to work, on my lunch break, in bed. Anywhere I canContinue reading “Blogging Is Hard Work”
The paths of the dead Are where we must tread To vanquish the demons Who reign in our head Death itches and twitches Denying us riches Our God given right Morior Invictus Yet I fear it not For X marks the spot New treasures revealed And an end to the rot.
Why do I bother? Why do I write? Why do I struggle with words every night? To convince all the wronged The despised and forlorn That they’re not alone and can survive the scorn. So I’m penning a story Of hope and redemption I’m screaming it loud so I’ll get your attention. You click andContinue reading “Why Do You Write?”
It’s been a quiet week on the novel writing front due to weddings, marathons and life in general. As ever this has raised my anxiety levels but I realise there are only so many hours in the day and I need to sleep at some point. I’m currently working on the final climactic chapters ofContinue reading “I’m Writing A Book….Still”
Life can seem pretty perfect at times. Everything is trundling along just as it should be and we are enveloped in the comforting glow of permanent sunshine. We are in love and loved. We are healthy and bursting with positivity for the future. We have big plans and bigger dreams. Our family form a protectiveContinue reading “The Vultures Are Circling”
The irony is not lost on me that if this series continues for much longer I will have effectively written a book about writing a book. That aside, I made further steady process this week. Around 5000 words to be precise. This involved a series of dialogues between several of the main characters which setsContinue reading “I’m Writing A Book….Still”
If love is a mist Then I must persist For cords of affliction And wisps of addiction Are flogging my faith on a rack of derision. The demons are screaming Stop me from believing Oozing lies, succubi Leave me battered and bleeding. Their hunger is fed On the paths of the dead As my starved,Continue reading “If Love Is A Mist….”
So there we have it. Ten months into this project and almost 100,000 words later I find all my characters in the same place at the same time. All nine of them. Number ten couldn’t make it but then he is a master of delegation and has sent along some more than able deputies toContinue reading “I’m Writing A Book….Still”
Today’s question is for all you bookworms out there. What was the last book you read and what did you make of it? To get the ball rolling here are the last few I’ve read. I read a lot much to Fionnuala’s dismay but I know that in order to succeed as an author youContinue reading “Fun Friday Continues….Even Though It’s Saturday”
Sometimes a word settles in my mind and refuses to budge. I suppose that’s the joy of writing. We get obsessed with words. They are our tools, the vehicles or medium through which we communicate our thoughts to the outside world. It’s my birthday at the end of the month (please no need for presents)Continue reading “Binge”
I wear my heart upon my sleeve. Pick at the stitches, watch it bleed. I thought it contained all my needs. Yet I was wrong, so wrong and now. I watch the scarlet droplets one by one. Communion wine upon my tongue. The acrid fumes they fill my lungs. And I am done. I’m doneContinue reading “For It Was Written Long Before You”
Half Marathons are great fun. You pay the organisers £27 for the privilege of running for nearly two hours whereupon you end up a big, aching, sweaty mess. At the end you queue ten minutes with hundreds of other aching, sweaty messes for a banana, chocolate bar and bottle of orange juice. I’m off chocolateContinue reading “My Big Fat Irish Black Toenail”
Fionnuala often affectionately tells me (at least I hope it is affectionate. Can you be affectionate and annoyed at the same time?) that if there is an awkward way to do something then I will find it. Take Lent for example. My sincere intention to refrain from biscuits, chocolate and crisps lasted all of…oh….let meContinue reading “What Is Your Worst Habit?”
Sooooo….I wrote earlier today about my training for the Belfast Marathon on 7th May and how that’s been going. Now it’s time for ’round two’ so to speak as I post an update about how the novel I am attempting to write is coming along. Which is a tad trickier. I mean I think it’sContinue reading “I’m Writing A Book….Still”
Achilles heel. Scabbed. Won’t heal. Pick at it. Secrets revealed. Itching. Twisting. Tired of bitching. Peel it off and start again. Take the pain but what remains? Scarlet blood flows free and proud. Love and grace replace disgrace. Grit your teeth to save your face. Love again to run your race. Achilles heel. Tensed andContinue reading “Achilles Heel”
I’m always delighted and slightly surprised when someone compliments me on my writing. It’s that inbuilt inferiority complex that I have dragged around behind me for most of my life. A nasty case of you’re-not-good-enough-itis. For many years I was so disenchanted with myself that I hid behind different characters that I created in orderContinue reading “Who Are Your Favourite Bloggers?”
Today was largely spent chained to the laptop, revisiting and editing a number of chapters for the book. It was a graft and once again, as if I needed reminding, I realised what hard work writing can be. Some days the words just refuse to flow and you have to drag them kicking and screamingContinue reading “Death By Blogging”
I’m out on my feet. Ideas replete. Shackled and stymied by lies and deceit. I’ve tried and I’ve failed. My dreams are derailed. My hopes on a ship that has long ago sailed. I’m struggling to think. Do I need a drink? Cowering from demons I thought long extinct. Their malice so plain as beforeContinue reading “I’m Out On My Feet”
It’s all about me. I’m selfish you see. So vain and conceited, it’s all about me. I fight the urge, this endless dirge, the need to purge myself of me. My needs. They feed my brain. They inflict pain. I smother others with my greed. It sows the seeds which grow the roots which, whenContinue reading “For All Demons Bleed….”
Yesterday I paid a visit to Belfast City Library. There were a number of reasons for this lunchtime jaunt. Firstly I had just emerged from the three hour ‘meeting from hell’ so needed to get out of the office to shower my head. I also needed to get a book as part of my researchContinue reading “The Library Fine Police”
I took a day off from novel writing yesterday. I ran and I blogged and I worked. I was still a father, a husband, a son and a brother. But I didn’t write. Which was weird as in the last week I’ve churned out in excess of 11,000 words which is prolific for me. 50,000Continue reading “What Are You Writing About Today ? (1)”
If silence cuts like a knife Then I have died the death of a thousand cuts at your hands Your scars have scarred me You have sliced me with your lies Strangled by our soul ties More lies You’ve broke me in two But I’ve broken me too Now I’m breaking on through To what?Continue reading “Ode To OCD #2”
You let me binge And now I’m singed Unhinged. Swinging from the gallows that I constructed for You. As you look on The idle god of all you survey. You smile As I decay Dismayed and flayed. Splayed in my grave Of rotating routine.
Yesterday lunchtime I had a walk around areas of Belfast city centre where scenes of my first novel are to be set. The plan was to capture details that have evaded my memory to date so that when I am writing I can refer to them there and then. Ideally I would like to writeContinue reading “How Is Your Writing Coming Along?”
Over the last few weeks Rebecca has had to write a biography about a famous person from Ireland/Northern Ireland for her homework and after much questioning of myself and Stephen she decided to go with C.S. Lewis. She has just completed her project two days ahead of schedule and as promised by her daddy she isContinue reading “A Biography of C.S. Lewis by Rebecca Black age 11”
They killed him on the Witches Road. Men with black masks and blacker hearts. Two rapid starbursts of white death lighting up the night sky as the silent, wooden sentinels looked impassively on. The body dumped at the roadside where his blood mixed freely with last nights discarded pizza crusts and tonic wine, the communionContinue reading “Witches Road”